Married... with Children quotes
396 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2
Season 3
Season 4
Season 5
Season 6
Season 7
Season 8
Season 9
Season 10
Season 11
All of Al's friends have perms
Al: Come on, guys! Lets go out and find a fire hydrant, stick our heads in the hole and wash the gay away!
Mike: Outside, without our hair nets?
Al: And move fast! After that, none of us care how long it takes and spare no expense, but we find ourselves a barber!
Al: Come on, guys! Lets go out and find a fire hydrant, stick our heads in the hole and wash the gay away!
Mike: Outside, without our hair nets?
Al: And move fast! After that, none of us care how long it takes and spare no expense, but we find ourselves a barber!
[Al and Peg are going outside to sleep.]
Peg: Oh, no, Al! It's raining!
Al: Good. I'll sleep with my mouth open. Maybe I'll drown.
Peg: Oh, no, Al! It's raining!
Al: Good. I'll sleep with my mouth open. Maybe I'll drown.
[Al and Steve see beautiful women in the lingerie store.]
Al: I knew women looked like that. I knew it. I knew it.
Al: I knew women looked like that. I knew it. I knew it.
[Al comes in with a perm.]
Peg: You look like a fruit, Al.
Al: Thanks, Peg.
Bud: Pretty cool, Dad. You have that "no closet can hold me" look.
Kelly: Leave Dad alone, you guys. (to Al): You're still going to wear men's clothing, aren't you?
Peg: You look like a fruit, Al.
Al: Thanks, Peg.
Bud: Pretty cool, Dad. You have that "no closet can hold me" look.
Kelly: Leave Dad alone, you guys. (to Al): You're still going to wear men's clothing, aren't you?
[Al is trying to fit shoes to three fat women.]
Fat Woman: They don't fit and your ad says we fit every foot.
Al: Yes ma'am, but what our problem is what we're dealing with is not what Webster meant by feet. Now let's face it girls, what we got here are rib roast with nails. Now what I suggest is surrounding your toosties with those brown potatoes, wrapped in foil and served with dry white.
[The fat women are insulted and leave.]
Fat Woman: They don't fit and your ad says we fit every foot.
Al: Yes ma'am, but what our problem is what we're dealing with is not what Webster meant by feet. Now let's face it girls, what we got here are rib roast with nails. Now what I suggest is surrounding your toosties with those brown potatoes, wrapped in foil and served with dry white.
[The fat women are insulted and leave.]
[Al tries to bribe Miss DeGroot with a doughnut.]
Miss DeGroot: Could it be that you don't have the $2000? Could it be that I was correct when I made an educated guess that you would fail in life?
Al: Could it be that the nails that hold your chair together are from the planet Krypton?
Miss DeGroot: Could it be that you don't have the $2000? Could it be that I was correct when I made an educated guess that you would fail in life?
Al: Could it be that the nails that hold your chair together are from the planet Krypton?
[Kelly tells Al about her upcoming slumber party.]
Al: You're not having a slumber party. I'm still having flashbacks from the last one you had.
Kelly: Daddy, I was eight years old.
Al: But the judge wanted to try you as an adult.
Al: You're not having a slumber party. I'm still having flashbacks from the last one you had.
Kelly: Daddy, I was eight years old.
Al: But the judge wanted to try you as an adult.
[Steve has just asked Al for a favor.]
Al: What? Grab your wife's legs and make a wish.
[Marcy is offended and stands up to try to strangle Al.]
Al: What? Grab your wife's legs and make a wish.
[Marcy is offended and stands up to try to strangle Al.]