Tony: You're annoying!
McGee: You're juvenile!

Ulman:[while he is holding a knife to Ziva's throat] I don't make bargains.
Tony: Do you make pizza?

Witness 1: It's gnarly, dude.
Witness 2: Yeah, for real.
Gibbs: Words, use 'em. Helpful words.
Witness 2: We were sleeping in our van, yo, right. We heard bam, bam, boom, boom, crack, crack.
Witness 1: Gunshots, dude. That's what I said. I was like, dude, gunshots. [turns to look at friend] Right?
Ziva: So you're saying there were six gunshots?
Witness 1: No, two gunshots. But there was like an echo and he was like, dude don't look and I was like dude were looking.
Witness 2: Yeah, and then, then we like peeked through the windows and we saw two dudes drive off in a black Lincoln.
Gibbs: Two? You sure there's two, it wasn't an echo?
Witness 1: Yep, two dudes.
Witness 2: Two dudes.

Ziva: [to Tony and McGee] You know what, you two? I have actually heard of this. You two are having a seven year bitch.
Tony: Itch, and yes we are.
Ziva: You two are like a married couple.
Gibbs: Oh, no they're not. They're still speaking.

Ziva: [walks to Tony's desk, holding a coffee cup] You know, Tony, I have been thinking, and I would like to acknowledge my place as a new agent and your place as-
Tony: Your superior in every way.
Ziva: [takes a deep breath] Yes. But for my sanity, could you not call me probie?
Tony: I say it with love.
[Long pause.]
Tony: And if I refuse?
Ziva: You are senior field agent and I am entirely at your mercy.
Tony: As you should be!
[He accepts the coffee and sips, looking surprised.]
Tony: Mmm! Mmm-.mm!
[He chuckles appreciatively, while Ziva looks very pleased at how much he likes it... until he grins, showing his teeth have been stained blue.]

Ziva: A team of Homeland Security officers will be waiting for us when we land. Outside the terminal an NCIS detail will take over.
Marshall Neeley: Not taking any chances in case your new hitman tries something on the ground, huh?
Ziva: Which is why we must consider the possibility they may try something on the plane, where Nora is more vulnerable.
Neeley: You have reason to believe they're on board?
Ziva: Stationary target. Closed quarters.
Neeley: A modern day Orient Express.
Ziva: The killer would just need an inconspicuous weapon.
Neeley: Like what? Listen, I've been doing this for a long while and I doubt that there's anything --
Ziva: Headphone cables make for a perfect garrote, and plastic silverware is not as safe as you might think. I once killed a man using a credit card.

Ziva: Are you following orders?
Gibbs: Your father, Ziva. He's not a good guy. He's dirty.
Ziva: You cannot say no to him. Not a second time.
Gibbs: [to Ben-Gidon] Go! Get out of here! Run! You tell Eli David to stay away. She is off limits!
Ben-Gidon: I failed you, Ziva. I am sorry.
Ziva: Never apologize. It is a sign of weakness.

Ziva: Being stuck at that desk has given me a lot of time to think. Being a visitor here is wrong.
Gibbs: What does that mean, Ziva?
Ziva: I need your signature on this. I want to be an NCIS agent.
Gibbs: I don't even know if that's possible. You would have to resign from Mossad.
Ziva: Already have. Sent my father an email.
Gibbs: Hmm. Now what's he think about that?
Ziva: It does not matter.

Ziva: Hello, Abby.
Abby: [turns off her music] What the hell is wrong with you?! How could you have doubted Tony after everything you've been through together? Do you really think that Tony killed Rivkin because he was jealous?!
Ziva: Abby, please calm-
Abby: You weren't thinking, that's what! You weren't thinking! [begins pacing] Although I suppose I could understand your initial reaction. You were at an emotional time for you and for people to act rationally. [stops] But to tell Gibbs that you didn't trust Tony?! [paces] Which I guess I could also understand, because I guess he did just shoot your boyfriend... in your living room... to death. All right, I'll give you that one. [stops] But this is Tony we're talking about here! All soft and goofy on the outside and 100% rock on the inside! And after everything you accused him of, he risked his life to go save you! You should be ashamed of yourself! [paces] Even though in hindsight it is starting to make a little bit more sense now. [stops] But either way, the ball is in your court! It is Tony one and Ziva zilch! This is your move, and it had better be a good one...! Oh, God. I was so worried about you. [hugs Ziva]
Ziva: I know.
[Abby remotely activates a welcome home banner with streamers, causing Ziva to smile.]

Ziva: Hey, any of you notice something different about Ducky?
McGee: Yeah, he has seemed awfully chipper as of late.
Tony: Ducky does seem plucky. No one loves rain in D.C.
Ziva: No, his ties! He's been wearing tie ties, not his bow ties.
Tony: Wow. That's very observant.

Ziva: I found candy leftover from Valentine's day.
Tony: Candy from who?
Ziva: Why does it matter?
Tony: It matters because you didn't eat it and so that person must not mean very much to you. It means something!
Ziva: It means nothing.
Tony: Well I'm glad I wasn't your valentine.
Ziva: So am I!

Ziva: Okay, so how many amendments to the Constitution?
Gibbs: The Bill of Rights is the first ten, prohibition is eighteen. I'm guessing twenty-three.
Ziva: Twenty-seven!
Gibbs: Nobody likes a smartass, David.
Ziva: Why do I have to study all this and you don't?!
Gibbs: I was born here!

Ziva: Out of everyone in the world who could have found me, it had to be you?
Tony: [nods] You're welcome. So, are you glad to see me?
Ziva: You should not have come.
Tony: All right, then. Good catching up. I'll be going now. [tries to stand, but is chained to the chair] Oh, yeah, I forgot. [chuckles] Taken prisoner!
Ziva: Are you all right, McGee?
McGee: I'm just glad you're alive.
Ziva: You thought I was dead?
Tony: Oh, yeah.
Ziva: Then why are you here?
Tony: McGee -- McGee didn't think you were dead.
Ziva: Tony! Why are you here?
Tony: [painful pause as Tony tries fight the truth serum] Couldn't live without you, I guess.
Ziva: So you will die with me. You should have left me alone.
Tony: Okay. Tried, couldn't. Listen, you should know I've taken some kind of truth serum, so if there's any questions you don't know the answer to --
Ziva: I did not ask for anyone to put themselves in harm's way for me. I do not deserve it.
Tony: Is that what you're doing out here? Some kind of monastic experience? Penance?
Ziva: It is justified.
Tony: Get over yourself.
Ziva: I have.

Ziva: Slow drivers.
Tony: Bad drivers.
Ziva: What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn.
Tony: You're quoting Better Off Dead. I told you to watch that.

Ziva: So this is where a redthroat would hang out after being overseas for months.
Tony: It's not redthroat, it's redneck.
Ziva: Oh.
Tony: And I think we've found the entire cast of Hee Haw.
Ziva: Over there. That's him.
Tony: With his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl?