Cliff: [after the gang learns that Rebecca stills get an allowance from her father] Imagine somebody getting an allowance at her age, eh? My ma cut me off when I was thirty. No ifs, ands or buts. And it hurt, I tell you - hurt like hell. Ah, but it had a happy ending.
Norm: Made you more self-reliant, Cliff?
Cliff: Nah. A couple of years later her pension fund went bankrupt. She had to come crawling to me for some dough. I just gave her the old horse laugh. "What goes around," huh, boys?

Cliff: [at Mr. Pubb's]Look at all the neon in here.
Norm: It looks like the inside of a UFO.
Cliff: Actually they're quite different... I guess.

Cliff: Normy, come on, will you? The buddy of ours is on the ledge, he's about to jump to his death. Let's go!
Norm: Jeez, you're right. I'd better go move my car.

Cliff: So, how's the career going, Nick? Last time we chatted you were talking about marketing some kind of slot machine for the home.
Nick: Oh, yeah... "Flush and Win." It was a great idea. The only problem is the people had a difficult time retrieving their change

Cliff: These are your golden years.
Ma Clavin: Oh, bless your heart. You've given me what every mother dreams of: a tastefully furnished room in which to die among strangers.

Cliff: Who'd have thought it, Rebecca and Frasier? What's next, me and Carla!?
[Carla grabs him by the back of the head]
Carla: Don't say it, Clavin, don't you even think it!

Diane: [to Woody] What's new in your life?
Woody: Oh, well, you know, I, uh, got married and I'm gonna have a kid.
Diane: Wonderful.
Woody: Yeah. Oh, I just got elected to the Boston City Council.
Diane: [amazed, in disbelief] How nice. And I'm next in line for the throne of England.
Woody: Well, you know, maybe we'll work together someday... hammer out a treaty or somethin'.

Frasier: [about Diane's husband] If she's left him a shred of manhood it's only because she's waiting for the right moment to flick it away like the last shriveled pea on her plate. Thank God I'm over her. Hit me, Woody! Four fingers of the meanest swill you got!

Frasier: [after a night of drinking Carla's special drinks] Woody, you had as much of that vile brew as the rest of us. How can you be so chipper this morning?
Woody: Oh, it's because of the old Hanover hangover cure. Very simple: first, put on your pajamas; then, take an aspirin with a glass of cold water; and then, you vomit 'til your nose bleeds and heave until you see the angels. Wake up in the mornin', you feel brand new. Boy, I am hungry. Anybody for some chili dogs?
Norm: Okay, okay, but only two.

Frasier: [after Sam suggests he begin dating] Look, I just came off a seven year marriage. It's hard to think of replacing Lilith.
Carla: Just go to the morgue and open any drawer.

Frasier: Hello, Diane.
Diane: Hello Frasier, you're looking well!
Frasier: I'm feeling well! I'm happily married with a bright young son and a successful practice. But, you know, what's most important, and I just realized it this moment, is that, I'm over you.
Diane: I'm glad.
Frasier: There is absolutely nothing here anymore. I'm over you. You could be a total stranger for all I'm feeling. You could be ugly and gnarled and toothless, without that shining hair, those dancing eyes and these graceful, subtle limbs. Thank God I'm free.
Diane: Frasier, you're hurting me!
Frasier: Well, you never hurt me, did you?!

Frasier: I guess we've seen the dark side of Sam Malone.
Cliff: You wanna see a dark side; you ought to see Ma when you leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub. That's something you don't do twice.

Frasier: I know. I'll simply imagine the worst thing you could possibly tell me, and whatever your news is, it will pale in comparison. In fact, whatever it is, it, it'll be a relief! Okay, okay...what is the worst thing I can imagine?
[Pause.]
Frasier: All right, I've got it. Lilith, your news please.
Lilith: This afternoon, in a moment of EXTREME weakness...I cheated on you.
Frasier: THAT WAS IT!! THAT WAS THE WORST THING!!!!
Lilith: Try to remain calm!
Frasier: How can I remain calm when you tell me you've slept with another man?! You SLUT!!!

Frasier: I"M GOING TO JUMP, LILITH!!!

Frasier: Well Norm, you could get someone to impersonate Vera.
Norm: Well thanks Frasier, but I doubt that Ed Asner has time to hop on a plane to Boston.