Carla: Eddie's got an extra ticket to the RV show for tonight, Coach. How's that sound?
Coach: Terrific.
Carla: Well go ahead. I'll cover for ya.
Coach: Hot dog!
Carla: Some luck, huh Eddie?
Eddie: Well, I guess I'm not going to get a good night kiss.
Carla: You might if you're nice to him.

Carla: Fools, non believers, can't you see what the evil [foosball table] has done? You're trapped. You're spending every minute of every day in this bar.
Cliff: We always do that.
Carla: Yeah, but now you're doing it standing up.
Norm: That is kind of eerie.

Carla: For the first time in my life when morning comes around I want to open up my eyes instead of my wrists.
Eddie: That's beautiful, honey.

Carla: Have you ever seen so many yuppies with gold cards?
Rebecca: John Allen Hill worked his magic, and we reap the benefits.
Carla: I love these charge slips. Look here. They put down a five for a tip. All I have to do is stick a one in front of it and I got 15.

Carla: Hey Frase, I hear you used to be married to a children's singer. What's the matter? Burl Ives turn you down?

Carla: Hey guys did I miss anything?
Norm: Sam hasn't started yet. Where've you been?
Carla: I've been visiting the other team. Ran into somebody I used to get hot and sweaty with.
Norm: Who's that?
Carla: The other team.

Carla: Hey Sam, you want me to hang around until your date gets here.
Sam: No, you probably want to get on home.
Carla: Are you kiddin'? It's two a.m., my kids might be there.

Carla: Hey teach, I'm Carla LeBec. Listen I got this business problem. I'm being audited by the IRS and I'm a little scared.
Alice: Well don't be. The IRS auditors aren't inherently evil monsters and sadists. They're people just like you.
Carla: Boy I'm in worse trouble than I thought.

Carla: Hey, Fitzie, thanks for that $20 tip last night. I don't want you getting the wrong idea about me.
Mr. Fitzgerald: Carla, I know that your favors are not for sale.
Carla: See, that's what I mean about the wrong idea.

Carla: Hey, wait. I got an idea.
Diane: You mean you actually conceived something besides a child.
Carla: Whoa... a bitter and unprovoked attack. I like it.

Carla: How come you're not going on that fishing trip, Coach?
Coach: I don't like the smell of them.
Carla: Yeah, fish stink.
Coach: No, the guys. Out in that sun all day, stuck in the muck. Who needs it?

Carla: I have a way with inanimate objects.
Cliff: Maybe you'd like to take a crack at Norm here.

Carla: I know everything about you, Malone.
Sam: Yeah, right.
Carla: Your favorite color is blue. Your favorite hobby is sailing. And your taste in women is not what it used to be.
Sam: Right across the board. You do know me.
Carla: A lot better than you know me.
Sam: Yeah?
Carla: Yeah.
Sam: Your favorite meal is Chicken McNuggets. Your favorite hobby is drawing underarm hair on all the models in Vogue magazine. And your favorite movie is Lady and the Tramp and you always cry when they come to the part about the spaghetti.
Carla: I didn't think anybody knew that.
Sam: I'll tell you something else I know about you that you didn't think I knew.
Carla: What?
Sam: You go to Mass every Sunday.
Carla: Who squealed on me?!

Carla: I know how we should celebrate. Why don't you just take me right on top of the bar like you did in the old days?
Sam: I never did that.
Carla: Then who was that guy? Oh that was the manager of the bar where I worked before this. Hey can anyone give me a ride to The Broken Spoke?

Carla: I think you're gonna be surprised, ‘cause Sam's gonna make this team. Right guys?
Norm: Right, of course, he's Mayday Malone.
Cliff: Yeah, but hold on there, Norm, what if he doesn't? Have you thought about that? A thing like that can really hit a guy hard. He'll probably storm back in here, go in the office, lock himself in, and maybe start taking inventory of his life. Peruse over the setbacks, the humiliations, the wrong turns, and all the while fashioning his belt into a makeshift noose. I mean we've all done it a hundred times.
Frasier: You okay, Cliff?
Cliff: What are you asking me for, Sam's the one with the problem.