Diane: Do you know the difference between you and a fat, braying ass?
Sam: Nope.
Diane: The fat, braying ass would.
Sam: Speaking of fat, braying asses, you're about to get dumped on yours.
[Diane slaps Sam, he slaps her back]
Diane: How dare you slap me!
[Diane slaps Sam again, he slaps her back again]
Diane: Don't you ever hit me again!
Sam: Like hell.
[They carry on slapping each other]
Season 3

Diane: Does Sam's behavior give you pause? Methinks the man doth protest too much.
Woody: Excuse me, Miss Chambers, but shouldn't it be "I thinks"?
Carla: Not in your case, Woody.

Diane: For the first time in my life I let appearance taint my feelings towards a man.
Sam: Boy, you know what's wrong with you? You just can't be honest with yourself. Looks are all that ever mattered to you.
Diane: What are you talking about? That is utterly inaccurate.
Sam: Oh yeah. You want me to prove it to you?
Diane: Yes.
Sam: Who were you more crazy about than anyone else in your entire life? Not including yourself there. It was me. And there was only one reason you ever went out with me and that was because of my looks.
Diane: Not entirely.
Sam: Yes, entirely. Name one other reason why anyone would go out with me. Come on. Name one. You can't, can you?
Diane: [smiling] No Sam, I can't.

Diane: Hi doctor.
Dr. Graham: Hi Diane. How are you?
Diane: In what sense?
Dr. Graham: Pardon me?
Diane: Oh you mean how are you, right. Not you know how are you. Well if that's what you meant, I'm fine.

Diane: How can a man tell a woman he loves her and yet try to kill her?
Sam: I can see it.

Diane: I haven't had such a good time since uh....
Sam: That's okay. I know when you stopped having a good time, Diane.
Diane: It goes without saying I would have had a better time if I had gone with Frasier.
Sam: Me too.

Diane: I sold out womankind for a trip to Bermuda.
Sam: Come on, don't feel so bad. Most people would have done it for the dry cleaning.

Diane: I thought you were seeing someone.
Carla: His fingerprints grew back. He had to leave the country.

Diane: I would like to see you in your office. I have something I want to give you.
Sam: How about a spanking? I think I deserve it.

Diane: I'm sorry I was late, Sam. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Sam: Yeah, yeah but you wouldn't.

Diane: I'm sorry, Sam. What was I saying?
Sam: You don't know either? We gotta have a rule around here-when you speak at least one of us has gotta be listening.

Diane: It's nice to know you draw the line somewhere.
Sam: There are three types of women I don't get involved with: married, underaged and comatose.
Norm: [to Cliff] He's added one.

Diane: Look at all the people who've fallen hopelessly in love with me with only the slightest encouragement. You, Frasier...
Sam: Yourself.

Diane: Name calling, the last refuge of the monosyllabic.
Carla: I don't know what that means but I heard slob in there.

Diane: Nick Tortelli, this is someone with whom you have absolutely nothing in common, my paramour Dr. Frasier Crane.
Nick: Doctor of what. Can you get any pills?
Frasier: I'm a psychiatrist. Have we met? You wouldn't, by any chance, be the bogus missing link exhibited at the Amsterdam World's Fair?
Nick: No, but you're not the first person to ask me.