Married... with Children quotes
396 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2 Season 3
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Peg: Hi, Al. Did you have a good day?
Al: I came home. How good could it have been?
Al: (looking at the phone bill) Hey we qualify for the gold bill, family! [all getting excited hovering over Al] Family, please, let's all contain the excitement until after I'm dead.
Al: Milwaukee. Milwaukee. That sounds like the town they centered around your mother, eh, Peg?
Al: I came home. How good could it have been?
Al: (looking at the phone bill) Hey we qualify for the gold bill, family! [all getting excited hovering over Al] Family, please, let's all contain the excitement until after I'm dead.
Al: Milwaukee. Milwaukee. That sounds like the town they centered around your mother, eh, Peg?
Peg: I want a vacation.
Al: Peg, if you wanna visit someplace new, try the kitchen. Oh, and why don't you get a picture of yourself with the refrigerator. You know, "Ol' Empty"?
Al: Peg, if you wanna visit someplace new, try the kitchen. Oh, and why don't you get a picture of yourself with the refrigerator. You know, "Ol' Empty"?
Peg: It's a good thing I did the taxes. If claiming two children as dependents gets you $300, imagine what 23 kids is worth!
Al: The gas chamber?
Al: The gas chamber?
Peg: There are two things Peggy Bundy doesn't do. Number one: cook, clean, sew, vacuum, iron and parent. And number two: exercise.
Peg: Which brings us to a little promise you made just last spring...
Al: Sex again. Peg, we've been married for seventeen years. Now can't we just be friends?
Peg: No! I don't like you, I just want to have sex with you.
Al: Sex again. Peg, we've been married for seventeen years. Now can't we just be friends?
Peg: No! I don't like you, I just want to have sex with you.
Yummy: I love a man who's on top of things.
Al: And I love a woman with things on top.
Al: And I love a woman with things on top.
Al is knocked out. He is revived by a strange man
Angel: Hey Al, are you OK?
Al: How did you know my name?
Angel: Because I am your guardian angel.
Al: Then prove it. If you are an angel can you make my Christmas lights work?
Angel snaps fingers and lights are fully functional
Al: Nice! Hmm, what else could I ask for?
Angel: Oh come on Bundy, do not be a wish pig!
Al: You are right. Tell you what, forget about the lights and use your power to make the Hee Haw girls appear.
Angel{laughing}: I have been waiting for them to die too!
Angel: Hey Al, are you OK?
Al: How did you know my name?
Angel: Because I am your guardian angel.
Al: Then prove it. If you are an angel can you make my Christmas lights work?
Angel snaps fingers and lights are fully functional
Al: Nice! Hmm, what else could I ask for?
Angel: Oh come on Bundy, do not be a wish pig!
Al: You are right. Tell you what, forget about the lights and use your power to make the Hee Haw girls appear.
Angel{laughing}: I have been waiting for them to die too!