[Jackie's been taking revenge on Fez for turning her down, and he has planned a counterstrike in their apartment's shower]
Hyde: Fez, if this is the ex-lax prank, I'd rather hear about it then see it.
Fez: No it's better. And she's turning the shower off.. she's getting out...look at herself in the mirror and... [Jackie screams, goes out of the shower with her hair dyed green]
Jackie: FEZ!
Fez: Ho ho ho Green Jackie!
Jackie: Fez, you completely ruined my hair!
Fez: You destroyed my car!
Jackie: I had every right to destroy your car, you turned me down!
Fez: You turned me down like a million times and I never did anything!
Hyde: Actually I remember a lot of crying.
Fez: Yes I cried, because I have feelings, unlike you Jackie.
Jackie: Oh, huhuh. I have feelings. And they told me to buy a bottle of spray paint and tell the whole world that you have a tiny-
Fez: IT'S NORMAL SIZED! Well you know what, I'm glad I turned you down, because you are a mean, bitter girl. And now, you're ugly on the outside like you are ugly on the inside.
Hyde: Holy crap man, cover your nipples!
Jackie: I can't believe that's what you really think of me.
Fez: Well it is.
Jackie: Fine. I'll just go pack up my things and get out of your life. [returns to her room]
Hyde: Damn man, that was harsh.
Fez: Yeah. Must have been my Jamaican fire.
Hyde: So...you're from Jamaica?
Fez: No, Jamaican Fire. It's my new cologne.

[Jackie, Fez, and Randy scour Donna's room for ideas on a birthday gift. Jackie checks out Donna's diary]
Jackie: Oh my God Fez, listen to what Donna wrote, it's from a few weeks ago: "Hyde hired this new guy Randy at the record-store. And he's really cute." Donna thinks Randy is cute! Can you believe this?!
Fez: Jackie you shouldn't be reading that! [takes the diary and puts it in a drawer] It's a complete invasion of privacy. [fidgets with her mirror] Oh if I get just the right angle on this mirror...I can see Donna when she sleeps...

[Kelso and Fez talk about Hyde]
Kelso: I still can't believe our little Hyde went off and married a Las Vegas stripper.
Fez: Yeah. Now we have to get him a present. What says "congratulations on your wedding and I want to nail your wife"?
Kelso: Oooooooh we should get him one of those big electric knives! Those suckers will cut right through your hand.

[Kelso, Fez, and Donna forgot to bring beer. Charlie gives them a six-pack]
Kelso:How much do we love this guy?
Fez: He's a prince!
Donna: Charlie, it is so awesome hanging out with you.
Charlie: Ah thanks guys, it feels so good to finally belong to something you know. It's like the first day of the rest of my life! [ leans against the railing, which breaks] WHOOHOO!
Fez: THE BEER! [gang looks down and hears a thud]
Donna: That was a pretty awkward landing...I hope he's okay.
Kelso: Of course he's okay. It's not like anyone ever died falling off the water tower.
Kitty: [narrating to tape recorder, in kitchen]...And so they renamed it the Charlie Richardson Memorial Water Tower.

[Kitty and Jackie go to Christine St George's station to drop off a package she forgot at Fez's salon]
Jackie: Hiiii, uh, I'm here to see Christine St. George.
Receptionist: Do you have an appointment?
Jackie: No, but I am her biggest fan and I would love to be her co-anchor.
Receptionist: Okay, have a seat and a psychiatrist will be right with you.
Kitty: Oh please Miss, couldn't you just let us in for two minutes?
Receptionist: I got a better idea. How about if I let you in for no minutes?
Jackie: Please? Please could you let us in? I know I have what it takes to be on TV and I just need to demonstrate my talents to Christine.
Kitty: Oh and I just want an autograph. Or a souvenir. Ahaha! She made cheesecake on yesterday's show, is that around?
Receptionist: You really want to get in huh? Okay, I'm thinking of a number between one and ten.
Kitty: Six.
Receptionist: You got it!
Kitty: Ohhh! [claps hands and jumps for joy]
Jackie: So does that mean that we can go in?!
Receptionist: No. That's the number of cops I'm gonna call if you don't beat it.
Jackie: But..I'm supposed to be her co-anchor!
Receptionist: And I'm supposed to be Brooke Shields. Ain't life a bitch?

[Kitty is enraged that her friend Marcia is dating Fez]
Kitty: [making tequila from a blender] I can't believe Fez was seduced by that cradle-robbing slut. [hands the blender to Donna] You girls throw it around like football players, couldn't one of you have slept with him?
Donna: [drinking from the blender and giving it to Jackie] Mrs. Forman, you need to understand something. Fez is a deviant weirdo. We're just glad he is doing it with a person and not a couch a tree or my pillow.
Kitty: After all I have done for that boy, he has the nerve to say you're not my mother. If that's even what he said. Because...who can understand anything that comes out of that ungrateful marsh-mouth.
Jackie: [drinks] Wow. Fez and an older divorced woman. [hands the blender to Kitty] You know, if I were a divorced older woman, I would take everything from my ex-husband. SUFFER, YOU CHEATING BASTARD! Haa! Can't wait to be divorced.
Kitty: Well, if he doesn't want me mothering him, fine I'm done! Next Christmas, his stocking will not be hung by the chimney with care. It will be tossed in the garbage with...with...hair! [takes a sip] This place uses too much ice! [pours in the rest of the tequila]

[Kitty is enthusiastic that Red can finally stop taking heart pills]
Kitty: Well that is wonderful news. Oh and you know what this means? We can bring back fried cheese friday!
Red: It's not good news Kitty. I just bought a four month supply of heart pills I don't need now. That's 200 bucks down the crapper.
Hyde: Why don't you just sell 'em? You know, there's a seedy subculture that buys drugs for recreation... I saw one time on an after school special...
Kitty: Well you can't sell drugs, it's illegal. And it should be, because people shouldn't have easy access to addictive substances that dull their senses...[takes a bottle of gin and a glass] I will be in the bath.
Hyde:You know man, you can sell those pills.
Red: No I can't.
Hyde: Yes you can, you just have to find the right market.
Red: Well who the hell is gonna want a bunch of heart pills?
[Red and Hyde visit the Viking Lodge, an old man's hangout]
Hyde: Anybody here take procardiacs? [Men raise their hands] The doctor is in!

[Red and Kitty try to sleep, but couldn't do it with Hyde and Samantha arguing at Laurie's room]
Hyde: Why the hell did you turn the TV on?!
Sam: To drown out your snoring!
Hyde: I was snoring to drown out your talking!
Kitty: [gets up] Okay. I can't put up with those two fighting anymore. It's like living with a couple of Italians! [leaves room]
Red: Oh yeah. We moved two fighting morons into an adjacent room and now we can't sleep. Who could have seen this coming...

[Red gets season tickets for the Packers.]
Kitty: Red, I don't wanna move. [Red is nonplussed] I was gonna tell you, but ever since we decided to move, you've been so happy and smiling and you're never that way except for when you kill a deer... Red, this is my home. I don't wanna leave.
Red: [holds Kitty's hand] Kitty, we don't have to go anywhere. I don't care where I live, as long as I am with you.
Kitty: Really?
Red: [softly] Of course. [Kitty hugs him from behind.] I love you.
Kitty: Oh, I love you, too.
Red: I was talking to the tickets.

[The gang just 'kidnapped' Fatso the Clown]
Jackie: [entering the basement] So you guys-[screams] WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING HERE?!
Donna: We stole Fatso the Clown! And now we're gonna...uhm...what do we do with a stolen clown?
Hyde: [in starting a Circle] THIS is what we do with a stolen clown. Actually, this is what we do without a stolen clown. It always comes back to this.
Fatso: [Randy providing voice] Hohohohohohohoho. Thanks for bringing me here you guys!
Randy: So Fatso, now that you're free, is there anything we can do for ya?
Fatso: Huhuh yeah. Find me a really trashy clown-hooker with nice long legs and a pair of double D [honks horn].
Randy: I found this in the garage.
Fez: Oh Randy, you think you are so funny [sniggers] That was funny.
Jackie: Look at that freaky-ass clown. It's just staring at me...he doesn't even blink...
Donna: It's because he likes you. He loves you. He wants to marry you and then..KILL YOU! [Jackie screams loud]