Jackie: Hey, maybe a good way to break the ice is for everyone to tell a little about themselves. I'll go first... I like makeup and diets. And Steven here likes black things and throwing stuff at glass.
Brooke: Okay, well, I was valedictorian of my class, I run marathons and tutor kids in Latin.
Kelso: Well, I egged the valedictorian of my class, a marathon runner -- oh, and some kids that took Latin.
Hyde: This is fun.
Brooke: So how do you all know each other?
Jackie: Well, Michael and I dated for, like, three years.
Hyde: Then I stole her from him.
Brooke: Wait -- what?
Kelso: Nah, nah, you never could have stole her if I didn't cheat on her first.
Brooke: Okay. Wait a minute.
Kelso: It, uh... that sounds a lot worse than what it is. I only cheated on her with Eric's sister, and the rest of the girls were when we were on a break because I annoyed her. But none of those were sisters except the two that were sisters.
Hyde: He brought up the sisters. Awesome.
Brooke: Okay, this was a mistake. I think I'm going to go.
Kelso: No, Brooke, wait... I've been with a lot of chicks, a lot... a lot... a lot.
Jackie: That's not helping.
Kelso: Look, just let me start over... We might not be the perfect match, okay, but I really, really like you. I think maybe us having this baby together is, like, fate.
Brooke: Michael, fate is when two people meet on a train or in Paris, not in the bathroom at a Molly Hatchet concert. [gets up and leaves.]
Kelso: Fate. Man, never use a word in a fight if you don't really really know what it means.

Jackie: I can't believe you, Michael.
Kelso: What?
Jackie: You can't just maul me in front of my father!
Kelso: I bet he didn't even notice.
Jackie: He yelled at you to stop it.
Kelso: I thought he was yelling at you.

Jackie: I understand. Everybody wants their first makeout to be special, in some place romantic like Ireland or Disney World.

Jackie: I'm waiting.
Hyde: Just say it and she'll go home.
Eric: Fine. [pause] You know, you're right, Jackie, the Fonz could beat up Bruce Lee. [winces]
Jackie: Thank you!

Jackie: Laverne is so annoying. Why does Shirley put up with her crap?
Kelso: She has to. They're in love.
Donna: Again, Kelso, Laverne and Shirley are not lesbians.
Kelso: Trust me, they're one bottle of wine away from making out, just like you two.

Jackie: Look, I need to talk to someone. I can really use a friend right now.
Eric: Okay then well, good luck with that.

Jackie: Michael...
Kelso: [groggy] Jackie? Am I dreaming?
Jackie: Yes, you are.
Kelso: Are we gonna do it?
Jackie: Yes, we are.
Kelso: Cool. Where's Donna?
Jackie: WHAT?! [attacks Kelso]

Jackie: Say it.
Kelso: I do not keep secrets from you.
Jackie: Again.
Kelso: I do not keep secrets from you.
Jackie: Again.
Kelso: I do not keep secrets from you.
Fez: Aiiii SHUT UP! I am going insane! Kelso, if you want to possess a woman, this is what you need to do [takes Jackies hand] I as a mortal, am not worthy of your love, you are a goddess, and I worship you. And I dedicate every moment of my waking life to your joy...
Kelso: [takes Jackie's hand] Okay, what he said!
Jackie: Oh Michael! [kisses Michael while Fez wears Stupid Helmet and hits the table]

Jackie: See, I think it's stupid that Eric and Donna need to practice being married. I mean, it's simple. The woman just needs to be a cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room, and an acrobat in the bedroom. And I can hire a cook and a maid.
Hyde: I'm liking you more and more.

Jackie: Well, I have a date too.
Kelso: Who is he? What's his name?
Jackie: His name is... not important. What's important is, he's better than you, in every conceivable way.
Kelso: Damn, Jackie, that could be anybody!

Jackie: You know what? Maybe I do have feelings for Michael. But what am I supposed to do, he was my first boyfriend! And you know what, you're going to have to learn to deal with it, and if you can't, and you're going to have to break up with me because of that, then I can't stop you. But I think it's a real waste because I love you!
Hyde: ...I'm not saying it back!

Kelso: I can't believe it's our last circle together. Wait... Oh! Now I know why we called it a circle! Thats freaking awesome!

Kelso: Jacqueline Burkhart, will you marry me?
Jackie: Oh, Michael, no!
Kelso: No?
Jackie: No!
Kelso: Jackie, you just made me the happiest man on earth! I cant believe I wanted to marry you! That was my worst idea ever! And I had some really bad ideas. I mean, a Firecracker Suit -- come on! What the hell was THAT?!?
Hyde: The best fourth of June ever, that's what.

Kelso: [repeated line] You know what your problem is? I'm too good looking.

Kelso: [While in the circle] But I was just amusing myself, you know? And that's the key to life, right? Never stop amusing yourself.
Fez: Unless it starts to chafe. Then you should take a week off. It's almost Tuesday, right?