[Red and Bob are investigating the wine store when a kid tries to snitch on the party]
Sleazy Kid: You know, I may have heard something about a party? Can't recall, but maybe ... Andrew Jackson could remind me?
Bob: Andrew Jackson, huh? [Counts dollar bills] He's not in, but Abe Lincoln is hanging out with the Washington twins. I suppose they have knowledge of the festivities? [Red suddenly grabs the money]
Red: So, a real wiseguy, huh. Well, let's see how smart you are when I [gets closer to kid] SNAP OFF YOUR HEAD!
Sleazy Kid: Okay, okay, man! They said something about a ... a vacant house on Sherman.
Bob: I know that place. It's the vacant house on Sherman.
Red: Good work, Starsky. Let's roll.

[Red and Eric visit Rocky Johnson in his locker room]
Red: I wonder if you'd mind giving my son an autograph.
Manager: [cuts off Red] No, no autographs.
Red: Look, I might be the only guy in here who's actually killed a man.
Manager: Give the kid an autograph and then no more autographs.
Rocky Johnson: You know that's really nice, bringing your kid to a wrestling match. You know what, I got a son, and one day he's gonna become The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment!
Red: Yeah, well, good luck with that. Uh, wanna make that out to Red Forman.
Eric: No, no, I don't think so. It's Eric Forman, capital E-R-I-C.
Red: Yeah but see, his nickname is Red.
Eric: No, it's not.
Red: Stop kidding around, Red.

[Red berates Eric over kissing Kate]
Red: Donna's such a sweet kid. How could you do this to her?
Eric: I don't know. It's like bad things always happen to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Red: [slowly] Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you ... is because you're a dumbass. Now fix it!

[The guys are smoking in the basement]
Kelso: I went to the mall today... and I bought a pair of new shoes [pause] and they're the coolest kicks in the cave.

[The guys have been talking about women and their physical features, but whenever Red walks by, they switch to talking about the Bible.]
Kelso: Geez, if [Red]'s like this now, he's going to be a total headcase when they shut down the plant. He's just going to be this pathetic guy...
[Red walks in]
Kelso: [loudly]: ...with breasts the size of watermelons! [pauses] ...Is what Moses said to the Egyptians.
Red: Kelso, go home.