Sam: [on the phone] Can you tell me which is the more dominant flower: the Mountain Lilly or the Black-Eyed Susan?

Sam: [to Diane] They can stop me from killing you, but they can't stop me from marrying you.

Sam: [To Rebecca, after he learns she burned down the bar] Of all the stupid things you've done in your useless life... this is your masterpiece.

Sam: [to Rebecca] Let's try this. Have sex with me 25 times and if the end of the night you're still not sure then I won't say another thing.

Sam: [to Rebecca] The way I see it, you haven't had a date with a guy for about two and half years. Now I think this date of ours could be good for me but sweetheart, I got to say it's looking real necessary for you.

Sam: [to Rebecca] What do you say? Shall we strip down to our smiles and show the couch here a good time?

Sam: Answer the question, what do I have in my life that isn't women or sex?
Rebecca: Come on Sam, you're a passionate guy. I bet you have a lot of things you care deeply about.
Sam: Yeah, like what?
Rebecca: Sailing.
Sam: Babes on waves. See, the doctor was right. I'm a shallow guy.

Sam: Are you drinking again?
Rebecca: Certainly not. I never stopped.
Sam: So you want to talk? Is this about getting married tomorrow? Are you getting cold feet?
Rebecca: Certainly not. I am perfectly prepared to marry Robin and spend the rest of my life wth him. I'm just not particularly looking forward to it.
Sam: You know I don't get that. All you've done the last two years is talk about getting married to this guy.
Rebecca: Well I'll tell you. It is one thing to love somebody who's serving time for you. It's another thing serving time with them.

Sam: Around here when guys get together to send another guy off to his doom, things can get a little raunchy.
Woody: You fellas ever dress up farm animals in women's clothing?
Sam: No
Woody: Then I'm one up on you.

Sam: At this very moment, Rebecca Howe is in her house spending two hours getting into an outfit she's gonna spend two minutes getting out of.
Norm: What are you going to do about that sister?
Sam: Oh, I already made a phone call to postpone our date.
Cliff: You gonna take her out tomorrow night?
Sam: No, take her out in a couple of hours.

Sam: Bowling?
Carla: I've got this theory, Sam. You see all those other sports require real athletic ability but with bowling we got the makings of a great team.
Sam: Carla...
Carla: Listen. Listen. Any bowling alley what do you see? A bunch of out of shape, big couch potatoes who do nothin' but sit around and swill beer.
Norm: All right. We're number one.

Sam: Carla, good news. I've given a lot of thought and I decided to offer my employees a group medical plan.
Carla: Oh man, that's great Sammy. What changed your mind?
Sam: It's the right thing to do. You guys need it. You deserve it. It's important to you. Plus they passed some kind of law.

Sam: Carla, you hate your sister, don't you?
Carla: Sure, why?
Sam: What would I have to do to get the two of you back together again?
Carla: Simple, Sam. Ask me to come down and identify her body.

Sam: Christmas comes earlier every year, doesn't it?
Woody: I think if you check Sam, it always comes on the 25th of December.

Sam: Cliff, you look terrible. Was today Sears catalogue day?
Cliff: And that's not all, Spiegel's catalogue came out the same day. Yeah, it's a phenomenon that happens once every 27 years when both marketing strategies are in the same equinox.