Abby: (To the dog) Who's a good Jethro?
Gibbs: (Enters Abby's lab, she doesn't see) I'm a good Jethro.
Abby: Don't be mad, be flattered. He's just so strong and handsome and silent, so I decided to call him Jethro.

Abby: Do you know what my biggest pet peeve is, McGee?
McGee: People who say they're vegetarians but eat chicken?

Abby: Gibbs has this uncanny ability to know when I've found something. I don't even know what I've found yet.
Fred: Well he didn't seem happy.
Abby: Oh, no, no. He never is. Even when he is happy, and I doubt he's happy right now. But, you know, I am his favorite, so he's usually pretty good with me.

Abby: Jethro is fine. I'm taking up a collection for flowers.
McGee: Why would I give flowers to a dog who attacked me?
Abby: Maybe because dog is man's best friend. Or maybe because I am a forensic scientist and I can boil you from the inside out and never leave a trace.
[McGee quickly puts money in the container]

Abby: The prints were made by a residue of polysaccharide dust derived from belta-glucose. What makes it interesting, is the backbone of D-xylopyranose, linked with eight xylose units... Panda poop.
Gibbs: Panda?
Abby: Poop. Which is why it fluoresces, like all other poop does. What makes it really, really interesting... is the sodium hydrochloride: a.k.a Chlorine bleach.
Abby: [pause] I, lost you at "poop", huh.
Gibbs: Uh-huh.

Abby: Tony! I knew you'd be alright, I knew it! Everybody else gave you up for dead, even Ziva!
Ziva: OK, so I may have acted a little... hastily.
Tony: That's my letter opener!
Ziva: Excellent balance and weight. The edge is a little dull, but I have always admired it.
Tony: (checks his desk) Where's my American Pie coffee mug?
Abby: Palmer.
Tony: Mighty Mouse stapler?
Abby: Ducky. (looks over his shoulder) Hey, Ducky!
[Tony turns and sees Ducky, caught in the act of trying to replace Tony's Mighty Mouse stapler.]
Ducky: My dear fellow... I never believed it for a moment!

Abby: Who would shoot this cute little dog? Look at you... [realizing, she turns around and glares at McGee]
McGee: It was self-defense. It-it was self-defense!
Abby: You shot that cute little dog?!
McGee: He's not cute and little! He's, he's vicious and large!
[The dog whines piteously.]
Abby: How could you shoot an innocent animal, McGee?!
McGee: Abby, that dog is not innocent, he killed someone!
Abby: Dogs don't kill people! People kill people!
McGee: People with dogs that kill people kill people!
[Abby grabs McGee's jacket and cuddles the dog.]
McGee: You're wrapping the dog in my jacket?! My Hugo Boss jacket?! Abby, there's evidence on there...!
Abby: If you think that I can't distinguish the fibers on your stupid jacket from the evidence on the dog, you don't know me, McGee! And right now, I don't want to know you! [to the dog, kindly] Good dog. [to McGee, angrily] Bad McGee!

Abby: You guys okay?
McGee: Oh, yeah, we're peachy. I am dealing with my boat phobia, Tony is dealing with his rat phobia and Ziva is dealing with her ghost phobia.
Abby: So, what's Gibbs dealing with?
Gibbs: Them.

Abby: [as they are waiting in Evidence Garage] Ooh! Tarot cards. Want to see what happens next?
Tony: I am dying with anticipation. [gets distracted]
Abby: Tony! We are about to summon the elusive elements of the cosmos. Concentrate.
Tony: I'm with you. Call the spirits. Tell them to bring a pizza.

Abby: Your eyes are getting heavy. All information is recorded in the subconscious mind. I'm going to count down from three. As I'm counting down, you're going to go into a deeper state of relaxation. 3... You're getting calm and relaxed. 2... You're going into a deeper state of comfort. 1... You're in a deep [touches Palmer's forehead with one finger as his eyes close shut] sleep. [gives a surprised thumb's up to McGee who nods in return]
Abby: You're at peace. You have the ability to retrieve any information at will. You have total recall. If at any time, you feel a block to your memory, take a deep breath, [Palmer takes a deep breath] and the block will melt away. Understand?
Palmer: [Nods sleepily]
Abby: Okay, I'm going to take you back to yesterday. You're at the rime scene. You find a passport.
Palmer: Passport?
Abby: Yeah, do you see it? It's vinyl, dark blue.
Palmer: Vinyl?
Abby: Yes.
Palmer: Dark blue?
Abby: Yes. Pick it up.
Palmer: No, I'm gonna get hurt.
Abby: You're safe Jimmy. No one is gonna hurt you. Deep breath. [Palmer takes a deep breath] Good. Okay, you're at the crime scene. You look down and what do you see?
Palmer: [smiles] Leather. Light brown.
Abby: [incredulous] What? [takes a deep breath and then continues] Okay, pick it up and look at it. Are you doing it?
Palmer: Mmhm.
Abby: Okay, what does it say?
Palmer: Cole Hann, low boot, size 7 and a half.
McGee: Sounds like a woman's boot.
Abby: [scolding] Jimmy, put Ziva's boot down. Can you hear me? It's Abby.
Palmer: Oh, Abby... Black, high platforms, Demonia, size 10
Abby: [stand up] Jimmy!
Palmer: [is startled awake] What? What did I say? Did we catch him? Did we learn anything about this guy?
McGee: No, but we certainly learned something about you.
Palmer: Whatever it is, it's not what you think.
McGee: If the shoe fits... [starts walking away and Abby blows out the candles]
Palmer: Wait, wait, where are you going?
McGee: These boots were made for walking.

Ducky: Jimmy, I have no doubt that you have it in you to die a hero's death. But until then, I would greatly appreciate your assistance here.

Ducky: A man's heart often tells us how he lived. Sometimes, it might even tell us how he died, but contrary to popular myth, it never tells us how he loved.

Franks: Might be hard to believe, but I was in love once. Her name was Maggie. She had it all, quick as a fox, great curves, trusted her with my life.
Shepard: What happened?
Franks: Traded for a Harley-Davidson when the transmission blew.

Gibbs: Courage doesn't have anything to do with medals. It's simple. You run to the gunfire, not away from it.

Gibbs: Do I need to send you two back to the men's room?
Tony: Hey! She followed me in there!
Ziva: Only because you wouldn't talk to me!
Tony: [Gibbs stares them down] Shutting up, Boss.