Cheers quotes
515 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Season 7 Season 8
Season 9
Season 10
Season 11
Carla: Buy yourself a melon in case you misplace your head.
John Hill: Tell me Carla, clinically speaking are you considered a dwarf or a midget?
Carla: Say is that your head or is your neck blowing a bubble?
John Hill: Somebody phone the authorities in Paris. The gargoyle has just fallen off Notre Dame and is now taking drink orders.
Carla: You know two heads like that would make a perfectly good butt.
John Hill: Shrike.
Carla: Bullet head.
John Hill: Slattern.
Carla: Hatchet face.
John Hill: Well must be off. Till next month then.
Carla: He's good people.
John Hill: Tell me Carla, clinically speaking are you considered a dwarf or a midget?
Carla: Say is that your head or is your neck blowing a bubble?
John Hill: Somebody phone the authorities in Paris. The gargoyle has just fallen off Notre Dame and is now taking drink orders.
Carla: You know two heads like that would make a perfectly good butt.
John Hill: Shrike.
Carla: Bullet head.
John Hill: Slattern.
Carla: Hatchet face.
John Hill: Well must be off. Till next month then.
Carla: He's good people.
Carla: Fools, non believers, can't you see what the evil [foosball table] has done? You're trapped. You're spending every minute of every day in this bar.
Cliff: We always do that.
Carla: Yeah, but now you're doing it standing up.
Norm: That is kind of eerie.
Cliff: We always do that.
Carla: Yeah, but now you're doing it standing up.
Norm: That is kind of eerie.
Carla: Have you ever seen so many yuppies with gold cards?
Rebecca: John Allen Hill worked his magic, and we reap the benefits.
Carla: I love these charge slips. Look here. They put down a five for a tip. All I have to do is stick a one in front of it and I got 15.
Rebecca: John Allen Hill worked his magic, and we reap the benefits.
Carla: I love these charge slips. Look here. They put down a five for a tip. All I have to do is stick a one in front of it and I got 15.
Carla: Hey guys did I miss anything?
Norm: Sam hasn't started yet. Where've you been?
Carla: I've been visiting the other team. Ran into somebody I used to get hot and sweaty with.
Norm: Who's that?
Carla: The other team.
Norm: Sam hasn't started yet. Where've you been?
Carla: I've been visiting the other team. Ran into somebody I used to get hot and sweaty with.
Norm: Who's that?
Carla: The other team.
Carla: Wait a minute, Sammy. Look. Rebecca just said she was leaving here and never coming back.
Sam: Yeah.
Carla: Oh man, this is terrible.
Frasier: What?
Carla: Sammy finally struck out for real.
[Everyone in the bar mumbles]
Sam: What are you talking about here?
Carla: We all knew it was taking a long time but we thought that eventually you two would be doing the horizontal hokey pokey.
Norm: I guess that's it, huh? Lower the flag.
Carla: It's the end of an era.
Sam: Yup, I guess that's it.
Sam: Yeah.
Carla: Oh man, this is terrible.
Frasier: What?
Carla: Sammy finally struck out for real.
[Everyone in the bar mumbles]
Sam: What are you talking about here?
Carla: We all knew it was taking a long time but we thought that eventually you two would be doing the horizontal hokey pokey.
Norm: I guess that's it, huh? Lower the flag.
Carla: It's the end of an era.
Sam: Yup, I guess that's it.
Carla: When the mercury hits 95, I can't be responsible for my actions. Oh who is that hunk over there? In the uniform with the cute buns? [Cliff turns around] Oh my God, it's Clavin. This is worse than I thought. Has he always had that mustache?
Cliff: As a rule your psycho killers don't have families. They're loners. They may have jobs. They're good to their mothers. By and large they sit alone at night in a dark room writing their depraved thoughts in a diary.
Norm: Cliffie, you keep a diary, don't you?
Cliff: I keep a journal, Norm. A journal.
Norm: Cliffie, you keep a diary, don't you?
Cliff: I keep a journal, Norm. A journal.
Cliff: No, kale's more of a family of greens. Anything with a pungent aroma and a loose head can be called kale.
Carla: Get you another beer, kale?
Carla: Get you another beer, kale?
Cliff: Well that Paul, is the history of Western Civilization in a nutshell. You were right to come to me.
Paul: I didn't come to you, Cliff. I was waiting to use the phone.
Paul: I didn't come to you, Cliff. I was waiting to use the phone.
Esther: I can love you both for different reasons; Woody, I can love you because you're generous, kind, and strong, and Clifford, I can love you because I'm your biological mother and nature dictates there be a bond.
Frasier: [about Frederick and Sam] Isn't it sweet? My son and babysitter passed out in a bar.
Frasier: Carla, death is an earthly scientific passage predicted by either massive physical injury or progressive bodily deterioration. There is as little validity in a supposed death dream as there is in the cliched image of death itself as a grim bloodless ghoul who's bony finger reaches out to tap you on the shoulder when your number's up.
Lilith: [taps Frasier's shoulder] Frasier, it's time to go.
Frasier: [Screams] Don't do that, woman. Put on some blush.
Lilith: [taps Frasier's shoulder] Frasier, it's time to go.
Frasier: [Screams] Don't do that, woman. Put on some blush.
Frasier: I would like to nominate as the stupidest creature on earth: the one who awakens each day to drive through gridlocked traffic, to sit in a window less office breathing recirculated air, then returns home and collapses into a stupor, only to do the same damn thing all over again every day until he dies.
Norm: Looking forward to that vacation, hey Frase?
Frasier: You bet. We're going to Maui.
Norm: Looking forward to that vacation, hey Frase?
Frasier: You bet. We're going to Maui.
Frasier: I've just been feeling a bit edgy these days.
Woody: Why's that Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Lilith in her own compulsive little way made the mistake of asking me if I thought she looked fat.
Norm: And what did you say?
Frasier: I told her she looked just fine.
Norm: Rookie mistake. So what kind of punishment are you getting?
Frasier: I'm not getting any.
Norm: Oh you got off easy.
Frasier: No, I'm not getting any.
Norm: No, you're getting off easy.
Woody: Why's that Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Lilith in her own compulsive little way made the mistake of asking me if I thought she looked fat.
Norm: And what did you say?
Frasier: I told her she looked just fine.
Norm: Rookie mistake. So what kind of punishment are you getting?
Frasier: I'm not getting any.
Norm: Oh you got off easy.
Frasier: No, I'm not getting any.
Norm: No, you're getting off easy.
Frasier: Two grown men settling a rivalry by throwing a little white ball at a wooden stick. How pathetic. Now boxing, that's a man's sport. Punch a guy in the face and scramble his brains. That proves something.
Norm: Fraze, you're really coming around buddy.
Frasier: Thank you.
Norm: Fraze, you're really coming around buddy.
Frasier: Thank you.