[At a party celebrating Red's 'death']
Kitty: Are you having fun?
Red: No. Turns out I was mistaken. Life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you. I just wanna spend it with people I really, really love. Like you and, uh...Well, mostly just you [taps glass] Everybody. [guests look at him] Thanks for being here. And I just wanna say...when my time comes, I want to be buried face down, so that anyone who doesn't like me can kiss my ass!
[Awkward silence.]
Kitty: [Laughs nervously]
[Everyone else laughs.]

[at a special birthday party for Hyde, Fez tries to introduce him to someone]
Fez: Hyde, allow me to introduce you to a special lady.
Unknown Girl No 1: So we meet every week to pray and discuss Scripture. You in?
Unknown Girl No 2: I used to date your dad. Isn't that a turn-on?
Unknown Girl No 3: It's not like head cheerleader's always the most talented but in my case, it's true.
Unknown Girl No 4: I have to date guys who aren't as good-looking as me, otherwise, I'd never date.
Big Rhonda: You gonna eat that?
Unknown Girl No 5: I know you're really angry and emotionally crippled but that's okay, 'cause my boyfriend's in jail.
Unknown Girl No 6: My turn-offs include people who are mean to puppies and people who smoke...or... don't smoke? Or smoke? Wait. Do you smoke?
Unknown Girl No 7: Okay. So guess which leg's real.
Unknown Girl No 8: I'm so glad I finally got to meet you, 'cause I've, like, always been afraid of you and I like to be scared.
Fez: So? What do you think?
Hyde: You know, I think, if I time this right I can nail every single one of these girls... tonight.
Fez: No, no, no, no, no. You're supposed to pick just one...to love, not nail. Love.
Hyde: Yeah. Right.

[At a truck stop, Eric worries about how to pay his bill with Leo]
Eric: I can't believe I'm stuck in a backwoods truck stop with no money. You know if we don't do something, this waitress is just gonna hand us over to these truckers. You know, they're all freaky, sexual deviants. Man, women, animal-they don't care as long as it's warm [drinks]
Leo: Don't worry, man, I've got an idea how we can pay for this dinner. [at Circle in storeroom] That was a good idea...now how are we gonna pay for dinner?
Waitress: [smiling] I think this pretty much covers your tab, but if you're interested, dessert's on me. [clicks tongue]
Leo: In that case [laughs] you'd better soak your uniform in club soda.
Eric: You see? What an awesome night. I am partying in the back of a truck stop with a hippie and a waitress...who are now making out...wow, the fact that I'm here is ... not slowing them down at all ... [laughs but is disgusted at what the waitress just did] good, God, woman, you buttered my toast with that hand!

[At a veterans' reunion, Red is flustered that Leo is actually a World War II veteran despite his hippie appearance]
Red: I can't believe Leo is a veteran. I don't know whether to like him a little more or like myself a little less.
Bob: Red, this was supposed to be your special night. We should be the ones over there getting free drinks.
Red: "We"?
Bob: I spent all my money on this costume.
Red: [walks up to Leo] So Leo, what exactly did you do in the war? I mean, just besides drive a supply truck.
Veteran: Just drive a supply truck?! Leo, did you tell them what you did?
Leo: Nah. It's embarrassing.
Veteran: You gotta tell 'm!
Leo: All right. I peed on Jane Fonda.
Veteran: Leo here drove his truck right into a German tank formation and rescued an entire platoon.
Bob: Really?!
Veteran: Didn't you get a medal for that?
Leo: Yeah. I forget what it was called, but it was shaped like a purple heart.
Red: Damn Leo. I'm impressed [shakes Leo's hand] From one veteran to another, I'd like to buy you a drink.
Leo: Actually, I like to buy you a drink.
Bob: I'll take a drink.
Red: Sorry. This round is for men who fought for Uncle Sam, not spent the war hiding in their Uncle Sam's house.
Leo: Hey man, even if he didn't see action, he still deserves a drink.
Red: All right, fine.
Leo: Bartender, one Shirley Temple!

[at Aunt Pearl's home, Red tries a way to entertain her along with Kitty and Laurie]
Red: Come on Pearl, there's a Bucks game on!
Aunt Pearl: [enthusiastically gets out of rest room and heads to her chair] The Bucks, huh?
Kitty: [comforts Red] Well, now see? This is nice.
Aunt Pearl: The only thing that keeps me alive is watching the Bucks lose! PPPT!
Red: [Unenthusiastically]: Go Bucks.

[At Eric's basement, Eric is not happy about Donna's presence]
Donna: Oh, right. Paul McCartney and Wings are on tonight. [sits down]
Eric: [paces around] Okay, so... Okay, we're all here now. So... So, Donna, you're staying?
Donna: Okay.
Eric: What I meant to say was... Look, Donna, I don't think it's cool if you hang out here.
Donna: So, what, you're like, kicking me out? ... Wow. Okay then. Bye.
Jackie: Well, if you're kicking her out, then you're kicking me out.
Eric: No, Jackie no. Oh, wait. I mean, bye!

[at Jackie's dinner party, a drunk Eric serenades Donna with his own version of Hey Paula. Schoolmate Timmy is on the piano]
Eric: Hey, hey Donna, I wanna sing to you, hey hey hey Donna, no one else will ever do, I've waited so long for [voice cracks] school to be through, Donna, Donna, I love you [high-pitched] hey hey Donna!!
Donna: Eric, get down off there right now!
Eric: What's the problem Donna?
Timmy: Yeah, what's the problem Donna?
Donna: Timmy, go get your pants on or I'll beat the crap out of you! [Timmy runs out of the room] Eric, remember when I told you to loosen up?
Eric: Oh yeah baby.
Donna: [grabs trophy Eric uses as microphone] Well, tighten up baby. When the house is on fire, the party's over.
Eric: Well, hey, this was your idea.
Donna: Eric, I told you to loosen up, not act like a dink.
Eric: Well I'm new at this [grabs the trophy back] so sue me. [sings again] Sue, sue, sue me!! Sue me Donna!

[At the campfire, Kelso tries a familiar song to rub Hyde and Jackie's breakup in Hyde's face]
Kelso: Something touched me deep inside the day that Hyde...lied [Hyde is giving Kelso a look]

[At the Ford campaign rally, Red stammers, but recovers after seeing a masked Eric streak]
Red: Hey Gerry, here's my question: How the hell could you pardon Nixon?

[At the Forman house garage, Eric and Donna talk about their relationship, which has taken a bad turn.]
Donna: If we're meant to be together, then we'll end up together.
Eric: No. The way we end up together is by saying we'll be together and then...being together.
Donna: Eric come on, we're together now. Isn't that enough?
Eric: NO! I mean [walks away then faces Donna] I mean, DAMN Donna! If you can see a future for yourself without me, and that doesn't, like, break your heart, then we're not doing what I thought we're doing here and you know what? Maybe we shouldn't even be together at all!
Donna: [after short pause] Are you breaking up with me?
Eric: Are you giving back that ring?
Donna: Yes.
Eric: Then, yes. [Donna leaves ring on hood.]
Season 4

[At the Forman kitchen, Kelso tells Laurie that they must break up]
Kelso: I don't wanna live with this lying anymore. Because I only love Jackie.
Laurie: Okay. So, do you wanna go up to my room and have sex?
Kelso: Uh...sure! [Realizes what he's doing] No, wait! No! [releases Laurie and turns around so his back is to the kitchen's garage entrance] No! Okay, I...this...Laurie, I...I'm serious. We're over.
Laurie: Wow. I think you really mean it.
Kelso: I totally do.
Laurie: [sees Jackie just outside the garage] Okay, Kelso, you're free! You know what I'd like, though? Just one last goodbye kiss.
Kelso: Um...okay, well sure. [kisses Laurie. Jackie is shocked and rushes in]
Jackie: Michael!
Kelso: [lets go of Laurie] Jackie! We were...[Jackie runs away] No, there was...
Laurie: Wow, how ironic, huh? [leaves the room. Kelso bangs his head against the wall]

[at the hospital, Red sees a sad Kitty]
Red: Kitty, how's Burt?
Kitty: I don't know how to say this. Daddy's gone to a better place.
Kelso: Good, 'cause this hospital sucks! [Red, Kitty, and the gang look at him] What? [comes to conclusion] Ohhh! [whispers to Hyde] This hospital sucks.

[at the planned meeting with three radio babes, Fez decides to stay behind and take his chances with three old women at the entrance to a club]
Fez: Hello my lovelies, I am Julie. Which one of you is Hot-To-Trot?
Girl's Voice: Julie?
Fez: [turns around] Yes? [sees attractive girls walk up to him]
Girl No 1: You made it! I'm Hot-to-Trot.
Girl No 2: I'm Foxy Lady!
Girl No 3: And I'm Nice-and-Easy!
Fez: You're not fat. Or old at all!
Nice-and-Easy: Of course not! We're gymnasts.
Fez: Dear, Penthouse... [girls smile]

[at the Point Place 1988 high-school reunion]
Alternate Eric: [hears real-life version of himself, who just witnessed the alternate Eric and Donna admit their feelings] Oh, wait a minute. You actually had a relationship with Donna?
Eric: Wait, I thought you said he couldn't hear me.
Angel: I'm loose with the rules, so sue me.
Alternate Eric: No, seriously, you had Donna?
Eric: Look, we broke up. You're much better off.
Alternate Eric: Says you! Look at me. I'm 28 years old! I've only had sex with Big Rhonda, and all three times, believe me, she did not look like that! [Points to Big Rhonda, who has a very sexy body]
Eric: Idiot. You're sad you were never with Donna? Well, you got off light, man! I had her and I lost her, and believe me, you don't wanna know how bad that hurts! [storms out of reunion hall]
Alternate Eric: So, you're an angel, right? Is there any thing you can do to help me?
Angel: Alright, listen closely: NO!

[Donna and Eric are in his room, putting their clothes back on.]
Eric: Donna, I'm so glad you're my study partner. Because you make learning fun. [Laughs and kisses Donna.]
Donna: Okay, well, no more study breaks. We have to get this report done.
Eric: Alright, fine. Okay.
[Both walk over to his bed and pick up their stuff.]
Eric: Report on the current state of U.S.-Soviet relations. Okay, we need a title.
Donna: How 'bout... Current State of U.S.-Soviet Relations?
Eric: Damn, you're smart. [Writes title down on paper.] "U.S.-Soviet Relations". [Looks up at Donna; jumps on top of her and they start making out.]