NCIS quotes
1049 total quotesAll Seasons
Season 1
Season 2
Season 3
Season 4
Season 5
Season 6
Season 7
Season 8
Season 9
Season 10
Ducky: Agent Blackadder reminds me of a young woman I autopsied once.
Gibbs: [looking at the body] When'd she die?
Ducky: Oh, gosh, in Hollywood. Let's see, it's got to be at least 20 years ago. She was an assistant film editor and the film editor's wife caught them in flagrante delicto--
Gibbs: [interrupting] This one, Ducky. When did this one die?
Gibbs: [looking at the body] When'd she die?
Ducky: Oh, gosh, in Hollywood. Let's see, it's got to be at least 20 years ago. She was an assistant film editor and the film editor's wife caught them in flagrante delicto--
Gibbs: [interrupting] This one, Ducky. When did this one die?
Tony: [refering to the Caf Pow] Is that number 2 or 3 today?
Abby: If you must know, it's number 4.
Tony: [holds up evidence bag] I brought you a present.
Abby: [smiles] And you wonder why you're still single.
Abby: If you must know, it's number 4.
Tony: [holds up evidence bag] I brought you a present.
Abby: [smiles] And you wonder why you're still single.
Tony: You redecorating?
Abby: I thought I'd brighten the place up a bit.
Tony: You take these?
Abby: Yeah, that's a cross section of what a 12 gauge did to an L3 to L5.
Tony: Shotgun-shattered backbone?
Abby: Ya, the middle one there is a cross section of an icepick to a cerebellum.
Tony: [grimaces, then looks at another picture] Duodenum?
Abby: Yeah; I like to call it "Duodenum with a lye chaser". It's a sad end of a Drano drinker.
Tony: You need to get out more, Abby.
Abby: Is that an invite?
Abby: I thought I'd brighten the place up a bit.
Tony: You take these?
Abby: Yeah, that's a cross section of what a 12 gauge did to an L3 to L5.
Tony: Shotgun-shattered backbone?
Abby: Ya, the middle one there is a cross section of an icepick to a cerebellum.
Tony: [grimaces, then looks at another picture] Duodenum?
Abby: Yeah; I like to call it "Duodenum with a lye chaser". It's a sad end of a Drano drinker.
Tony: You need to get out more, Abby.
Abby: Is that an invite?
Abby: [lifting a fingerprint for the victim's car] Let your fingers do the talking. [to Tony] Why'd they tow it?
Tony: It was abandoned in a lot at Great Falls. Any of those finger prints big enough to be a man's?
Abby: Yep. Whoever was riding shotgun.
Tony: How fast can you run 'em?
Abby: Usually about 12 hours, but for dinner...
Tony: Get me an ID in two, and I'll make it Cafe Alantico.
Abby: Sweet.
Tony: It was abandoned in a lot at Great Falls. Any of those finger prints big enough to be a man's?
Abby: Yep. Whoever was riding shotgun.
Tony: How fast can you run 'em?
Abby: Usually about 12 hours, but for dinner...
Tony: Get me an ID in two, and I'll make it Cafe Alantico.
Abby: Sweet.
[Vivian is reading Rabb his rights]
Rabb: I know my Article 31 rights, and I waive them.
[she continues reading them]
Rabb: I said I waive them.
Gibbs: She used to be FBI.
Rabb: I know my Article 31 rights, and I waive them.
[she continues reading them]
Rabb: I said I waive them.
Gibbs: She used to be FBI.
Rabb: There are enough holes in this case to raise reasonable doubt.
Lt. Cmdr. Coleman: There is also enough evidence to tie you to the murders and a string of witnesses. Your colleagues will testify to angry words between you and Lieutenant Singer right up to the time of her death.
Rabb: Well, it could be worse, I guess.
Coleman: How?
Rabb: I could not have an alibi.
Coleman: [in annoyance] You have an alibi?
Rabb: No.
Lt. Cmdr. Coleman: There is also enough evidence to tie you to the murders and a string of witnesses. Your colleagues will testify to angry words between you and Lieutenant Singer right up to the time of her death.
Rabb: Well, it could be worse, I guess.
Coleman: How?
Rabb: I could not have an alibi.
Coleman: [in annoyance] You have an alibi?
Rabb: No.
[Ducky is telling his findings in court]
Major McBurney: What else did you discover?
Ducky: On her left buttock, I found a tattoo of a stalking leopard. Majestic. Brilliant. I've only seen one other like it: on a tango dancer in Buenos Aires who died of dehydration. I was on sabbatical at the ti--
McBurney: [interrupts] Doctor, I was asking about Lieutenant Singer.
Ducky: She wasn't in Buenos Aires...
Major McBurney: What else did you discover?
Ducky: On her left buttock, I found a tattoo of a stalking leopard. Majestic. Brilliant. I've only seen one other like it: on a tango dancer in Buenos Aires who died of dehydration. I was on sabbatical at the ti--
McBurney: [interrupts] Doctor, I was asking about Lieutenant Singer.
Ducky: She wasn't in Buenos Aires...
Coleman: Doctor isn't it possible that the LT's injuries were a result of an accidental fall?
Ducky: [very seriously] Well the railing is very high. It's quite unlikely. Unless the LT's unconscious body levitated and dropped over the side. I've heard--
Coleman: [cutting him off] Thank you Doctor.
Ducky: [very seriously] Well the railing is very high. It's quite unlikely. Unless the LT's unconscious body levitated and dropped over the side. I've heard--
Coleman: [cutting him off] Thank you Doctor.
[after finding Commander Rabb's name on the hat]
Abby: If the hat does fit, you can't acquit.
[both lawyers give Abby a funny look]
Abby: Oh, come on; one of you would have said it if you had thought of it first.
Abby: If the hat does fit, you can't acquit.
[both lawyers give Abby a funny look]
Abby: Oh, come on; one of you would have said it if you had thought of it first.
Vivian: I'm sorry, I almost blew it.
Gibbs: [disapprovingly] Almost?
Tony: I still like you.
Season 1
Gibbs: [disapprovingly] Almost?
Tony: I still like you.
Season 1
Gibbs: We're LEO's.
TSA Agent Dennis: Ah, I'm a Capricorn.
Tony: LEO, short for Law Enforcement Officer.
Gibbs: Are you... new at this, Dennis?
Dennis: First week! [checks their papers] N-C-I-S. Never heard of it.
Gibbs: [to Tony] Now that's embarrassing.
Dennis: NCIS? That anything like CSI?
Tony: Only if you're dyslexic.
TSA Agent Dennis: Ah, I'm a Capricorn.
Tony: LEO, short for Law Enforcement Officer.
Gibbs: Are you... new at this, Dennis?
Dennis: First week! [checks their papers] N-C-I-S. Never heard of it.
Gibbs: [to Tony] Now that's embarrassing.
Dennis: NCIS? That anything like CSI?
Tony: Only if you're dyslexic.
Tony: Gibbs, the pilot won't take off until the Secret Service chick gives us the... [sees Kate with Gibbs] ... thumbs up.
Kate: I think that just made it my team.
Gibbs: No, means I'm gonna have to hijack Air Force One. Tony, escort Agent Todd off this aircraft and close the hatch.
Kate: You're not serious! Wait. Fine. Your team. But just because I don't want to have to delay us any further by having to shoot you.
Kate: I think that just made it my team.
Gibbs: No, means I'm gonna have to hijack Air Force One. Tony, escort Agent Todd off this aircraft and close the hatch.
Kate: You're not serious! Wait. Fine. Your team. But just because I don't want to have to delay us any further by having to shoot you.
Tony: Excuse me. You'll need to stand clear so I can take measurements for my crime scene sketches. Thanks.
Kate: Sketches? You've taken a dozen photos.
Tony: [Picks up a men's magazine] Tell me her measurements.
Kate: You're pathetic.
Tony: No, I'm serious. Can you tell if she's 5'4 and a 34C or 5'7 and a 36D? You can't. Not from a photo. That's why we do sketches and take measurements. Thanks.
[Later]
Ducky: I thought your photo analysis was brilliant, Tony, but isn't 36D a bit of wishful thinking?
Tony: You think?
Kate: Sketches? You've taken a dozen photos.
Tony: [Picks up a men's magazine] Tell me her measurements.
Kate: You're pathetic.
Tony: No, I'm serious. Can you tell if she's 5'4 and a 34C or 5'7 and a 36D? You can't. Not from a photo. That's why we do sketches and take measurements. Thanks.
[Later]
Ducky: I thought your photo analysis was brilliant, Tony, but isn't 36D a bit of wishful thinking?
Tony: You think?
Gibbs: NCIS does not leak. These plans get out... you can shoot DiNozzo.
Kate: No, I think I'm destined to shoot you.
Kate: No, I think I'm destined to shoot you.