[Red and Eric talk about their breakups over beer]
Red: There were times that I thought I would never get over her, but time passed. I moved on, and then the day came when I didn't think about her as much, then a couple more days came along when I thought of her even less. Then one day I didn't think about her at all... and then that made me sad.
Eric: We've got a little Irish in us, don't we, Dad?
Red: Yes, we do.
Eric: It's just... hurts.
Red: Listen, I'm gonna give you a few days to pull yourself together. You could stay in bed, watch TV, whatever you need to do.
Eric: Thank you, Dad. Not that it matters, but... Donna didn't dump me. I broke up with her.
Red: Whatever you need to tell yourself to make it better.

[Red and Kitty talk to Eric after he turns down Donna's bid for a second chance.]
Red: Let me get this straight. Donna wanted to get back together... and you said No?
Eric: I said No.
Red: You said No!
Kitty: ... Dumbass!
Eric: Look, I have my reasons.
Kitty: [agitated] What could they be? What could they possibly be?
Eric: Casey dumps her, and she comes to me? OK, I'm not a rebound!
Red: So you're too proud to take her back? And what do you have to be so proud of? You're not an athlete, the only smart thing about you is your mouth... and just look at you!
Kitty: Red, he looks fine. He's just so darn stupid.
Season 5

[Red is doused with oatmeal because of a botched prank on Kelso]
Eric: Dad, this is just a prank that's gone wrong. Horribly...horribly wrong!
Red: Well, I have a prank too...one where my foot doesn't plow through your ass. Let's hope it doesn't go [gets closer to Eric] horribly, HORRIBLY... WRONG!

[Red sees Leo at the door of the Forman house. Knowing that Leo likes Kitty, he is not pleased to see him]
Red: Listen, hophead! I love that woman with a FIERY PASSION...that consumes my soul! That's right. So you can either walk out of here on your own, or you can hop out of here with my foot in your ass!

[Red serves Kitty's lasagna to Eric, Hyde, Kelso, and Fez]
Red: [enters dining room] Ah good, all the half-wits are here. I wanted to let you know that I'm going to get you. You won't know where, and you won't know when. But it will hurt. And you will cry. And I will laugh. And...did I mention it will hurt? Very good.

[Red summons Eric over the 'Vette]
Eric: Um, you wanted to see me?
Red: Did you take my car out last night?
Eric: No.
Red: I know you didn't. Guess how I know! I stuck a hair across the ignition.
Eric: A hair acro... You know, someday I'm gonna use that on my son.
Red: Anyway, since I know I can trust you, I'm gonna let you drive it.
Eric: I finally get to drive it? Wow! Okay, uh, where does the key go?
Red: Start her up.
Eric: Okay [starts the car, but the radio blares loud rock. He turns the car off] And I'm grounded.
Red: For a month! Why did you do it?
Eric: To impress this cheerleader.
Red: No kidding? ... Well, then make it two weeks. So uh, you gonna see her again?
Eric: Well, can I have the car again?
Red: Ohh, she's that girl. I know that girl. Stay away from that girl.
Hyde: [calling out from the kitchen] Hey, Forman, your mom wants to talk to you. She wants to know why you drank all of Red's beer.
Eric: You know what? Let's just call it a month.

[Red, Kitty, Bob and Joanne are playing Monopoly in the Formans' basement when the tornado is called off. Red folds up the Monopoly board.]
Red: Call it a tie!
Bob: A tie? We had all the money!
Red: We had the "Get Out of Jail Free" card! And you can't put a price on freedom, Bob.

[The gang discuss Kelso's selection as talent for Red's Price Mart stockboy video]
Eric: You know, I wasn't that worried about Donna and my mom talking about me but now that I'm all paranoid I'm all, like paranoid. I mean, when did it become okay for them to be friends?
Hyde: Right after your father replaced you with a semi-literate pretty boy.
Kelso: That's me. So, I've been thinking about great actors to model myself after and I choose Travolta.
Hyde: Kelso...I can think of no better way to impress Red than by acting like Travolta in his industrial film. Bravo, man. [claps hands]
Eric: That is good advice. Man, I don't want Donna and my mom talking about me.
Jackie: Yeah, and Donna's a big mouth. Like, she told me how you wore makeup to last year's class picture.
Eric: What? Ha, I did not! I did not. I had a zit. Stop looking at me.
Hyde: Forman, you and I are both victims of parental abandonment. Luckily, I have a rich hippie benefactor. He bought me nudie mags I'd never even heard of.
Kelso: [impersonating Travolta as Tony Manero] Yeah, I stock this shelf! But someday I'm gonna dance across this whole city. [back to own voice] That's dead-on.

[The gang sees Fez come back from ballet practice]
Kelso: Hey, uh, puffy-shirt guy called. He wants his puffy shirt back.
Fez: Things at ballet class have taken a turn for the worse. Somehow, I've become one of the girls...a hairy, brown girl.
Eric: Hey, uh, Fez does that shirt come with its own bicycle pump?
Donna: You should talk. [points at Eric's striped shirt] That shirt makes you look like a stick of Fruit Stripe gum.
Eric: God, what did you have for breakfast this morning? Carnation Instant Bitch?
Hyde: Okay, that one was out of the park.