Ziva: So, what exactly are you looking for in Miss Right?
Tony: [laughs] Well, aside from the obvious physical requirements, I don't know. I guess she'd be a very independent woman, intelligent, successful, professional.
Ziva: Okay, just one question: what would this woman, possibly, see in you?
[They smile and walk away from each other]

Ziva: That is total salami!
Tony: Baloney.

Ziva: These are ocean charts. [points] This is where the Delilah was abandoned.
Tony: Calafuego. Treasure hunters.
Ziva: Is that was this is all about? Treasure?
Tony: Pirate treasure.
Ziva: Well this looks like David Jones' Locker.
Tony: Davy Jones'. He used to sing with The Monkees.
Ziva: Real monkeys?
Tony: I envy your brain sometimes.

Ziva: These chocolates are delicious!
Gibbs: Hey, dad. Stop making my team fat.
Ziva: Gibbs, why didn't you tell us your father was coming?
Gibbs: I didn't think he'd actually show. Go ahead, have another one, bubble butt.
Tony: It's my metabolism slowing with age. It's nothing a post-holiday cleanse won't cure.

Ziva: Those are none of your business, those belong to McGee.
Tony: They're funny.
Ziva: They're private.
Tony: They're self-help CD's McLonely's hearts ordered...um, download your destiny. Three easy payments of $19.95 each satisfaction guarranted or your money back.
Ziva: Maybe McGee's already satisfied.
Tony: Well maybe there's an easter bunny too.
Ziva: Tony...
Voice: Anyone can achieve their fullest potiental. Who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our [Tony laughs]
Ziva: Oh my god, turn that off!
Tony: I love this guy! Sort of a poor man Shatner.
Voice: We should never allow our fears or the exceptions of others to set the frontiers of our [Ziva shuts it off]
Ziva: I've heard enough maybe your the one who needs the self-help.
Tony: Well, see that's where your wrong Ziva. I'm already enlightened.

Ziva: We need to talk.
Gibbs: Sit down.
Ziva: When I came to see you and said I wanted back, you said it was the director's call, but I sensed your hesitation. I sense it now, even though I thought I made myself clear. I understand what you did in Israel --
Gibbs: Your brother Ari.
Ziva: You know what happened that night. I was here.
Gibbs: I want to hear it from you. You had orders to kill your brother to earn my trust.
Ziva: Yes.
Gibbs: That's a problem.
Ziva: You don't understand.
Gibbs: You're damn right I don't understand!
Ziva: When I volunteered for that mission --
Gibbs: You killed your own brother, Ziva!
Ziva: It is because I hoped my father was wrong about Ari, and I did not want someone else blindly following orders! I volunteered to protect him, Gibbs!
Gibbs: You lied to me.
Ziva: No, when I told you Ari was innocent, I believed it! But yes, I would have lied to you. He was my brother and you were nothing. But I was wrong about Ari and you. When I pulled the trigger to save your life, I was not following orders. I mean, how could you even think -- he was my brother. And now he is gone, Eli is all but dead to me... [fighting tears] And the closest thing I have to a father is accusing me.
Gibbs: ...Okay.

Ziva: Well to answer your question how would I get him brut force is intriguing.
Tony: Who are we talking about right now Pack Su Ji or the Texas Longhorn.
[Tony laughs]

Ziva: What is CGIS?
McGee: Coast Guard Investigative Service.
Ziva: The Coast Guard has an investigative branch?
McGee: Well, they're smaller than us, but with a wider law enforcement reach.
Ziva: But it is the Coast Guard!
Tony: Whoa, whoa. No need to get uppity. Yes, Virginia, there is a CGIS.
McGee: Now they may not have our track record, or our je ne sais quoi, but they are our legitimate sibling.
Tony: Like Corky in Life Goes On.

Ziva: What is that?
Tony: It's a Geiger counter. You can't be too careful.
Ziva: What do you think Corporal Vega was doing at an empty warehouse?
Tony: I don't know. Why don't you pick the lock and find out?
Ziva: We do not have a warrant.
Tony: This building is foreclosed, which means it's owned by the bank, and since the people own the banks I think technically we own the building.
Ziva: Wow.

Ziva: When you shot Michael I almost killed you where you stood.
Tony: I wasn't standing.
Ziva: No, you weren't. You were lying on the ground, without adequate backup, completely violating protocol.
Tony: And double parked.
Ziva: Yes, I noticed. But that does not matter. Just like it does not matter how it worked out for Michael.
Tony: So what does?
Ziva: That you had my back. That you have always had my back. And that I was wrong to question your motives.
Tony: So why did you?
Ziva: I trusted my brother Ari. I trusted Michael. I could not afford to trust you.
Tony: I thought you weren't sure what to say?
Ziva: I guess I had a long time to think about things.
Tony: I'm sorry, Ziva.
Ziva: No. It is I who am sorry. [kisses Tony on the cheek]

Ziva: Where are we going?
Zwede: Not far.
Ziva: And, uh, what are we taking? What's in the truck?
Tony: [In a car outside with McGee, wired in] What's in the truck?
McGee: What is in the truck?
Zwede: [Opens truck slowly, everyone is waiting on edge]
Ziva: [After seeing the watermelon crates, sounding incredulous] Melons?
Tony: Did she say melons?
McGee: Melons in the truck.
Tony: Melons...
McGee: What are in these melons?

Ziva: You cannot even work your email properly! You always reply to all. It drives me absolutely nuts! You know, when it comes to computers, you are almost as incompetent as Gi -- [looks around the room quickly]
Tony: [chuckles] You thought Gibbs was behind you. You know why? Because sneaky people expect sneakiness. It's a vicious circle.

Ziva: You cannot trust a man whose loyalty has a price.

[Abby has been kindly invited by Alejandro Rivera to speak at a symposium in Mexico City]
McGee: You're not going to go, are you?
Abby: Are you kidding? Why wouldn't I go?
McGee: Well, I bet he just wants to find out how many tats you have.
Abby: Maybe I have a new one that you're never going to see.

[After he, Gibbs, and McGee, by themselves, rescue Ziva from a terrorist base in Somalia.]
Tony: Just your typical day at the office.