Alex: And here are the categories for you, "Civil Servants", "Stamps From Around The World", "Mothers And Sons", "Beer", "Bar Trivia", and finally, "Celibacy".
Woody: Man, this has to be Mr. Clavin's dream board.
Norm: Sure. He's home free as long as he doesn't get too cocky.
Alex: Cliff, can I get you to pick a category and an amount?
Cliff: Why don't you go ahead and pick any one you want? I mean, I am feeling lucky today! Woah!
Norm: Uh oh.

Alex: And it takes us to Cliff. Cliff, good news for you. Both of your opponents came up with incorrect responses, and what that means is that even if you're wrong, and as long as you didn't do anything foolish, like wager everything, you're a cinch winner.
Cliff: Well then, we don't have to see my answer, do we, Alex? [Places his jacket over his monitor.] I will see you at the Tournament of Champions.
Alex: [Taking the jacket from Cliff's monitor.] Cliff, we're running out of time, and we are gonna have to take a look at your response. You wrote down... "Who are three people who've never been in my kitchen?" No, I'm sorry, that too is wrong. The correct response is "Who are the real names of Cary Grant, Tony Curtis, and Joan Crawford?"
Cliff: Well, be that as it may, Alex, those people have never been in my kitchen.
Alex: Well, I'm sure they haven't. But obviously that's not what we were going for when we wrote up that clue.
Cliff: Obvious to who?
Alex: Cliff, it's all right. You don't have to worry. Unless you risked more than $21,600, you will be the new Jeopardy! champion. So let's take a look and see what your wager was. You bet... 22,000 Big Ones! Takes you down to $0. You bet it all. Cliff, why would you do something like that?
Cliff: It's because I knew that those people have never been in my kitchen! You can ask them, come on! Tony Curtis is still alive! Get them on the phone. Go ahead! I'll pay for the call.
Alex: It isn't gonna work Cliff, sorry. Agnes, $400 isn't a big total, but today, that is gonna make you Jeopardy! champion. Congratulations.
Cliff: No, she's not! I'm the champion! I answered all those questions. You saw me America!
Norm: Come on, let's leave now, nobody will know we were with him. [Woody and Norm leave from the audience]
Cliff: Tony Curtis, if you're out there and you can hear me, call in and I'll split the pot with you! Oh for crying out loud, look at. Any mail carriers out there?

Carla: Hey teach, I'm Carla LeBec. Listen I got this business problem. I'm being audited by the IRS and I'm a little scared.
Alice: Well don't be. The IRS auditors aren't inherently evil monsters and sadists. They're people just like you.
Carla: Boy I'm in worse trouble than I thought.

Carla: I know how we should celebrate. Why don't you just take me right on top of the bar like you did in the old days?
Sam: I never did that.
Carla: Then who was that guy? Oh that was the manager of the bar where I worked before this. Hey can anyone give me a ride to The Broken Spoke?

Carla: I told you he was my husband. I had twins with Eddie.
Gloria: So what? So did I.
Norm: Yikes.
Carla: At least mine don't give you warts when you touch them.

Carla: It's not fair. I swear I get all the disadvantages of being married and none of the perks.
Norm: Wait, there are perks?

Carla: Sorry. No suds tonight, Norm. You are still our designated driver, remember?
Norm: I know that. You know that. But did you have to call every bar in town and tell them?

Cliff: You know it's quite remarkable. To float something as heavy as a wedge of lime, beer must have quite a high buoyancy factor.
Carla: So do your loafers.
Norm: Call me old-fashioned Cliff, but the only thing I like floating in my beer is my liver.

Doris: Cliff, when you get out of the service, could we go out together?
Cliff: You know Doris, there's actually no rule against mailmen dating women. It just sort of turns out that way.

Frasier: All right now, everyone pay attention. I have an announcement to make and I only have a minute.
Norm: Why? You're in a hurry?
Frasier: No, I was referring to your relatively short attention spans.

Frasier: Carla, this psychic business is just a crutch to avoid reality. It's very easy for people to get hooked on this hocus pocus. Before you know it this woman will be holding your hand once a week, charging you $100 an hour, and filling your mind with all sorts of confusing jargon.
Carla: And how is that different from you?
Frasier: Well [pause]...I can prescribe drugs.

Frasier: Emotional crises can affect our sensory perceptions. Devastating. I've read volumes on hysterical blindness, loss of hearing, even total loss of speech.
Carla: Clavin had to pick blindness.
Frasier: Carla, you're not helping.
Carla: I'm not trying.

Frasier: How can you go back to a room full of people that think you're a total idiot? How do you do it Cliff?
Cliff: I don't really like to divulge-- Hey!

Frasier: I'm just going to the men's room to check my hair.
Carla: I already checked. It's not in there.

Frasier: Perhaps your dreams are trying to tell you about something too frightening for your waking mind.
Sam: Like what?
Frasier: Like you care. You care about Rebecca.
Sam: Oh come on, Frasier. You know me. How can I care about her? We haven't done the main thing that I care about.
Frasier: Forgive me, Sam. I forgot about your high moral standards.
Lilith: You mean to say, you can't care about a woman unless you sleep with her first?
Sam: Well, yeah.