Lilith: What was that? [Tries door] Frasier what are you doing? Frasier the door seems to be jammed. Frasier?
Diane: Sam, open the door.
[Fraiser offers Sam a cigar]
Frasier: Macanudo?
Sam: Don't mind if I do, thank you.
Frasier: You know, I can't stand all this caterwauling, let's go upstairs. I've got all 13 episodes of I, Claudius on tape.
Sam: Great, I love gladiator flicks.

Lilith: Ah Frasier, here you are. Where are the dysfunctional men?
Carla: Throw a rock.

Lilith: Do you make a drink for failures here at Cheers?
Sam: Hold on a second. Phil, what do you drink?
Phil: A Manhattan.
Sam: Manhattan.

Lilith: Excuse me. I have to check my messages.
Carla: You got one from Madame Tussaud. Get back to the museum.

Lilith: Frasier, I've got to run. I'm having my photograph taken for a new ID badge at the lab.
Rebecca: Are you going to get your hair done for that?
Lilith: Why on earth should I?
Carla: Well at least get the tension on that bun checked. I mean if that baby goes, we are dead!
Lilith: That hardly seems just, coming from a woman whose hair has never seen a greasy pot it couldn't scrub clean.

Lilith: Frasier, we need to have a discussion.
Frasier: oh no, don't tell me you have a thing against Halloween too.
Lilith: I don't have a thing against Halloween. I just don't want my child panhandling door to door accepting non-nutritious snacks from strangers dressed in a silly costume.
Frasier: But darling, that is Halloween.
Lilith: Oh well, then I guess I do have a thing against it.

Lilith: I don't know how comfortable I feel with this setup. He's just a baby. He needs supervision.
Frasier: Well Sam can take care of him.
Lilith: I'm talking about Sam. You know how out of control he can get at times. What a mess he can make.
Frasier: Sam can clean it up.
Lilith and Frasier: I'm talking about Sam.
Frasier: Darling, it will just be for a few hours.
Lilith: All right but if anything goes wrong he could be scarred for life.
Frasier: You mean Sam, right.
Lilith: Yes and it's a threat.

Lilith: I have a small favor to ask regarding our impending wedding. since all of my close friends will be out of town and we have had a previous conversation and our eyes have met on a number of occasions I was wondering if you'd consent to be my maid of honor.
Rebecca: Oh I'm very flattered. I guess so. Sure Lila.
Lilith: Lilith.
Rebecca: Right right. I knew that.

Lilith: I suggest that your behavior indicates an unacceptable level of sexual frustration. You strike me as a man who needs professional help. Or perhaps a girlfriend.
Frasier: And you strike me as a woman who could use a good cuffing.

Lilith: I think your humor is expressive of a hidden hostility toward Rebecca. Or perhaps deep down you fear she really is capable of taking this bar from you.
Sam: Put a suit on a woman and she thinks she's God.
Lilith: Frasier, are you going to let him talk to me like this?
Frasier: She's also this way when the suit comes off, Sam.

Lilith: It's a dangerous combination: a karaoke machine and an obsessive personality whose parents used to play Broadway cast albums to drown out their lovemaking.

Lilith: Oh doctor, thank God I felt so isolated here. I guess I had false labor. I'm just so terribly embarrassed because I'm a doctor myself. I was so sure this was the real thing. Not to mention the fact that I was sure I was going to be a mother today. Now I have to go on waiting. I need someone to talk me though this and please please tell me what to do.
Doctor: False labor. Go home.

Lilith: There are two approaches a woman can take in turning her looks to her advantage. The first is to play upon the male sexual drive and turn yourself into an object of desire. I have opted for the second.
Rebecca: What's that?
Lilith: Scaring them stupid.

Lilith: Well kudos to Carla. It's healthy after a time to curtail one's grieving and recommence interest in the opposite sex. I know if my Frasier were taken from me in an unforeseen tragedy I would certainly date again after an acceptable period of bereavement.
Frasier: That gives me a warm fuzzy.
Lilith: There'd be no sense in being overly emotional, darling. You'd be dead and rotting in a box.
Frasier: Woody, can I have another beer and would you check on the robot over there and check if it's thirsty.
Woody: Hey Dr. Crane, that's your wife. Don't talk about her like that. What can I get you Dr. Sternin-Crane? Another quart of Valvoline?
Lilith: Oh won't you people stop it? I am not a robot!

Lilith: Well, I'm off. I don't know what the future holds. Whatever happens, I only hope I can realize my full potential. To acquire things the old Lilith never had.
Carla: Like a body temperature?
Lilith: That's very good, Carla. Incidentally, I've taken your little wisecracks for a few years now, you hideous gargoyle, and if you ever open that gateway to hell you call a mouth in my direction again, I'll snap off your extremities like dead branches and feed them to you at gunpoint.
Carla: Well, that was just rude.