Cheers quotes
515 total quotesAll Seasons
Season 1
Season 2
Season 3
Season 4
Season 5
Season 6
Season 7
Season 8
Season 9
Season 10
Season 11
Carla: I told you he was my husband. I had twins with Eddie.
Gloria: So what? So did I.
Norm: Yikes.
Carla: At least mine don't give you warts when you touch them.
Gloria: So what? So did I.
Norm: Yikes.
Carla: At least mine don't give you warts when you touch them.
Carla: I'd like to do something to Gary to make him really miserable.
Cliff: Why don't you marry him?
Cliff: Why don't you marry him?
Carla: I've been plannin' my Elvis pilgrimage to Memphis for weeks and now Nick is backing out of takin' care of the kids. He says his appendix burst.
Sam: That seems serious to me.
Carla: His appendix bursts every time I need a favor.
Woody: If he was smart, he would have that removed.
Sam: That seems serious to me.
Carla: His appendix bursts every time I need a favor.
Woody: If he was smart, he would have that removed.
Carla: It's not fair. I swear I get all the disadvantages of being married and none of the perks.
Norm: Wait, there are perks?
Norm: Wait, there are perks?
Carla: Just so we can follow the fun, what's this fight about?
Diane: We're not fighting, Carla. We're merely discussing a little difference of opinion. Vodka rocks, two. I think Sam is a heartless mindless slack-jawed cretin and he disagrees.
Diane: We're not fighting, Carla. We're merely discussing a little difference of opinion. Vodka rocks, two. I think Sam is a heartless mindless slack-jawed cretin and he disagrees.
Carla: Nick, what the hell do you want?
Nick: Hey, is that the kind of hello I deserve?
Carla: No, bend over and I'll give it to you.
Nick: Hey, is that the kind of hello I deserve?
Carla: No, bend over and I'll give it to you.
Carla: No way some guy like that ends up with me.
Sam: Will you stop cutting yourself short. You offer a lot of things to a guy.
Carla: Oh yeah, sure. Six kids, mortgage up to my ears, stack of bills, dead end job, and fallen arches.
Sam: You know, if I wasn't already engaged...
Sam: Will you stop cutting yourself short. You offer a lot of things to a guy.
Carla: Oh yeah, sure. Six kids, mortgage up to my ears, stack of bills, dead end job, and fallen arches.
Sam: You know, if I wasn't already engaged...
Carla: Sam Malone never ages. It's one of life's great truths. Let me tell you something Sammy, when you're 87 you'll still be a hunk to me. Of course I'll be senile and blind.
Sam: And pregnant.
Carla: Yeah, probably.
Sam: And pregnant.
Carla: Yeah, probably.
Carla: Sam, I'm gonna read your mind. Okay, think of something.
Sam: Right now?
Carla: Yeah.
Sam: Okay.
Carla: You're thinkin' about your car.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: You're thinkin' about some babe.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: Wait a minute. Give me a minute. I can do this. Just give me a chance. You're thinkin' about your hair.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: Come on, Sam. That's everything you ever think about.
Sam: Right now?
Carla: Yeah.
Sam: Okay.
Carla: You're thinkin' about your car.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: You're thinkin' about some babe.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: Wait a minute. Give me a minute. I can do this. Just give me a chance. You're thinkin' about your hair.
Sam: Nope.
Carla: Come on, Sam. That's everything you ever think about.
Carla: Sorry. No suds tonight, Norm. You are still our designated driver, remember?
Norm: I know that. You know that. But did you have to call every bar in town and tell them?
Norm: I know that. You know that. But did you have to call every bar in town and tell them?
Carla: Wait a minute, Sammy. Look. Rebecca just said she was leaving here and never coming back.
Sam: Yeah.
Carla: Oh man, this is terrible.
Frasier: What?
Carla: Sammy finally struck out for real.
[Everyone in the bar mumbles]
Sam: What are you talking about here?
Carla: We all knew it was taking a long time but we thought that eventually you two would be doing the horizontal hokey pokey.
Norm: I guess that's it, huh? Lower the flag.
Carla: It's the end of an era.
Sam: Yup, I guess that's it.
Sam: Yeah.
Carla: Oh man, this is terrible.
Frasier: What?
Carla: Sammy finally struck out for real.
[Everyone in the bar mumbles]
Sam: What are you talking about here?
Carla: We all knew it was taking a long time but we thought that eventually you two would be doing the horizontal hokey pokey.
Norm: I guess that's it, huh? Lower the flag.
Carla: It's the end of an era.
Sam: Yup, I guess that's it.
Carla: We've still got something that Gary can't take away.
Norm: Our pride?
Carla: Hell no. We never had that.
Norm: Our pride?
Carla: Hell no. We never had that.
Carla: What a night. Two hundred bucks in tips.
Coach: What are you gonna do with all that money, Carla?
Carla: I am going to spend it all on my kids.
Coach: Good girl.
Carla: How many gunny sacks and one way tickets do you think it will buy?
Coach: What are you gonna do with all that money, Carla?
Carla: I am going to spend it all on my kids.
Coach: Good girl.
Carla: How many gunny sacks and one way tickets do you think it will buy?
Carla: What are you doing down here, Hill? Hair Club for Men meeting?
John Hill: Oh I didn't see you down there Miss Tortelli. Although frankly, [sniffs] you do announce your presence.
Carla: So have you decided what color you're going to dye your head for Easter?
John Hill: Why don't you just scuttle under the office door and get Sam?
Carla:[Yelling in Mr. Hill's face] SAM! HILL'S HERE!
John Hill: Oh I didn't see you down there Miss Tortelli. Although frankly, [sniffs] you do announce your presence.
Carla: So have you decided what color you're going to dye your head for Easter?
John Hill: Why don't you just scuttle under the office door and get Sam?
Carla:[Yelling in Mr. Hill's face] SAM! HILL'S HERE!
Carla: When I'm in charge of the bar I know what God feels like.
Norm: How's that?
Carla: It's like I'm in complete control of people's destinies. Yeah, I can make their drinks too strong so they get sick. Or I can water them down so they're payin' for nothin'. Or if I don't like their attitude I can spit in it.
Norm: How's that?
Carla: It's like I'm in complete control of people's destinies. Yeah, I can make their drinks too strong so they get sick. Or I can water them down so they're payin' for nothin'. Or if I don't like their attitude I can spit in it.