Tony: I've heard the saying "he got blown out of his shoes", but I never thought I'd see it.
Ducky: Now if the explosion had knocked his socks off, that would be impressive, wouldn't it?

Tony: It is perfect for s'mores.
McGee: I never liked s'mores.
Tony: What are you talking about? What's not to like? You've got your chocolate, graham crackers, gooey marshmellows. What kind of boy scout are you?
McGee: I'm a Webelos, actually.
Tony: Well, zip up Webelos, your inner geek is showing.

Tony: It's a remote control receiver?
McGee: Yes, it is.
Ziva: What is the range?
McGee: Almost a kilometer.
Tony: I don't speak Canadian. How far is that?

Tony: It's in your blood isn't it.
Ziva: What is?
Tony: Your thinking of how your gonna get him. Maybe some intense mind games followed by sheer force [Locks the women door] Go for the the jugular or the slow kill your a dangerous woman.
Ziva: Who am I getting Agent Dunham
Tony: Why would you want Dunham thought we were talking about Pak Su Ji
Ziva: Dunham is from Texas. I like Texas what is that saying anyway umm, he cleans up nice.
Tony: Not that nice I thought he was kinda creepy.
Ziva: Oh, come on stop being such a big brother he's a field agent a nomad I've had enogh of that in my life I came to seelt down to make a home for myself the last thing I need is a Chad Dunham.
Tony: Mmm
Ziva: However.
Tony: What?
[Ziva laughs then they both laugh]

Tony: It's not as bad as it looks. It's actually an ancient form of meditation, it's a good thing.
Prince Sayed: Agent Gibbs, have you had breakfast?
Gibbs: (takes Tony's hat) Party's over. (hits Tony on the head with the hat several times)
Tony: Ow, ow,ow,ow,ow!
Gibbs: Explain!

Tony: McGee would know. Head shots are his specialty.
Ducky: What?
Palmer: He's referring to a videogame he's been playing way too much.
Ducky: Ah.
Tony: What's this surprising bit of editorializing coming from the once and future king of dorkland?
Palmer: Hey, I now have a girlfriend.
Tony: The king is dead. [gripping McGee's shoulder] Long live the king.

Tony: Nora was right. I found my favorite picture, and it's the only one with someone in it.
Ziva: [looks down at the picture and smiles, almost blushing]
Tony: Very french new wave, don't you think?
Ziva: Maybe. I think it would look better in black and white.

Tony: Taking the tour?
Ziva: I have my first psych evaluation.
Tony: Oh, yeah. I always loved those.
Ziva: I'm sure. You get to talk about yourself the entire time. [Tony laughs] I'm sorry, that --
Tony: No, no, no. That's okay. No one's ever accused you of having tact. [Ziva looks away] Sorry.

Tony: That's --
Abby: Uh-huh!
McGee: It's no longer in --
Abby: Nuh-uh!
Ziva: This is Gibbs' boat.
Abby: This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!
McGee: What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Ziva: Or who killed them.
Tony: Or how they ended up on the boat.
Abby: Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!

Tony: There's something I haven't told you, yet.
Ulman: What is that?
Tony: I've told you about the brains. I've told you about the guts. I've told you about the muscle. The scientist, the politician, the leader. I told you about every member of the team, except myself. The part I play.
Ulman: Which is?
Tony: I'm the wildcard. I'm the guy who looks at the reality in front of him and refuses to accept it. Like right now I should be terrified, right, but I'm not. Because I just can't stop thinking about the movie True Lies. You know, where Arnie's strapped to the chair and shot full of truth serum. He picks his cuffs and kills everybody. You have thirty seconds to live, Saleem.
Ulman: [sneers] You're still bound. You're lying.
Tony: I can't lie. And I didn't say I was going to be the one to kill you. Remember when I told you my boss was a sniper?
[Ulman looks to the window in horror; a shot rings out and he falls to the floor, clearly dead. Crash zoom through the cell window to a sand dune hundreds of yards away, atop of which lies Gibbs in full camo with his sniper rifle.]
Gibbs: [into radio] Go.

Tony: Wait a minute. You're saying the widow and the stud diver, they... they did it together? [turns to Ziva] Ziva'd you hear that?
Ziva: Yes.
Tony: Yes what?
Ziva: Yes, I heard the wife did it, Tony! Okay, yes, you are a genius!
Borin: Okay, question, where would you hide a lot of money if you were afraid your house could be ceased?
Tony: [slaps the table] Not in my house!

Tony: Well, you're off on your own, Ziva. I'm already enlightened. I know exactly where I am. It may not be pretty, but I am DiNozzo. Hear me roar.
Ziva: Like an elephant.

Tony: You ever been married, doc?
Dr. Talridge: Twice, but never at the same time.

Tony: You failed your polygraph! That's not good.
McGee: No, I didn't fail it. They said I have to take it again.
Tony: Why would you have to take it again? Don't ask, don't tell. You didn't make the mistake of coming out, did you?
McGee: I don't have anything to come out about.
Tony: Stick to that story, McQueen.

Tony: You want to learn about being a real man, McGee, you've got to study the Japanese samurai. These guys are like Gibbs, with even bigger stones and less to say.
McGee: Is that even possible?