NCIS quotes
1049 total quotesAll Seasons
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Abby: Do you know what my biggest pet peeve is, McGee?
McGee: People who say they're vegetarians but eat chicken?
McGee: People who say they're vegetarians but eat chicken?
Abby: Gibbs has this uncanny ability to know when I've found something. I don't even know what I've found yet.
Fred: Well he didn't seem happy.
Abby: Oh, no, no. He never is. Even when he is happy, and I doubt he's happy right now. But, you know, I am his favorite, so he's usually pretty good with me.
Fred: Well he didn't seem happy.
Abby: Oh, no, no. He never is. Even when he is happy, and I doubt he's happy right now. But, you know, I am his favorite, so he's usually pretty good with me.
Abby: Hey Gibbs. Do you have any fetishes?
Gibbs: I've got three ex wives. I can't afford to have any fetishes.
Gibbs: I've got three ex wives. I can't afford to have any fetishes.
Abby: I dated this guy once who just wanted me to bounce up and down on a balloon.
Gibbs: OK, stop.
Gibbs: OK, stop.
Abby: I don't know. Guys have all sorts of strange rituals before they go out. This one guy, he does a full upper body workout just seconds before his date just so he can be pumped.
Gibbs: Does Tony know that you know?
Abby: Does Tony know that you know?
Gibbs: Does Tony know that you know?
Abby: Does Tony know that you know?
Abby: I enjoy going to the dentist.
Kate: What could you possibly enjoy?
Abby: A little pain is a good thing, Kate.
Kate: What could you possibly enjoy?
Abby: A little pain is a good thing, Kate.
Abby: I found this, in his left trouser pocket. It's organic.
Gibbs: Illegal?
Abby: We could smoke it and find out.
Gibbs: Illegal?
Abby: We could smoke it and find out.
Abby: I have some good news and some bad news. Good news: I'm still cute. Bad news: The bomb squad got a little trigger-happy. [holds up bag of bomb fragments] Do you have any idea what's beyond "smithereens"?
Gibbs: Not a clue.
Abby: Neither do I.
[A moment later, Ziva catches up to annoyed Abby in elevator]
Abby: Are you going home?
Ziva: Not yet. I thought I might be able to help you with... [gestures to evidence] ...that.
Abby: [scathingly] Really? Do you have a degree in forensic science?
Ziva: No, but I'm very good at jigsaw puzzles.
Abby: [softening a bit] Huh. We'll see.
Gibbs: Not a clue.
Abby: Neither do I.
[A moment later, Ziva catches up to annoyed Abby in elevator]
Abby: Are you going home?
Ziva: Not yet. I thought I might be able to help you with... [gestures to evidence] ...that.
Abby: [scathingly] Really? Do you have a degree in forensic science?
Ziva: No, but I'm very good at jigsaw puzzles.
Abby: [softening a bit] Huh. We'll see.
Abby: I love you, McGee. Not like "love you" love you. Not that I don't love you, because I do, kind of. You know, like the way I love puppies.
McGee: I could have done without that comparison.
Abby: But I love puppies.
McGee: I could have done without that comparison.
Abby: But I love puppies.
Abby: I'm a scientist, and he plays with voodoo dolls.
McGee: Uh, Abby, you play with voodoo dolls.
Abby: I meant metaphorically, McGee. I don't think they actually do anything. I just play with ��em, y'know, to relax.
McGee: Uh, Abby, you play with voodoo dolls.
Abby: I meant metaphorically, McGee. I don't think they actually do anything. I just play with ��em, y'know, to relax.
Abby: I'm pregnant, McGee. Twins. I haven't told the father yet. It's Gibbs. I know it's wrong, but there's something about his silver hair that gets me all tingly inside.
Tony: Excuse me, I think I'm going to vomit.
Abby: I'm joking, Tony. Except for the part about Gibbs's hair. That is really hot.
Tony: What seems to be the problem Abs?
Abby: McGee's ignoring me!
Tony: Easily fixable. [slaps McGee on the back of the head]
McGee: Ow! What was that for?
Tony: Don't ignore Abby; she's sensitive.
Tony: Excuse me, I think I'm going to vomit.
Abby: I'm joking, Tony. Except for the part about Gibbs's hair. That is really hot.
Tony: What seems to be the problem Abs?
Abby: McGee's ignoring me!
Tony: Easily fixable. [slaps McGee on the back of the head]
McGee: Ow! What was that for?
Tony: Don't ignore Abby; she's sensitive.
Abby: Jethro is fine. I'm taking up a collection for flowers.
McGee: Why would I give flowers to a dog who attacked me?
Abby: Maybe because dog is man's best friend. Or maybe because I am a forensic scientist and I can boil you from the inside out and never leave a trace.
[McGee quickly puts money in the container]
McGee: Why would I give flowers to a dog who attacked me?
Abby: Maybe because dog is man's best friend. Or maybe because I am a forensic scientist and I can boil you from the inside out and never leave a trace.
[McGee quickly puts money in the container]
Abby: McGee, never forget. I am one of few people, in the world, who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence.