[Eric tries to explain a career choice the school suggested for him to Red, Kitty, and Donna]
Eric: Okay, there's this program, where you teach impoverished children for a year, and they pay for your college! I signed up!
Donna: Eric that's perfect!
Kitty: That's wonderful!
Red: See, I knew spending your college money would work out for the best. [smiles] You're welcome.
Kitty: So, what impoverished area will you go to? [gasps] Is it east Milwaukee? [looks at Red for a second] I made a wrong turn there once and I ended up in an awful neighborhood...there were kids playing radios on a street corner. [Red shakes his head]
Eric: [smiling] No, I'm not going to Milwaukee.
Donna: So, where then?
Eric: Africa!
Kitty: Africa, Wisconsin?

[Fez comes in looking extremely distraught.]
Donna: Fez, what happened? I haven't seen you look like this since you found out Candyland isn't a real country!

[Fez takes a bottle out of Kelso's baby bag.]
Kelso: Don't touch that! It's breast milk!
Fez: Breast milk... from real breasts? [looks at Donna's chest] What don't they do?

[Having been given money by Red to buy a jersey, Eric comes back to the stands wearing a Chicago Bears jersey, amidst a sea of Packers fans]
Red: Eric, how the hell can you wear a Bears jersey at a Packer game?
Donna: Okay, maybe he doesn't understand why it's wrong. Let me tell you in a way how you can understand. The Packers are like the Jedi, and you're wearing a Go Darth Vader jersey.
Eric: Uh, that's ridiculous. The Jedi don't play football. They play manu-Ka.
Hyde: Forman, this is worse than when you wore the Air Supply t-shirt to the Aerosmith concert.
Red: For God sakes, will you just take the damn jersey off?
Eric: No. You know what? I like rooting for the underdog, okay? I am the underdog in real life. I like Charlie Brown. I like the little engine that could. I like the Bears.

[Hyde confronts Jackie over her attending a bridal fair with Fez]
Hyde: Jackie, what the hell where you thinking?
Jackie: Look, Steven, I know it's a crazy thing to do, its just ... I kno-I wanted to know what it was like to be planning a life and a wedding and everything, I mean, that's all I've ever wanted ... And I was starting to think it was never gonna happen with you.
Hyde: [puts hands by face] Are we back on this again [faces her] Why can't you just be happy with what we've got?
Jackie: BECAUSE I'M NOT!, [voice breaking] Steven ... okay, look, I need to know that we have a future together ... Can't you just give me some kind of sign or just a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe someday we'll get married?
Hyde: Jackie? I don't know.
Jackie: That's all you ever say. Please Steven, please just say anything besides I don't know. Anything else.
Hyde: I don't know...[looks down]
Jackie: Well then I can't be with you anymore.
Hyde: Jackie, don't threaten me, okay? It's not gonna work.
Jackie: I'm not threatening you, Steven, I can't waste anymore of my time on you if it's not gonna. happen for us ... Okay, well, at least now I know.

[Hyde's father summons Hyde and Jackie to his office and explain something]
William Barnett: Steven, I'm moving Angie to Milwaukee to get her away from the costumers. I love my little girl but you're the one who should be running that store, so [pats Hyde on shoulder] its yours. [returns to desk]
Hyde: Wow [walks forward, Jackie follows] Uh, thanks man.
Jackie: OH, MY GOD!! I OWN A RECORD STORE!!
Hyde: No, I own a record store.
Barnett: Actually, I own a record store.
Jackie: I OWN ONE-THIRD OF A RECORD STORE!! [giggles]
Barnett: Moving Angie here is gonna work out for everybody. See, I just got into this real snotty country club and they don't think I'm gonna be there much but I'm gonna be there all day everyday and I'm bringing friends so I need somebody around here looking after things...while I'm out making white people uncomfortable.

[Kitty is sifting for records at Hyde and Angie's music store, Grooves]
Kitty: Steven, I can't believe you thought I'd like these Sex Pistols. [returns copy of Never Mind the Bollocks LP to Hyde]
Hyde: I'm sorry Mrs. Forman, [sighs] I'll make it up to you. Have you ever heard of a band called Judas Priest?
Kitty: Well that's what Judas needed, a priest [laughs and looks at record] Are they spiritual?
Hyde: I listen to them every Sunday.

[Red and Kitty scold Eric, Hyde, Fez and Kelso after Red discovers the Circle]
Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years! I wish I had 2,000 feet, so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!
Kitty: I'm shocked. The basement door closes, and out come the lighters and the drugs, and I am sure Donna's bouncing around there without a bra! It's like Amsterdam down there!
Red: [to Fez]Did someone shove a vacuum up your nose and suck out your last and lonely brain cell?
[Fez pretends to grab Kitty's breast]
Kitty: What is going on in your head? I am so disappointed in you boys. And here I thought it was my dryer that made our clothes smell funny.
[Hyde tilts his head in a high stupor and drools at a Twinkie on the cabinet next to Red]
Red: Who taught you how to do this? Huh? Was it those damn Beatles? All you need is love? All you need is a job and a haircut!
[Red scolds Kelso and points to him]
Red: And you! [Kelso imagines Kitty's and Red's heads switching each other's bodies while high] Wipe that stupid smirk off you, dopey, dope-fiend face!
Kitty: Do you know what drugs do to you? They shrink your brain until one day you wake up, and you think you're superman and you can fly, and then you wind up jumping off the roof in your underpants.
Red: Oh, this idiot doesn't need drugs for that. He does that every Saturday. [Kelso laughs and nods] Well, this is the worst thing that you have ever done! Eric, I am gonna make you... I am going to... well, I can't think of anything worse than sending you to Africa. You're going to Africa!
Season 8

[Red and Kitty see a pajama-clad Eric appear for breakfast]
Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got outta bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-Communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.

[Red has just witnessed something he'd never thought he'd see in his life - Eric fighting someone, specifically, a Packers fan dissing Eric for supporting the Bears]
Red: Ooh! Eric's in a fight! No one's here! No one's gonna believe me! Why didn't I bring my camera?

[Red talks to Kitty over her reading The Joy of Sex]
Red: Kitty, we don't need The Joy Of Sex.
Kitty: Well, why not? It's not dirty. This book...it doesn't even have photographs, just sketches.
Red: But they're so detailed. They draw in every single part. And it's not to scale.
Kitty: [browses book] Oh, here's a fun idea. Ahahaha! Okay. Instead of throwing away our old dish towels, we can use them as blindfolds and play a sexy bedroom version of Marco Polo. Ahahahaha! Oh, come on. Don't you want to be one of those fun, older couples?
Red: Kitty, I want us to grow old and withdraw into ourselves.
Eric: [enters kitchen] Hey, what's for lunch?
Kitty: Well, I was thinking of making something, but that would mean I would have to look at a cookbook, and I don't like to learn new things from books.
Eric: Yeah, so is lunch off or, uhm... I mean, what's the lay of the lunch land here?
Red: I don't see why I have to read a book on bodily functions. I've never read a book on eating, yet I'm extremely well fed.
Eric: But I'm not. Could I, like... seriously, like a sandwich or...
Kitty: Well, you know what? Nobody is eating unless you give this book a try. Until then I quit cooking! [leaves]
Eric: [to Red] - I can't believe that I'm saying that, but please make kinky sex with my mother!

[Red, Kitty, and the gang gets to know Hyde's real father]
Red:: So William? What kind of work do you do?
William Barnett: I own a chain of record stores.
Hyde: Record stores...That's cool, huh? I was afraid you where gonna be a cop or something?
Barnett: I don't like cops.
Hyde: I don't like cops either...Hey, who do you think shot JFK?
Barnett: I don't know because they [points up] don't want me to know.

[Red, Kitty, Donna, and Kelso find Eric's Vista Cruiser, abandoned]
Kelso: Okay, we're gonna use my Police Academy training to figure out what happened here ... first thing I'm gonna need is for everyone to lie face down with your hands behind your head.
Kitty: What if he stopped to take a picture and he got kidnapped by white slavers? They're gonna kill him, he can't do anything!
Red: I told him this was a stupid idea and now were stuck out here in the middle of nowhere ... my foot is shaking it wants to kick his ass so bad. [Kitty shakes head]
Donna: [walks to Kitty and Red] I never should have let Eric go on this trip ... I should have tempted him into staying home by offering him sex [Kitty and Red look at her] ... I mean, scrabble.
Kitty: Oh, look, if my baby being safe depended on you being loose, I wouldn't have to worry [Donna's eyes open wide]
Kelso: [after analyzing car] Okay, I think it's obvious [stands] what happened to Eric ... [points around] we got an abandoned car, a flat tire, and footprints heading off in that direction. Mrs. Forman, your son's been kidnapped by coyotes. [Donna, Kitty, and Red are not satisfied with his analysis]
Red: Isn't it more likely that he had a flat tire, couldn't change it himself and went off to find some help.
Kelso: And the coyotes got him along the way. Yeah, now you're thinking like a cop.