Married... with Children quotes

396 total quotes



Peggy: Bud, was I a good mother?
Bud: Well, you must have been. I was the only 8-month-old baby who knew how to change his own diaper.

Vinnie: Mona, why don't you come back a little later.
Mona: Really? When?
Vinnie: When you're no longer a felony.

[Al and Peg come up from the dark cellar.]
Peg: Oh, Al, take me again.
Al: I didn't even know I was taking you then. I tripped on a box and then I thought the furnace fell on me.
Season 6

[Al enters the house carrying a steering wheel.]
Peg: Hi, honey. Why did you bring the steering wheel in the house?
Al: Well, I thought, since it isn't attached any more, maybe you'd like to cook it up for dinner?

[Jefferson, Marcy, and Peg are trying to guess the song Al is humming.]
Marcy: "Itsy-Bitsy Spider"?
Al: No.
Jefferson: "Go Tell Pharaoh"?
Al: No! This is a song from my youth.
Peg: "Look, It's a Wheel"?

[Peg, Kelly and Bud are in search for Al's money.]
Peg: I'll check his underwear. After all, he has only one pair. Now, Bud, you take the closet.
Kelly: Appropriate for you, Bud.
Peg: And Kelly, honey, you take the back seat of the car.
Bud: Appropriate for you, Kel.