[Eric and Donna are making out in his bed, but Donna discovers an issue of PlayPen on the floor]
Donna: You keep a stack of dirty magazines under your bed? [gets up to look under his bed]
Eric: What? No! God, not a stack. You know, what is a "stack" really?
Donna: Why do you have these down here?
Eric: Now, wait, Donna...downstairs you were laughing and cracking jokes about this stuff.
Donna: Eric, that was in the basement...with our idiotic friends. Why do you need them? Aren't I enough? [throws the magazines at him]
Eric: No-Yeah, you're enough. God, you're...you're plenty. It's just, uh, that, uh... you see, Donna, you see, what I do with dirty magazines... is... really only interesting to me.... with the reading of the articles and the solving of the puzzles and whatnot.
Donna: You know what? I don't wanna know bout the whatnot. I'm outta here [leaves room]
Eric: [to magazines] Oh, no, girls. She's onto us.

[Eric and Donna are sitting in the basement. Red has been pressuring them to marry]
Eric: You know what I think Donna? I think this whole get married-in-a-week stuff is just Red trying to get us to call the whole thing off. Yeah, but you know what? That ain't happening Missy. You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna teach Red a lesson and get married out of spite. Yeah screw you Red!
Donna: Wow! It's every little girl's dream to get married out of spite!

[Eric and Donna talk about bad taste at the Forman living room]
Donna: Well, I think this whole room is a great example of bad taste. [Kitty and Red just walked in]
Kitty: Excuse me?
Donna: Uh, Mrs Forman-
Kitty: I have spent years picking every item in this room so that I would be surrounded by the things that I love and the people I thought loved me.
Red: Hey, Kitty, how about a nap?
Kitty: [snaps at Red] And you, [picks up TV remote control] have you fixed the damn clicker yet? What good is a clicker if it won't click?!? [stomps at remote]

[Eric and Donna visit the marriage counselor, Pastor Dan]
Pastor Dan: Okay, what did you want to tell me?
Eric: Well, you see, Pastor Dan, when we were here before and you had asked us about premarital sex, we might have...We lied, okay? We have had sex zillions of times. I used to try to keep track on a pad, but it got unwieldy. Oh, God.
Donna: Eric!
Eric: Well, I'm sorry, Donna, but we are knocking on hell's door, and I ain't goin' in!
Pastor Dan: Eric, you're not going to hell. But you might be. I don't know you that well. I just think you're depriving yourselves of that wonderful moment when marriage is cemented by giving the gift of yourselves.
Donna: Wow. I never thought about it that way.
Pastor Dan: Maybe that's why you couldn't figure out the whole excitement about marriage. The one thing you should have been looking forward to, you had already experienced. Maybe you knew that without realizing it.
Eric: Um...I don't mean to bring up Star Wars again. This is a lot like Luke before he discovered the Force.
Pastor Dan: Exactly. And what is the Force in real life? [Eric gasps and points up at ceiling]

[Eric and Donna walk in on Jackie and Hyde kissing.]
Donna: What the hell!
Jackie: Oh, my God.
Eric: I'm blind!
Jackie: Get off me! [pushes Hyde away]
Hyde: [to Donna] Great outfit.
Jackie: So, yeah. What exactly did you guys see?
Eric: You, him, hands, tongues. It was horrible!
Donna: You were like Siamese twins joined at the beard.

[Eric and Red both grab the last waffle]
Eric: Hey...leggo my Eggo.
Red: Hey...leggo my foot up your ass!
[Eric drops the waffle]

[Eric confronts Red in the garage over being shallow about Kitty's revelation of being pregnant]
Eric: Hey, I was just inside with Mom and she's really upset. I just want to know...what's your problem?
Red: [turns to Eric] You made me bald.
Eric: What?
Red: Five generations...not one bald head in my family. Then you came along, and - Well, look at it! [shows off baldness] Children make me bald. [goes back to car]
Eric: You know what, wear a hat. [Red turns around] 'Cause Mom is really scared, and she could really use a little damn support right now. And I don't usually tell you what to do 'cause you usually do the right thing, but this time, you didn't. You know how you're always telling me to be a man? Well, be a man! [walks back to house, but faces Red again] I made you bald? You made me skinny!

[Eric has scheduled a date with Penny at the basement]
Eric: Good evening, milady. 11 o'clock on the nose.
Penny: Well, we're all alone. I told Hyde to amscray for a while. So go ahead, take off your robe. [Eric takes off his robe, wearing a t-shirt and his underpants. He and Penny sit closely on the couch as Red and Kitty enter basement]
Kitty: Penny, there's no rat...
Penny: [jumps up from the couch] Don't Eric! Don't!
Eric: No, I was...
Red: Eric, step away from your cousin.
Eric: No, she's not my cousin. She was adopted.
Penny: I'm not adopted.
Eric: Wh-What? What? She's lying!
Kitty: Eric, I saw her mother give birth to her. Now what is going on?
Eric: I'm... sleepwalking?
Red: And I'm about to be sleepkicking your ass.
Penny: Eric, what kind of person would lie about something as serious as being adopted?
Eric: A liar who specializes in adoption lies: You. A mean, vindictive person.
Penny: Like someone who would trap someone in a revolving door?
Eric: Yes! Ohh. Mom, Dad, can... can Penny and I be alone for a minute?
Red: No! I'm not raising any flipper grandkids.
Eric: No. Look, I just want to apologize to Penny.
Kitty: Fine. When you're done, you head right upstairs. I'm having Pastor Dave come over for an emergency house call.

[Eric invites Stacey to dinner at his house]
Stacey: At your house? Will your dad be there? 'Cause I'll go if he's there.
Eric: Okay...what, do you like, you like my dad? [Stacey looks away and to twirls her hair] OH MY GOD, YOU LIKE MY DAD!?
Stacey: You know if he's seeing anyone?
Eric: Yeah, my mom! And they bought furniture together, so yeah, I think it's pretty serious.

[Eric is being punished for "smoking." Red has him sweeping out the garage. Bob blames Eric for Donna failing English.]
Red: Well, that's kind of stupid, Bob.
Bob: Well, I guess the truth hurts.
Red: So does a swift kick in the ass.
Bob: All right, I'm going. But a swift kick in the ass is not the solution to everything, Forman!
Red: I gotta disagree, Bob!
Eric: Uh, Dad... thanks for...
Red: KEEP SWEEPING, SMOKER!

[Eric is laying on the couch, hungover]
Eric: My head hurts.
Red: That's your own brain comprehending it's own stupidity.
Kitty:[On Hyde's Dad] What kind of man leaves a bunch of kids alone with a keg?
Eric: A fun one?
Red: Hey, Jim Beam, can it.

[Eric is trying to connect new speakers in his car]
Hyde: Where's the tunes, Forman?
Fez: I learned how to speak English faster than this.
Kelso: It's not real English if you speak it with a foreign accent.

[Eric just bought a gift for Donna]
Hyde: So, Forman, you finally broke down, huh? What'd you get her? Earrings? A little bracelet?
Eric: No, I got her way more than a piece of jewelry. I got her a gift that really says something - a diamond engagement ring.
Kelso: As a joke?
Eric: No, you guys, I'm gonna ask Donna to marry me.
Kelso: As a joke?

[Eric laments about accidentally seeing Kelso's van plunge from Mt Hump]
Eric: Man, poor Kelso's van. When it finally landed, it didn't so much crash, it just completely separated into basic elements and just returned to nature.
Donna: So sad, there were Tootsie Rolls everywhere.

[Eric lies in Donna's bed]
Eric: So... cold... Can't... use the Force...