Frasier: Sam, your whole life has been a string of meaningless albeit enjoyable sexual encounters. Now for the first time you're engaging in a meaningful productive pursuit. It's a common conflict between what we call recreational sex and procreational sex.
Sam: What?
Frasier: Oh, dirty sex and clean sex.

Frasier: Something tells me Diane's not the type of woman who'd want a ring from a jeweler who starts every business transaction with "Pssst, buddy."

Frasier: To recap; sitting in the bar today we have among others a man who is actually simple enough to hypnotize himself. I'd like to offer the suggestion that we've seen it all. [Sam enters wearing a military uniform] Happily I stand corrected.

Frasier: Two grown men settling a rivalry by throwing a little white ball at a wooden stick. How pathetic. Now boxing, that's a man's sport. Punch a guy in the face and scramble his brains. That proves something.
Norm: Fraze, you're really coming around buddy.
Frasier: Thank you.

Frasier: Very often that's the best thing you can do when you're not getting along with a family member. Remove yourself entirely from them. Find some neutral place where you can take the time you need to be away from them.
Norm: You really think so, Frase?
Frasier: Well that's why we're all here, isn't it?

Frasier: We had oodles of fun and we lost a combined 11 pounds to boot.
Cliff: You lost weight on a cruise? I thought there were wall to wall meals?
Lilith: There's also wall to wall waves.

Frasier: Well Norm, you could get someone to impersonate Vera.
Norm: Well thanks Frasier, but I doubt that Ed Asner has time to hop on a plane to Boston.

Frasier: Why didn't you just bring Valerie with you?
Lawrence: Well you know she hates to travel. Besides we decided this was a perfect opportunity to test my theories about martial fidelity. And I'm glad to say that after 10 months of celibacy, I can how pronounce my principles sound.
Sam: After 10 months of celibacy I couldn't even pronounce my name.

Frasier: Woody, I think it was a great sacrifice for you to give your clothes to Rebecca. It puts me in mind of another novel by my favorite British author. You know who I mean. I'll give you a hint, Charles...
Norm: In Charge?
Frasier: Are you people really this ignorant or do you do this just to torture me?
Norm: Sometimes the two go hand in hand.

Frasier: You didn't want to eat there anyway, Sam. The waiters pride themselves on rudeness. The portions are too small and it's exorbitantly overpriced.
Sam: You couldn't get in either?
Frasier: Not till April.

Frasier: You know as my old professor used to say, "If you can't laugh at your patients, what fun are they?"

Frasier: You know Carla never ceases to amaze me. She has a strange mixture of fervent religious faith and primitive superstition. I suppose it's part of our ever changing mixed up culture.
Lilith: I don't know that you should blame Carla's belief system on culture, Frasier. The need to worship high intelligence is an innate and universal phenomenon. In fact, in recent week it's become clear that my lab rats worship me as a goddess. I must confess I don't discourage them.
Frasier: Very interesting dear. Apropos of nothing, how many vacation days do you have coming?
Lilith: I don't know, 80, 85.
Frasier: What do you say we cash 50, 60 of those in and have you spend a little time with some people?

Frasier: You know it just isn't fair. I came because I wanted to be one of the guys and all I'm doing is sitting on my duff watching other people do things.
Norm: Welcome to NormWorld. Keep your hands inside the car at all times.

Frasier:Everyone, I'd like you to meet my date, Dr. Lilith Sternin: MD, PhD, EDD, APA.
Woody: Boy, it sure isn't spelled like it sounds.

Gary: Fine, eight years of humiliating you weenies is enough. I'm going to find a tougher gang to humiliate.
Woody: You can look all over Boston, you won't find any weenies tougher than us.