Cheers quotes
515 total quotesAll Seasons
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Season 11
Frasier: How can you go back to a room full of people that think you're a total idiot? How do you do it Cliff?
Cliff: I don't really like to divulge-- Hey!
Cliff: I don't really like to divulge-- Hey!
Frasier: I guess we've seen the dark side of Sam Malone.
Cliff: You wanna see a dark side; you ought to see Ma when you leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub. That's something you don't do twice.
Cliff: You wanna see a dark side; you ought to see Ma when you leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub. That's something you don't do twice.
Frasier: I know. I'll simply imagine the worst thing you could possibly tell me, and whatever your news is, it will pale in comparison. In fact, whatever it is, it, it'll be a relief! Okay, okay...what is the worst thing I can imagine?
[Pause.]
Frasier: All right, I've got it. Lilith, your news please.
Lilith: This afternoon, in a moment of EXTREME weakness...I cheated on you.
Frasier: THAT WAS IT!! THAT WAS THE WORST THING!!!!
Lilith: Try to remain calm!
Frasier: How can I remain calm when you tell me you've slept with another man?! You SLUT!!!
[Pause.]
Frasier: All right, I've got it. Lilith, your news please.
Lilith: This afternoon, in a moment of EXTREME weakness...I cheated on you.
Frasier: THAT WAS IT!! THAT WAS THE WORST THING!!!!
Lilith: Try to remain calm!
Frasier: How can I remain calm when you tell me you've slept with another man?! You SLUT!!!
Frasier: I sense the mood of the bar. You're all suffering from the winter blues; the shortened daylight hours, the cold numbing weather, the bleak sense of isolation. It's what we in the psychiatric professions call, the jackpot.
Frasier: I should have done this earlier.
Sam: What are you doing?
[Frasier locks the bathroom from the outside]
Sam: What are you doing?
[Frasier locks the bathroom from the outside]
Frasier: I would like to nominate as the stupidest creature on earth: the one who awakens each day to drive through gridlocked traffic, to sit in a window less office breathing recirculated air, then returns home and collapses into a stupor, only to do the same damn thing all over again every day until he dies.
Norm: Looking forward to that vacation, hey Frase?
Frasier: You bet. We're going to Maui.
Norm: Looking forward to that vacation, hey Frase?
Frasier: You bet. We're going to Maui.
Frasier: I'm just going to the men's room to check my hair.
Carla: I already checked. It's not in there.
Carla: I already checked. It's not in there.
Frasier: I've just been feeling a bit edgy these days.
Woody: Why's that Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Lilith in her own compulsive little way made the mistake of asking me if I thought she looked fat.
Norm: And what did you say?
Frasier: I told her she looked just fine.
Norm: Rookie mistake. So what kind of punishment are you getting?
Frasier: I'm not getting any.
Norm: Oh you got off easy.
Frasier: No, I'm not getting any.
Norm: No, you're getting off easy.
Woody: Why's that Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Lilith in her own compulsive little way made the mistake of asking me if I thought she looked fat.
Norm: And what did you say?
Frasier: I told her she looked just fine.
Norm: Rookie mistake. So what kind of punishment are you getting?
Frasier: I'm not getting any.
Norm: Oh you got off easy.
Frasier: No, I'm not getting any.
Norm: No, you're getting off easy.
Frasier: Oh say you know Norm, the guy on This Old House said you should apply paint with vertical strokes.
Norm: Yeah, what's This Old House?
Frasier: Well it's a show on PBS.
Norm: What's PBS?
Lilith: Tell me you didn't see that coming a mile away.
Norm: Yeah, what's This Old House?
Frasier: Well it's a show on PBS.
Norm: What's PBS?
Lilith: Tell me you didn't see that coming a mile away.
Frasier: People. People. We cannot impose our own moral belief systems on these two.
Sam: Yes, thank you very much.
Frasier: The real question is, will they make responsible parents?
Rebecca: That's right.
Frasier: And the answer is an emphatic no.
Sam: Yes, thank you very much.
Frasier: The real question is, will they make responsible parents?
Rebecca: That's right.
Frasier: And the answer is an emphatic no.
Frasier: Perhaps your dreams are trying to tell you about something too frightening for your waking mind.
Sam: Like what?
Frasier: Like you care. You care about Rebecca.
Sam: Oh come on, Frasier. You know me. How can I care about her? We haven't done the main thing that I care about.
Frasier: Forgive me, Sam. I forgot about your high moral standards.
Lilith: You mean to say, you can't care about a woman unless you sleep with her first?
Sam: Well, yeah.
Sam: Like what?
Frasier: Like you care. You care about Rebecca.
Sam: Oh come on, Frasier. You know me. How can I care about her? We haven't done the main thing that I care about.
Frasier: Forgive me, Sam. I forgot about your high moral standards.
Lilith: You mean to say, you can't care about a woman unless you sleep with her first?
Sam: Well, yeah.
Frasier: Sam, Diane and I are going to Europe.
Sam: Europe? Overseas?
Diane: Well we were going to go to the local one but it's all booked up.
Sam: Europe? Overseas?
Diane: Well we were going to go to the local one but it's all booked up.
Frasier: Sam, I've come to a very important decision. I've just taken stock of myself.
Carla: It's not exactly AT&T, is it?
Frasier: I'm going to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. In order to do that I've got to hit rock bottom first.
Carla: For you, that's three flights up.
Sam: Carla, you want to see if anyone in the back has open wounds to salt.
Carla: It's not exactly AT&T, is it?
Frasier: I'm going to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. In order to do that I've got to hit rock bottom first.
Carla: For you, that's three flights up.
Sam: Carla, you want to see if anyone in the back has open wounds to salt.
Frasier: Sam, this has gone too far. I think it's time you told her the truth.
Sam: The truth? And you call yourself a psychiatrist.
Sam: The truth? And you call yourself a psychiatrist.