Diane: Norman, may I talk to you for a minute?
Norm: Yeah, sure. What's up?
Diane: You make me sick. You're a quitter, Norman! No, you're worse than that, you're a non-starter. You don't even try. You sit around the bar all day, you sit around your house all day, you sit around here all day, you sit around life all day! How are you going to feel at the end of your life when you're lying-no, make that sitting, on your death bed and you realize the only thing you've done in your life was sit around, and watch people do things, make things out of their lives? Well, maybe you're right, Norman. Maybe you're not meant for success, maybe you're meant for exactly what you are-nothing.
Norm: Diane, you have no right to say that to me.
Diane: Oh, Norman, I only said those things because I care about you.
Norm: You must care an awful lot about me.
Diane: Yes, I do. We all do. We're your friends, Norman, and we're all tired of seeing you give up so easily.

Diane: Oh Frasier, I think I'm going to come back to work here.
Frasier: What?! No no no no no no. Listen as Frasier Crane M.D. I don't think that's a good idea for the two of you. And as Frasier Crane Man I don't think it's a good idea for the three of us.

Diane: Oh my God Sam, I've made you a babbling idiot.
Sam: Who are you calling a babbling idiot?
Diane: You don't have to get upset. I'm actually criticizing myself.
Sam: You just called me a babbling idiot and you're criticizing yourself? Do me a favor let me criticize me for awhile. You're sickening.

Diane: Oh Sam, it's never too early to start thinking of name for our children.
Sam: It is if you're thinking about the name Emil.
Diane: What's wrong with Emil?
Sam: A meal is something you eat. It's not something you name your kid.

Diane: Oh, Frasier, a letter from Cheers. No, wait... it's a Lillian Huxley's resume and a note: "Ha, ha! You're out of here forever!" Always nice to hear from Carla.

Diane: Oh, my God. The thing I feared most has happened.
Carla: Your Living Bra died of boredom?

Diane: Rebecca, is there something wrong?
Rebecca Prout: [sobbing] Oh Diane, you could always see beyond my facade of gaiety!

Diane: Sam is developing an interest in the Impressionists.
Frasier: Hmm.
Diane: Hmm, what?
Frasier: Hmm, this is suspicious. I think it's part of Sam's grand design to win you back.
Diane: Oh, not this again. It's starting to sound like a broken record.
Frasier: Oh, now you're saying that I'm redundant, that I repeat myself, that I say things over and over!

Diane: Sam, if brains were money you'd have to take out a loan for a cup of coffee.

Diane: Sam, let's talk.
Sam: There's nothing to talk about.
Diane: It's important. Come back to the office now.
Carla: Uh oh. Sammy's in trouble with Miss Chambers again.
Everyone in the bar: [chanting] Sam's in trouble with Miss Chambers, Sam's in trouble with Miss Chambers....

Diane: Sam, may I have your ear for a moment?
Sam: Yeah, just don't leave any bite marks.

Diane: Sam?
Sam: Did you notice that?
Diane: Notice what?
Sam: Everything just got calm.
Diane: I don't notice any difference.
Sam: Oh, yes, yes. There's a difference in everything. The whole world just changed for me. [pause, looking up] Ohh, look. The stars are new. The moon is new. Sam Malone is new, and I like him. [pointing to the stars] And I like them. And they like me. And none of us like you.
[Sam takes a step towards Diane.]
Diane: Am I going overboard again?
Sam: No, no, no. Don't be silly. That would mean I care, and I don't. Bye bye, Diane.
Diane: Where are you going?
Sam: I'm going to swim ashore.
Diane: You can't do that.
Sam: Very well, I'll take the dingy. See how quickly the new Sam adjusts.
Diane: You're going to just leave me out here all alone?
Sam: Yes, I am.
Diane: [sighs] Sam. Sam Malone, if you leave me out here all alone, you are the most despicable creature on Earth!
Sam: Well, I... y'am what I y'am, and that's all that I y'am.

Diane: What could be more enjoyable than opening your heart with holiday cheer?
Carla: Opening yours with a can opener.

Diane: What could happen?
Sam: Oh nothing, oh nothing. Two women left alone who hate each other in a room filled with glass and alcohol.

Diane: You can't give her some standard pre-arranged speech you have for dumping women.
Sam: I do not have a standard pre-arranged speech for dumping women. Come on, every situation is different. For example now the speech I dumped you with will be totally inappropriate.
Diane: I don't think you dumped me.
Sam: Well you see that was the beauty of it. Come on give me credit will you, for knowing I couldn't possibly have one speech for every situation.
Cliff: Yeah, he's got six.