[Red and Eric have taken Kitty square dancing to make up for missing her birthday]
Eric: This is awful.
Donna: She made me waffles, now promenade you son of a bitch!

[Red complains to the Fatso Burger manager, Ricky about the food served to him]
Ricky: May I help you, sir?
Red: Yeah. I wanna compliment you on one tasty, fried piece of shoe.
Ricky: Let me take care of this right now. Earl!
Red: Oh, no. Did you say Earl?
Ricky: Just one second.
Earl: [walk out of kitchen] Ricky, I'm glad you called me. I need to leave early for a - [sees Red] Oh. Hi, Red.
Ricky: You two know each other?
Earl: I used to work for Red. Then he fired me.
Ricky: Oh. Then he and I have something in common. You're fired!
Earl: What did I do?
Red: Hey, Bob. Job just opened up for you.

[Red is making good progress with his barbecue war against Bob]
Kitty: Well, we've gone through three batches of Ambrosia salad.
Red: Three batches! Not since D-Day has there been such a complete and glorious victory. [laughs. Donna approaches] Oh uh, hi Donna.
Donna: Well I hope you're all happy, cause you ruined my Dad's barbecue. All he wanted was one more good day before everybody found out that his store was closing and he's going bankrupt.
Eric: [surprised] Wait? What?
Donna: Yeah, Bargain Bob's is closing this week so....congratulations. [walks away]
Eric: Oh my God, I feel so bad.
Red: Well you should, you ruined his barbecue. Why would you do that?
Eric: Wha...me? You coulda, you -
Red: Eric, for God's sakes, the man is almost a veteran.
Eric: Ok, fine. You know what. Fine, it's all my fault. But Dad you, you gotta make everyone here go next door.
Kitty: Eric, you're right. We have got to go over there. They are our neighbors, they are our best friends.
Red: Yeah, I suppose. [addresses guests] All right freeloaders, let's move it on over to Bob's! [everyone starts to leave] Eric, grab that keg.
Eric: Ok, I'm on it. [tries to carry but the keg wouldn't budge]

[Since Jackie crashed Kelso's van, Kelso demands an accounting of all expenses incurred during their relationship. Hyde writes down the expenses.]
Hyde: All right. All right. Jackie... in your opinion, what are the goods and services that Kelso owes you for?
Jackie: Everything. He was a total doofus before I met him. In fact, I bought you that belt. So hand it over. And the shirt too.
Kelso: Fine. You know, this shirt has bad memories of you buying me stuff anyway [starts to take off his shirt]
Fez: Here. Let me do the math. Okay. Now, Kelso...Uh, Kelso owes Jackie the price for breaking her beautiful heart... and stealing her innocence. Now, Kelso, what do you believe Jackie owes you?
Kelso: Well- Uh-W- One time I told her that she looked pretty when really she looked pretty skanky. And...and....Hyde, help me out here.
Hyde: Okay. Let me think. Oh. Don't forget he burned your house.
Kelso: Hyde.
Hyde: Dude, you burned her house.

[The gang is not pleased that Kelso's planning to bail on the check at the Vineyard.]
Jackie: Michael, I have never dined and dashed, and I'm not about to start now.
Kelso: Uh, well... Remember when we went to nice restaurants and I told you to wait in the car while I paid? Did you ever wonder why I was running to the car?
Jackie: Oh, my God. I'm a thief.
Hyde: I think technically you're an accessory.
Eric: Which should make you happy, because you love accessories, earrings, bracelets, bangles, bows...
Jackie: Shut up!

[The gang think of ways on how to spend their Halloween. Kelso has an idea.]
Kelso: You know what would be fun? If we were in an Alfred Hitchcock movie right now, and we didn't know it. And then, someone one told us and we were all like, �Oh man! I'm in a movie!" [Hyde, Kelso, Donna, Eric, Jackie, and Fez individually give surprised looks to the camera]
Donna: Yeah, ok, I'm out of here.
Eric: Wait, but I thought we-
Donna: GET BENT!
Eric: Ok, I'll do that.

[The guys enter a bar]
Eric: All right. They didn't even check our fake IDs.
Fez: And I wasted a whole day thinking up my fake name.
Hyde: Yeah. Sorry, "Pez." Let's drink.
Bud: So, fellas, school let out early?
Kelso: Yeah. We're just....
Eric: Kelso, shut up!
Kelso: Uh, I mean, no. No, we're old. We're workers. We're all construction workers. Hey, fellas, did you see that brick today? Whoo!
Bud: Relax, guys. It's "Serve a Minor Night" at the old "Don't Have a Liquor License" Saloon [to Hyde] You look familiar. Do I know you?
Hyde: I should hope so...Dad. [Kelso, Eric, and Fez are aghast]

[while family is watching The Brady Bunch]
Eric: Hey did you see the one where Mr. Brady went insane and put bells on all the doors?
Red: Did you see the one where Greg was being a real wise ass and Mr. Brady took him outside and cleaned his clock?
Laurie: Did you see the one where I hate living here?
Hyde: That's my favorite.

My heart aches with pain. [Jackie smiles]
When I see you, I vomit. [Jackie's smile drops, looking stunned]
Die away from me.

Donna: [enjoying herself from the couch] Ouch!
Hyde: Sayonara. [goes to basement room]
Jackie: [stunned] Donna....never have 17 syllables hurt me so much. Why would he want to hurt me like that?
Donna: Because you're stalking him, Jackie.
Jackie: No, really, Donna!