Abby: [to Gibbs] I can hear you staring.

Abby: Great, now I have to build a freaking coffin!

Abby: Oh, I remember those days. When I was carefree and full of joy. I envy you, Tony.
Tony: Why are you dressed for a funeral, Abby?
McGee: Is everything okay?
Abby: No. Frank is sick.
Ziva: Who is Frank?
Abby: My mandibular second molar. It's been killing me for a week. I'm finally going to the dentist.
Tony: You name your teeth?
Abby: You don't?

Abby: Stop interogating me, McGee!
McGee: Stop acting weird!
Abby: I am weird!

Abby: They haven't hurt McGee, have they?
Ziva: We have not heard anything.
Tony: [holds evidence box] Got something for ya from Trimble's apartment, Abby. We need to figure all this stuff out before sunset.
Abby: Define 'before sunset'!
Tony: Before the sun goes down.
Abby: [looks frustrated and sighs, grabbing the box and heads to table]
Abby: The sun sets at around 5:02. So, does that mean we have until five oh one?
Ziva: Before sunset.
Abby: That could be now. Not good enough! I can't take this. Every time you guys go out, and I never know if you're gonna make it back, [Tony and Ziva exchange a look as she mutters] and it's killing me. I can't sleep at night and I'm developing this sort of weird twitch.
Ziva: Our work is sometimes dangerous, Abby.
Abby: Then get a safer job.
Tony: Then you wouldn't see us at all.
Abby: [frowns] True. Still...sucks!

Abby: Well, Ducky was right. It's snot.
McGee: It's not what?
Abby: It's snot.
McGee: It's not?
Abby: Yeah, it is.
McGee: It's what?
Abby: Snot. The substance found in Lindsey Evans hair. It's snot.
McGee: Well, why didn't you just say that?

Abby: What do you see?
McGee: Um, french vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.
Abby: Interesting. [flipping to another picture] What now?
McGee: Um.
Abby: You can say it. We're grown-ups, McGee. Say it.
McGee: Sex.
Abby: Mold sex, actually. Practically mold porn.
McGee: Why are you showing me mold porn?

Abby: Are you going somewhere?
Gibbs: Yeah. That's what I came down here to tell you. Los Angeles.
Abby: Into the lionesses den?!
Gibbs: [Kisses her cheek] I'm taking McGee.
Abby: Gibbs. It's just last time you guys went to L.A. one of you didn't come back.
Gibbs: I'll bring him home, Abs. [Walks away]
Abby: Just make sure you bring yourself back, too.

Abby: Did I miss it?
Ziva: No, he's letting him sit.
Abby: Sit?! He gets a chair? He -- he kills bunnies!!

Abby: Heller made the bullet and I made the gun.
Tony: Huh. Assassination made easy, but I mean really, a gun would be easier.
Gibbs: He didn't build it to kill someone.
Tony: He built it to sell it.
Abby: [sarcastically] Perfect. Hi, I'm Abby Sciuto: International bio-weapons dealer.

Abby: I don't know what to get anybody. What do you think Tony needs?
Gibbs: An attitude adjustment.
Abby: Gibbs, you're not helping.

Abby: I like everything about Christmas. Except for that Chipmunk song. And shopping... I never know what to get anyone. Especially Gibbs! What do you get for the guy who has nothing and wants... nothing.
Ducky: Some squeaky shoes.
Abby: [startles, looking behind her] Hi, Gibbs!

Abby: Okay, the victim, Leonard Caswell, postal worker. He was shot at point blank range by Robert Perry. It's kind of funny; a non-postal worker going postal on a postal worker. Not funny like, ha-ha funny, but funny like comically absurdly amusing funny. Like irony, comedy is very subjective.

Agent Wilson: How's Gibbs to work for?
Tony: What have you heard? That bad guys would rather confess than be interrogated by him? That his steely gaze can cool a room by five degrees? That he can only be killed by a silver bullet, like a werewolf? They're all true, except for the silver bullet part. It might give him indigestion or heartburn, but I don't think it'd kill him.

Ducky: Dwayne Wilson...
Gibbs: He's a baby agent.
Ducky: And I'm looking at his personnel report because...?
Gibbs: That's your thing!
Ducky: My thing? [pause] Ah, I take it that Agent Wilson is alive.
Gibbs: Oh yeah.
Ducky: So you don't want me to do an autopsy, which leaves my other thing. Psychological profile?