Married... with Children quotes
396 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Season 7 Season 8 Season 9 Season 10
Season 11
Lucifer: All right, Mr. Bundy: since you find hell such a picnic, uh, how about this? For the rest of eternity, you'll never see your family again.
Al: This is heaven.
Al: This is heaven.
Mandy: Actually, Al, I'm involved.
Al: Who's the lucky guy?
Mandy: Barbara.
Al: Barbara? Sounds like he's a little light in the loafers.
Mandy: Actually, she's a little heavy in the construction boots.
Al: Who's the lucky guy?
Mandy: Barbara.
Al: Barbara? Sounds like he's a little light in the loafers.
Mandy: Actually, she's a little heavy in the construction boots.
Marcy: Peggy, Kelly, as your civil defense block captain, I'm taking charge. You are to follow my orders without asking any questions.
Kelly: So we're supposed to act like Mr. Darcy?
Kelly: So we're supposed to act like Mr. Darcy?
Officer Dan: Al, I thought we agreed you weren't going to carry a gun.
Al: Don't worry. I know how to handle this thing.
Peg: That's what he said on our honeymoon.
Al: Don't worry. I know how to handle this thing.
Peg: That's what he said on our honeymoon.
Peg: Al, don't make me stop shopping. You'll destroy my life.
Al: Good; then we'll be even.
Al: Good; then we'll be even.
Peg: Al, I don't like these twin beds. It's unnatural.
Al: Anything involving you in a bed is unnatural, Peg. Just put on your snore strap and go to sleep.
Al: Anything involving you in a bed is unnatural, Peg. Just put on your snore strap and go to sleep.
Peg: Al, I'm afraid. Hold me.
Al: Peg, Peg, my life's in danger here. It's important I maintain my will to live.
Al: Peg, Peg, my life's in danger here. It's important I maintain my will to live.
Peg: Hey, that's our dinner coupons you fat cow.
[The fat women are insulted. A fat woman in a black daisy dress named Gwen confronts Peg.]
Gwen: No. No. No. We.. we don't like to be called FAT!
Peg: Then Stay HOME!
[The fat women are insulted. A fat woman in a black daisy dress named Gwen confronts Peg.]
Gwen: No. No. No. We.. we don't like to be called FAT!
Peg: Then Stay HOME!
Peg: On this very special occasion I want you to wear the dress that I wore on the happiest day of my life. Unfortunately, the football team kept it.
Peg: Uh, honey, why don't you stay home and bowl me over?
Al: Because, Peg, I prefer a place where my balls are returned properly.
Al: Because, Peg, I prefer a place where my balls are returned properly.
Shirley: Al Bundy, you are charged with Crimes Against Obesity.
[The fat women marches in the shoe store]
Fat Women: 2, 4, 6, 8, Don't make fun of our weight. 2, 4, 6, 8, Don't make fun of our Weight!
Al: [standing up] 1, 2, 3, 4, You're gonna fall through the floor.
[The fat women marches in the shoe store]
Fat Women: 2, 4, 6, 8, Don't make fun of our weight. 2, 4, 6, 8, Don't make fun of our Weight!
Al: [standing up] 1, 2, 3, 4, You're gonna fall through the floor.
Sketch Artist: So you were robbed by a pirate who looks like Brad Pitt? Are you sure this is who we're looking for?
Peg: Well, he's who I'm looking for.
Peg: Well, he's who I'm looking for.
Woman: Look: I'm a 5, and you are going to sell me a 5 if I have to sit here all night.
Al: So because you're mad at me, you're gonna take it out on a perfectly innocent chair? A chair that has suffered enough already.
Woman: Well, I have just about had enough of you.
Al: Well, you wouldn't say that if I came with fries and a medium drink. You know, medium: the size between small and you.
Al: So because you're mad at me, you're gonna take it out on a perfectly innocent chair? A chair that has suffered enough already.
Woman: Well, I have just about had enough of you.
Al: Well, you wouldn't say that if I came with fries and a medium drink. You know, medium: the size between small and you.
[Flashback to the next one a fat girl name Penelope.]
Penelope: With this attitude, you're gonna be working here for the rest of your life.
Al: Well take a gander in the seat next to you if you want to see what your future looks like.
[Penelope looks at her mother, overweight and offended at Al]
Fat Woman: Come Penelope, let's go someplace where the treat us with respect.
Al: I'd try the Moon, you'll weigh less there.
Penelope: With this attitude, you're gonna be working here for the rest of your life.
Al: Well take a gander in the seat next to you if you want to see what your future looks like.
[Penelope looks at her mother, overweight and offended at Al]
Fat Woman: Come Penelope, let's go someplace where the treat us with respect.
Al: I'd try the Moon, you'll weigh less there.