Bob: Hey, there kids, where've you two been?
Donna: God, Dad, can't we be gone for a minute without you making all sorts of accusations? I mean, God, it was just a minute!
Eric: To be fair, Donna, it was a little more than a minute.

Donna: How do you do that?
Eric: Do what?
Donna: You always make me feel better.
Eric: Uhm, well thank you.
Donna: I love you, Eric.
Eric: I love... cake.

Donna: Jackie, you are so totally hot for him. I can see it in your eyes.
Jackie: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I like Fez? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! [runs off]

Eric: Okay, Laurie, I know what you told Hyde.
Laurie: What are you talking about, loser?
Eric: The camp story. Doctor Pee Pee. You're dead.
Fez: [whispering to Hyde] what's going on?
Hyde: Shh. Pretend it's TV.
Eric: Well, I know some stuff about you, little lady. Fellas, Laurie here waxes her lips, legs, eyebrows, toes, and shoulder blades.
Laurie: In the fifth grade, Eric sent away for the Charles Atlas kit 'cause a girl kicked sand in his face.
Eric: You stuffed in high school.
Laurie: So did you.
Eric: Last year Laurie used all of her birthday money to buy a back massager; which isn't fooling anyone, by the way.
Laurie: Well, that's not as bad as the time I walked in on you in bed with your Dorothy Hamill poster and you were all--
Eric: Laurie was born with a tail!
[Fez gasps.]
Hyde: What?
Eric: Yeah! Laurie was born with a tail!
Laurie: I HATE YOU! [runs upstairs]
Eric: It's true. [puts hands together and makes a tail]

Eric: You dance with Mary Jane, you get your toes stepped on. That's right. Consequences, my friend. Yeah, consequences. Now my car's gone and Red's high as a kite.

Fez: So you're telling me, if were to go to up to someone's house and say "trick or treat!" they would give me a free piece of candy?
Eric, Donna, Hyde, Kelso, and Jackie: YES!!!
Fez: Oh I don't believe you!
[Cutaway to Fez at someone's door dressed as Batman]
Fez: Trick or treat! [person drops an apple into Fez' bag] An apple? Where's my candy you son of a bitch?!
[Person slams door in his face]

Hyde: Forman's first suspension... I'm so proud.
Kelso: Whoa, back up. Why'd he get suspended?
Donna: Because he's stupid.
Kelso: [terrified] They can do that?

Hyde: So where's Donna, man?
Eric: Donna? Donna? Oh! You mean that girl who spent last night in my bed?
Hyde: Yeah, yeah, that's the one.
Eric: She went home this morning.
Hyde: So? Ah? Ah? Soooo?
Eric: So let's just say she went home a very happy woman.

Hyde: Wait a minute, you're 18?
Kelso: Yeah. That's why I always seemed more mature than you guys.
Hyde: You mean to tell me this whole time you could have been buying us beer?!
Fez: [Gasps] You bastard.
Kelso: Well, Eric ruined your life.
Hyde: And if I had a beer, I'd be getting over it right now.

Jackie: Say it.
Kelso: I do not keep secrets from you.
Jackie: Again.
Kelso: I do not keep secrets from you.
Jackie: Again.
Kelso: I do not keep secrets from you.
Fez: Aiiii SHUT UP! I am going insane! Kelso, if you want to possess a woman, this is what you need to do [takes Jackies hand] I as a mortal, am not worthy of your love, you are a goddess, and I worship you. And I dedicate every moment of my waking life to your joy...
Kelso: [takes Jackie's hand] Okay, what he said!
Jackie: Oh Michael! [kisses Michael while Fez wears Stupid Helmet and hits the table]

Kelso: [While in the circle] But I was just amusing myself, you know? And that's the key to life, right? Never stop amusing yourself.
Fez: Unless it starts to chafe. Then you should take a week off. It's almost Tuesday, right?

Kelso: So, did you kiss her? 'Cause I'll kill you if you kissed her.
Fez: No, I didn't want to kiss her. I wanted to hand her a napkin... There was not a moment when she didn't have a face full of food. I was disgusted.

Kitty: Eric, you've hardly touched your breakfast.
Eric: That's because I don't know what it is.
Kitty: Well, it's just, it's eggs and hash and some��surprises!
Eric: Mom, why aren't you eating it?
Kitty: Well, I just, I have never been a breakfast person.
Hyde: Is this rabbit?
Kitty: No!
Laurie: Mom, if Daddy gets a job, can we stop eating dog food?
Kitty: Laurie, it is not dog food. And God, I hope so.
Red: [walks in dressed in a suit and tie] So: would you hire me?
Laurie: I'd hire you, Daddy! Especially if the position was world's best father.

Kitty: Ohhh! You're wearing your University of Wisconsin sweatshirt!
Laurie: Yeah. Mother, I went there.
Kitty: No. You flunked out of there. You might as well wear your "University of I Wasted My Father's Money" sweatshirt! Take it off. [Laurie begins to take the sweatshirt but Kitty stops her halfway after seeing her with only a bra underneath]

Leo: So, do you like photos, man?
Hyde: Yeah, man. Sure.
Leo: Okay, you got the job, man.
Hyde: Just like that? You don't need to interview anyone else?
Leo: No one else showed up, man.
Hyde: So, what do I do here, anyway?
Leo: Well, I don't expect a lot, man. Like, pretty much, if the hut doesn't burn down, it's been a good day. And even if it burnt down, man, it's cool, 'cause I got three or four more of these little huts somewhere. Hey, listen. If you see one of these huts, could you give me a call, man?
Hyde: Or even better, I could take a picture.
Leo: Whoa, a picture of a Photo Hut. Hey, that'd be like art or something, huh. Hey, listen, man. Hope you don't mind if I pay you in cash. I don't like big brother gettin' into my business, you dig.
Hyde: Man, keeping the government out of it. I'm so with you.
Leo: No, my big brother, man. He's always hittin' me up for money.
Hyde: Oh, 'cause you're the responsible one?
Leo: Yeah, it's my curse, man. Hey, listen. I gotta go, uh, do a thing at, uh, a place.
Hyde: Yeah, man, I hear that. So, want me to lock up when I'm done?
Leo: Lock up? Wow, that's a great idea, man. Hey, you're one of those idea men, aren't ya, man?
Hyde: Yeah, maybe some day you'll be working for me, huh.
Leo: Really? Oh, that'd be cool, man. Hey, but can I have Saturday night off? Cool!