Bud: Yo Roxanne, Grandmaster B here. That's with a big G a big B, and a real big... well.

Bud: You can't win. You're ineligible since your microbrained daughter is now a Weenie Tot employee. We're gonna be poor for the rest of our lives! Bite on that weenie!

Bud: You're talking to a guy who's had it more times then there are stars in the sky.
Dr. Kessler: There are more than four stars in the sky, Mr Bundy.

Cal: Did you play pro ball?
Al: Well, I could have, but I had a career ending accident.
Cal: Knee?
Al: Marriage.

Captain: Get with the program, Bundy. You're a disgrace to the hat. Aw, clean your station.
Al: Marry a redhead.

Captain: This is your captain speaking. Will the gentleman in 24B please put his shoes back on? I'm choking to death.
Peg: AL!
Al: Oh, please. They show us the movie Dutch and they think I stink?

Carlos: Where is your father, the village shoesmith?
Kelly: He's with my mother, the village shopper, and my grandma, the village.

Charlie Benante: It came out of the fridge... why is it hot?

Dan: Call it in the air.
Kelly: It's a coin.
Dan: You win.

Doctor: Bad news, Mr. Darcy. I'm afraid we're gonna have to operate. You do have insurance, don't you?
Jefferson: Yes.
Doctor: Well, then, we will be using anesthesia.

Doctor: This was one of those unfortunate accidents due to simple human error. It seems our surgical team misread your doctor's instructions; it said to give him a circular incision.
Peg: Yeah, so how could you misread that?
Doctor: We gave him a circumcision.

Dr. Kessler: What do you make of this?
Janitor: I'm going to need a bigger mop.
Bud: [In machine on other side of glass] Honk, Honk!
Janitor: A nuch bigger mop!

Eric: It's amazing how your looks can improve with nice clothes, contacts and $10,000,000.

Fat woman: How dare you say that to my face?
Al: I'd say it behind your back, but my car only has half a tank of gas!

Fat Woman: I don't care what your little ruler says, I've been a seven since I graduated from high school.
Al:[picks up a size 7 shoe) These are sevens. The box says 9 because... well look lady, youre a nine. I can accept that, why can't you.
Fat Woman: You're very FRESH?!
Al: No ma'am, that's impossible. Because for the last hour I've been trying to squeeze your foot into a shoe, when I should've beeen easing them in the box. So what I'm saying is I'm anything but fresh. By the way, you might want to tell John Henry to give the $100 pumps a rest.
Fat Woman: Your ad says "courteous service".
Al: That's not my ad, ma'am. That's the former owner's. He was killed tragically on this very spot when a size 9 exploded in his face.
Fat Woman: Come on, Arnold. We're leaving.
Arnold: I want a balloon.
Al: You already got one.