Married... with Children quotes
396 total quotesAll Seasons
Season 1
Season 2
Season 3
Season 4
Season 5
Season 6
Season 7
Season 8
Season 9
Season 10
Season 11
Peg: [reads test questions from a magazine to Al] Who would you rather spend the night with? A, your wife, or B...
Al: B!
Al: B!
Peg: [thinking] Poor Al. He's having such a miserable day. Gee, I hope he doesn't realize this jacket cost $200
Al: [thinking] My record is going to hell. No one will remember me, and my wife is wearing a $200 jacket.
Al: [thinking] My record is going to hell. No one will remember me, and my wife is wearing a $200 jacket.
Peg: [to Al] Are you enjoying your day off?
Al: Peg, you know I am. Now, how are you gonna ruin it for me? Sex? Chores? What?
Al: Peg, you know I am. Now, how are you gonna ruin it for me? Sex? Chores? What?
Peg: Al, don't make me stop shopping. You'll destroy my life.
Al: Good; then we'll be even.
Al: Good; then we'll be even.
Peg: Al, guess what I got?
Al: You got a Christmas present for me?
Peg: Uh, no, but I could go back out again. Do you got any money?
Al: Well, I was saving up for a bullet.
Al: You got a Christmas present for me?
Peg: Uh, no, but I could go back out again. Do you got any money?
Al: Well, I was saving up for a bullet.
Peg: Al, guess what? Marcy is pregnant.
Al: Well, congratulations Marcy, now you can finally be fitted for a bra.
Marcy: That's right, Al, but I don't need to complain to you what it's like to carry around small things.
Al: Well, congratulations Marcy, now you can finally be fitted for a bra.
Marcy: That's right, Al, but I don't need to complain to you what it's like to carry around small things.
Peg: Al, I don't like these twin beds. It's unnatural.
Al: Anything involving you in a bed is unnatural, Peg. Just put on your snore strap and go to sleep.
Al: Anything involving you in a bed is unnatural, Peg. Just put on your snore strap and go to sleep.
Peg: Al, I think this thing is broken.
Al: Peg, unlike many of your other devices, this one doesn't need batteries.
Al: Peg, unlike many of your other devices, this one doesn't need batteries.
Peg: Al, I'm afraid. Hold me.
Al: Peg, Peg, my life's in danger here. It's important I maintain my will to live.
Al: Peg, Peg, my life's in danger here. It's important I maintain my will to live.
Peg: Al, just call a roofer.
Al: There. Right there, Peg, is the problem with America. We've lost our spirit of self-reliance. Something's broken, call someone. Something's leaking, call someone. One of the kids suffers a ruptured appendix, call someone. Whatever happened to rugged American manhood?
Bud: Well we don't know yet, Dad. Kelly's tests haven't come back from the lab yet.
Kelly: Chew Dad's socks!
Bud: Eat Mom's food!
Al: There. Right there, Peg, is the problem with America. We've lost our spirit of self-reliance. Something's broken, call someone. Something's leaking, call someone. One of the kids suffers a ruptured appendix, call someone. Whatever happened to rugged American manhood?
Bud: Well we don't know yet, Dad. Kelly's tests haven't come back from the lab yet.
Kelly: Chew Dad's socks!
Bud: Eat Mom's food!
Peg: Al, nobody wants to peep me. Hold me!
Al: Well nobody wants to hold you either.
Al: Well nobody wants to hold you either.
Peg: Al, our baby's gone. Hold me.
Al: I didn't hold you when we conceived her. Why should I start now?
Al: I didn't hold you when we conceived her. Why should I start now?
Peg: Al, you're tracking mud on the carpet.
Al: It's not all mud; some of it is colon.
Al: It's not all mud; some of it is colon.
Peg: And then of course there's that ten months of pregnancy.
Marcy: Ten?
Peg: Male Bundys never wanna come out. Oh, and then once they're out, they never wanna go back in again.
Marcy: Ten?
Peg: Male Bundys never wanna come out. Oh, and then once they're out, they never wanna go back in again.
Peg: And to think I could've had any man on the football team.
Al: Peg, you had them all.
Al: Peg, you had them all.