Married... with Children quotes
396 total quotesAll Seasons
Season 1
Season 2
Season 3
Season 4
Season 5
Season 6
Season 7
Season 8
Season 9
Season 10
Season 11
Al: Well, if you came with a remote and mute button, I might turn you too every now and then.
Al: Well, let's see: I have an unemployed actress for a daughter... a son who'd have sex with a fire hydrant...and...
Peg: Oh, happy day. My TV Guide cover collector plates are here.
Al: That! Gee, I wonder where the next bolt of lightning will strike.
Peg: Oh, happy day. My TV Guide cover collector plates are here.
Al: That! Gee, I wonder where the next bolt of lightning will strike.
Al: Well, when the bill comes, it'll come to Buck... What are they gonna do, sue a dog? Arrest him? Cuff 'em? Beat the hell out of 'em? And so what if they did?
Al: What do I need a computer for?
Marcy: News updates.
Al: Newspaper.
Marcy: Social events.
Al: TV guide.
Steve: Recipes.
Al: [placing arm around Peg] Don't eat.
Steve: Doctor's appointments.
Al: Don't care.
Marcy: News updates.
Al: Newspaper.
Marcy: Social events.
Al: TV guide.
Steve: Recipes.
Al: [placing arm around Peg] Don't eat.
Steve: Doctor's appointments.
Al: Don't care.
Al: What're you in for?
Old Man: Stole an ashtray from the Ritz. You?
Al: Towel from the Suvoy. Whatta they feed ya in here?
Old Man: Bread and water.
Al:...Then it's truly the best vacation I ever had!
Season 7
Old Man: Stole an ashtray from the Ritz. You?
Al: Towel from the Suvoy. Whatta they feed ya in here?
Old Man: Bread and water.
Al:...Then it's truly the best vacation I ever had!
Season 7
Al: When a Bundy doesn't get what's rightfully his, he makes sure that no one gets it either.
Al: When did you leave?
Peg: Yesterday.
Al: No wonder the sex was good then last night.
Peg: Yesterday.
Al: No wonder the sex was good then last night.
Al: When I felt that hairy hand go in my pocket, I naturally assumed it was Peg.
Al: Where the music stinks and they water the drinks -- the nudie bar. Where the girlies dance in their underpants -- the nudie bar. Where you see their butt, but their trap stays shut -- the nudie bar.
Al: Why are you doing this to me, Marcy?
Marcy: Because God's on vacation and He wants me to fill in.
Marcy: Because God's on vacation and He wants me to fill in.
Al: Why did we buy a house with only one bathroom?
Peggy: Because all the other houses in our price range were on fire. Except for that lovely house with no kitchen that I wanted.
Al: Well, we all have our disappointments. I have to sleep with mine.
Peggy: Is that its new name?
Peggy: Because all the other houses in our price range were on fire. Except for that lovely house with no kitchen that I wanted.
Al: Well, we all have our disappointments. I have to sleep with mine.
Peggy: Is that its new name?
Al: You are the biggest -- by the way, do you have cable?
Steve: No.
Al: The biggest IDIOT I've ever met.
Steve: No.
Al: The biggest IDIOT I've ever met.