Al deduces what the reason for Peggy's big checks are
Al: Peg, why did you not sell the cosmetics?
Peg: Well, my friends decided they were not as good as other cosmetics.
Al: OK, fine. So why in the world would you buy off yourself?
Peg: To get the commission checks!
Al gives strained look of rage
Al: You see Peg, when you buy off yourself you get less coming in than what you owe. In the shoe business lingo we call that...SENDING YOUR HUSBAND ROCKETING TO THE POORHOUSE! How much do you owe?
Peg{sheepishly}: Minus the commission checks?
Al: Yes, Peg.
Peg: $627.
Al{sternly}: Well, looks like we will have to keep up the part-time job until the debt is retired.
Scene shifts to Burger Trek. An improperly-wrapped hamburger is sent out a chute to a customer's tray
Captain: Did not make the noise, Bundy!
Kitchen. Peg is now working at Burger Trek instead of Al
Peg{on microphone}: Whoosh!

Al has invited Steve to watch an attractive repair girl fix his refrigerator
Steve {stern voice}: Let me get this straight, you dragged me all the way over here for this?!
Al: Yeah.
Steve {pleasant voice}: Thanks, Al!
Steve opens can of beer with Al

Al is knocked out. He is revived by a strange man
Angel: Hey Al, are you OK?
Al: How did you know my name?
Angel: Because I am your guardian angel.
Al: Then prove it. If you are an angel can you make my Christmas lights work?
Angel snaps fingers and lights are fully functional
Al: Nice! Hmm, what else could I ask for?
Angel: Oh come on Bundy, do not be a wish pig!
Al: You are right. Tell you what, forget about the lights and use your power to make the Hee Haw girls appear.
Angel{laughing}: I have been waiting for them to die too!

Al is long haired
Al: You think I want this? Do you think I appreciate old guys in granny glasses asking me if I like the new Grateful Dead album? That is the problem with everything. They try and make it better without realizing the old is fine. They take away the pinball machine...bring in the video game. I do not care if a monkey can make it to the top of a building...unless he was going up there to defenestrate his wife! I do not want a hair salon, I want the barber pole, I want the dog in the corner, I want my hair cut by a man who likes girls but not women.
Al caves in
Al: Hopefully, wherever they buried Tony, they buried him face down so he wouldn't have to see my shame. 'Cause Al Bundy... is going to get washed... and blown.

All of Al's friends have perms
Al: Come on, guys! Lets go out and find a fire hydrant, stick our heads in the hole and wash the gay away!
Mike: Outside, without our hair nets?
Al: And move fast! After that, none of us care how long it takes and spare no expense, but we find ourselves a barber!

Last lines of episode
Kelly: Hi Dad. How was Florida?
Al: Oh, you know, hot, muggy, kitschy. What I expected.
Bud: Did you bring anything back?
Al: Only thing I could think of. Say hello to our new houseguest, Mr. Byrnes.
Edd Byrnes enters Bundy residence
Edd Byrnes: Hey kids, I got a treat for each of you!
Edd hands Kelly and Bud each a comb, then goes outside
Al: Care to tell me who those men camping out on my front lawn are?
Kelly: Oh, that is just Anthrax, Daddy. They ate Mom's mystery pack so the Red Cross quarantined them to our house for six months.
Al: Swell. I can only imagine what ungodly music I will be made to bear for the next six months.
Anthrax is outdoors with Edd Byrnes
Charlie Benante: Hey, this really rocks!
Anthrax{singing in unison}: Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb!

[After listening to Kelly]
O'Malley: Nurse, I need a Q-Tip and a Hammer.

[After returning from the bowling riot]
Al: Did you hear something on the news?
Peg: Yes, as a matter of fact. They said that the sun was going to supernova and we should have sex before the end comes.
Al: I got no time, Peg. I gotta go looting!

[Al and Peg are going outside to sleep.]
Peg: Oh, no, Al! It's raining!
Al: Good. I'll sleep with my mouth open. Maybe I'll drown.

[Al and Peg are posing as Steve and Marcy Rhoades on a game show named "How Do I Love Thee".]
Bink: Are you ready for the final challenge, Steve?
Al: What's it gonna be this time, Bink? Hand grenade down the pants? Spear in the pelvis? Impail me on a fence? Come on Bink, don't keep me in suspense here. The wife need a new car!
Bink: Ok Steve, you and Marcy are going up against an old married couple who may not love each other as much as you and your bride. As always we picked them from our studio audience for the way they filled out our questionnaire: Why I Hate My Spouse. From right here in the windy city. He's a shoe salesman. She's a waste of a human life. Married for 16 years meet Al and Peggy Bundy.
[Steve and Marcy comes out posing as Al and Peg.]

[Al and Peg come up from the dark cellar.]
Peg: Oh, Al, take me again.
Al: I didn't even know I was taking you then. I tripped on a box and then I thought the furnace fell on me.
Season 6

[Al and Steve see beautiful women in the lingerie store.]
Al: I knew women looked like that. I knew it. I knew it.

[Al comes in with a perm.]
Peg: You look like a fruit, Al.
Al: Thanks, Peg.
Bud: Pretty cool, Dad. You have that "no closet can hold me" look.
Kelly: Leave Dad alone, you guys. (to Al): You're still going to wear men's clothing, aren't you?

[Al drives into the garage where Bud and his frat friends are holding hands with their pants down.]
Bud: Hi Dad. We're having sort of a secret ceremony here.
Al: Not secret enough, son.

[Al enters the house carrying a steering wheel.]
Peg: Hi, honey. Why did you bring the steering wheel in the house?
Al: Well, I thought, since it isn't attached any more, maybe you'd like to cook it up for dinner?