[Since Jackie crashed Kelso's van, Kelso demands an accounting of all expenses incurred during their relationship. Hyde writes down the expenses.]
Hyde: All right. All right. Jackie... in your opinion, what are the goods and services that Kelso owes you for?
Jackie: Everything. He was a total doofus before I met him. In fact, I bought you that belt. So hand it over. And the shirt too.
Kelso: Fine. You know, this shirt has bad memories of you buying me stuff anyway [starts to take off his shirt]
Fez: Here. Let me do the math. Okay. Now, Kelso...Uh, Kelso owes Jackie the price for breaking her beautiful heart... and stealing her innocence. Now, Kelso, what do you believe Jackie owes you?
Kelso: Well- Uh-W- One time I told her that she looked pretty when really she looked pretty skanky. And...and....Hyde, help me out here.
Hyde: Okay. Let me think. Oh. Don't forget he burned your house.
Kelso: Hyde.
Hyde: Dude, you burned her house.

[The gang discuss Kelso's selection as talent for Red's Price Mart stockboy video]
Eric: You know, I wasn't that worried about Donna and my mom talking about me but now that I'm all paranoid I'm all, like paranoid. I mean, when did it become okay for them to be friends?
Hyde: Right after your father replaced you with a semi-literate pretty boy.
Kelso: That's me. So, I've been thinking about great actors to model myself after and I choose Travolta.
Hyde: Kelso...I can think of no better way to impress Red than by acting like Travolta in his industrial film. Bravo, man. [claps hands]
Eric: That is good advice. Man, I don't want Donna and my mom talking about me.
Jackie: Yeah, and Donna's a big mouth. Like, she told me how you wore makeup to last year's class picture.
Eric: What? Ha, I did not! I did not. I had a zit. Stop looking at me.
Hyde: Forman, you and I are both victims of parental abandonment. Luckily, I have a rich hippie benefactor. He bought me nudie mags I'd never even heard of.
Kelso: [impersonating Travolta as Tony Manero] Yeah, I stock this shelf! But someday I'm gonna dance across this whole city. [back to own voice] That's dead-on.

[The gang is hanging out in Hyde's room]
Jackie: Why are you guys all in Steven's room?
Fez: Well, Hyde was here so I came in because I am not comfortable enough with myself to be alone.
Jackie: Yeah, but it's all gray like a prison cell. Gray is why prisoners are unhappy.
Hyde: Really, I always thought it? was the loss of freedom ...... and the uninvited man love.

[The gang is heading to Vanstock. Kelso and Laurie are in the forward section of the van]
Kelso: So, you wanna shift?
Laurie: It's an automatic.
Kelso: I know.
Jackie: [jumps out from behind the curtain] Surprise!
Kelso: AAAAAAAHHHH!

[The gang is not pleased that Kelso's planning to bail on the check at the Vineyard.]
Jackie: Michael, I have never dined and dashed, and I'm not about to start now.
Kelso: Uh, well... Remember when we went to nice restaurants and I told you to wait in the car while I paid? Did you ever wonder why I was running to the car?
Jackie: Oh, my God. I'm a thief.
Hyde: I think technically you're an accessory.
Eric: Which should make you happy, because you love accessories, earrings, bracelets, bangles, bows...
Jackie: Shut up!

[The gang is watching Red scream through the screen door. Kelso has just walked in]
Kelso: Sorry I'm late but I was cutting through backyards and the Hendersons got a new jungle gym. Woah, he's still yelling?
Eric: Yeah, I'm trying to read Red's lips but I can't make it out. He keeps calling me a stupid duck. [Jackie looks at Hyde in disbelief. Eric finally gets it and snaps his fingers] Ahhh.
Kelso: Hey I'll go spy on them. I just need to run home and change into my ninja outfit,
Eric: I don't think this situation calls for camouflage, Kelso.
Kelso: Well doesn't mean it's not fun to wear, Eric.

[The gang just 'kidnapped' Fatso the Clown]
Jackie: [entering the basement] So you guys-[screams] WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING HERE?!
Donna: We stole Fatso the Clown! And now we're gonna...uhm...what do we do with a stolen clown?
Hyde: [in starting a Circle] THIS is what we do with a stolen clown. Actually, this is what we do without a stolen clown. It always comes back to this.
Fatso: [Randy providing voice] Hohohohohohohoho. Thanks for bringing me here you guys!
Randy: So Fatso, now that you're free, is there anything we can do for ya?
Fatso: Huhuh yeah. Find me a really trashy clown-hooker with nice long legs and a pair of double D [honks horn].
Randy: I found this in the garage.
Fez: Oh Randy, you think you are so funny [sniggers] That was funny.
Jackie: Look at that freaky-ass clown. It's just staring at me...he doesn't even blink...
Donna: It's because he likes you. He loves you. He wants to marry you and then..KILL YOU! [Jackie screams loud]

[The gang sees Fez come back from ballet practice]
Kelso: Hey, uh, puffy-shirt guy called. He wants his puffy shirt back.
Fez: Things at ballet class have taken a turn for the worse. Somehow, I've become one of the girls...a hairy, brown girl.
Eric: Hey, uh, Fez does that shirt come with its own bicycle pump?
Donna: You should talk. [points at Eric's striped shirt] That shirt makes you look like a stick of Fruit Stripe gum.
Eric: God, what did you have for breakfast this morning? Carnation Instant Bitch?
Hyde: Okay, that one was out of the park.

[The gang think of ways on how to spend their Halloween. Kelso has an idea.]
Kelso: You know what would be fun? If we were in an Alfred Hitchcock movie right now, and we didn't know it. And then, someone one told us and we were all like, �Oh man! I'm in a movie!" [Hyde, Kelso, Donna, Eric, Jackie, and Fez individually give surprised looks to the camera]
Donna: Yeah, ok, I'm out of here.
Eric: Wait, but I thought we-
Donna: GET BENT!
Eric: Ok, I'll do that.

[The gang, the Formans and Bob are in the Forman living room after Eric failed to arrive at the wedding rehearsal. Hyde answers a phone call.]
Hyde: Hello... Yeah, we kinda figured... Uh-huh ... Well, do you wanna talk to her? She sittin' right here... Okay [hangs up] Wrong number.
Donna: Hyde, what did he say?
Hyde: He said he's really sorry.
Donna: He's sorry? He left me the day before our wedding, and he's sorry? What.. what does that mean?
Hyde: It means he's not coming. Not tonight, not to the wedding. He's gone.
Kelso: Man, I am glad to be here. I have had a rough day. Being around all this love and happiness oughtta cheer me right up. I mean, this is a happy day. Look at all the love. Wait, hey, where's Eric?

[The guys are putting in a new water heater]
Eric: This is the best water heater ever. God bless us, every one.
Red: Do you know why Tiny Tim walked with a crutch?
Eric: Because he had a smart mouth?
Red : That's right.

[The guys are smoking in the basement]
Kelso: I went to the mall today... and I bought a pair of new shoes [pause] and they're the coolest kicks in the cave.

[The guys enter a bar]
Eric: All right. They didn't even check our fake IDs.
Fez: And I wasted a whole day thinking up my fake name.
Hyde: Yeah. Sorry, "Pez." Let's drink.
Bud: So, fellas, school let out early?
Kelso: Yeah. We're just....
Eric: Kelso, shut up!
Kelso: Uh, I mean, no. No, we're old. We're workers. We're all construction workers. Hey, fellas, did you see that brick today? Whoo!
Bud: Relax, guys. It's "Serve a Minor Night" at the old "Don't Have a Liquor License" Saloon [to Hyde] You look familiar. Do I know you?
Hyde: I should hope so...Dad. [Kelso, Eric, and Fez are aghast]

[The guys have been talking about women and their physical features, but whenever Red walks by, they switch to talking about the Bible.]
Kelso: Geez, if [Red]'s like this now, he's going to be a total headcase when they shut down the plant. He's just going to be this pathetic guy...
[Red walks in]
Kelso: [loudly]: ...with breasts the size of watermelons! [pauses] ...Is what Moses said to the Egyptians.
Red: Kelso, go home.

[Two girls approach Eric]
Random Girl #1: Oh, my God, Eric Forman! I love your shirt.
Eric: Really? I wore this shirt for four years and no one said a thing.
Random Girl #2: I guess now you really fill it out!
Eric: Thanks. I'm, like, up to 17 push-ups a night, so..
Random Girl #2: No, I don't think that's it. I think it's because you're not a high school boy any more.
Random Girl #1: You're 18 now; you've seen and done it all.
Eric: No, no, I... Well, yes, yes, I have! [Kelso pulls Eric away.]
Kelso: You better watch out, okay? Girls are talking to you. I think there might be a practical joke in the works.
Eric: No, man, I don't think so. I think it's because I graduated. Hyde, am I cool now?
Hyde: Well, you're cool like margarine is butter... close, but there's a little aftertaste.