Married... with Children quotes
396 total quotesAll Seasons
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Al: [walks by Kelly, who is pretending to be a mannequin so she will be able to sneak out] Damn, mannequins look like hookers.
Al: [watching the store clerk walk away] Yeah, let's see the Japanese build a better one of those.
Al: Ah, this is gonna be just great. You know, there's nothing like spending Labor Day with the family, and good food and good friends. (sobs) Oh, God. What a charade! (looks at Peggy) Oh, God!
Al: Al Bundy, all class, all the time.
Aaron: Wait a second: Al Bundy, the All-State Al Bundy?
Al: I was.
Aaron: I thought you died in Vietnam.
Al: Well, uh, actually, I, uh, started that rumour. See, truth be told, I died here at home, victim of Agent Red.
Aaron: Wait a second: Al Bundy, the All-State Al Bundy?
Al: I was.
Aaron: I thought you died in Vietnam.
Al: Well, uh, actually, I, uh, started that rumour. See, truth be told, I died here at home, victim of Agent Red.
Al: All right, everybody, let's hold it right there. Now, how long have I known you guys? What, about two, 300 years? In that time I have learned to do without several things. A yacht, a summer home, love, respect, food. I can accept that. But I will live not one more day without a car that runs. So no more advice. I will go find my own used car lot, and if I come home tonight, God willing, it will be behind the wheel of something that goes "vroom." Al Bundy pushes no more. Now get out of my car.
Al: Bud, did you do this? [short pause] Oh God look at my life, I'm sitting in my own son's wet spot!
[Al walks towards the mirror & looks at himself]
Al: I don't get it. I'm so cute. How could this be my fate? I should've married for money. Always had the bod, arms, God never made a nicer butt.
[Peg walks in, sees Al grabbing his butt and leaves silently]
[Al walks towards the mirror & looks at himself]
Al: I don't get it. I'm so cute. How could this be my fate? I should've married for money. Always had the bod, arms, God never made a nicer butt.
[Peg walks in, sees Al grabbing his butt and leaves silently]
Al: Bud, quick. What's more important: love or money?
Bud: Money. I can always rent love.
Al: Kelly, what's the color of an orange?
Kelly: Right now? No multiple choice? Straight off the top of my head?
Bud: Money. I can always rent love.
Al: Kelly, what's the color of an orange?
Kelly: Right now? No multiple choice? Straight off the top of my head?
Al: Can this be true? Am I not a man I laughed at as a child?
(Bud and his girlfriend walk in)
(Bud and his girlfriend walk in)
Al: Come on, Jefferson, it's just us, some beer and some Mexican strippers. What could happen?
Al: Dad had one great dream, a dream that had been handed down from generation to generation of male Bundys: to build their own room and live separately from their wives. Sadly, they all failed.
Al: Did I thank you for inviting me on this cruise, Peg?
Peg: Well, as a matter of fact you haven't.
Al: Well, then, maybe a simple stake through the heart would suffice.
Peg: Well, as a matter of fact you haven't.
Al: Well, then, maybe a simple stake through the heart would suffice.
Al: Don't mind me, son, just avoiding your mother. Hey now, what's this? Hooters, absolutely no faces.