Ziva: The target's name was Abdul Wazir. A Syrian wanted for crimes against the state of Israel. Terminated by this man, Mossad Officer Namir Eschel, my former teammate when I was stationed in Paris.
Gibbs: Who's supposed to be dead.
Ziva: Apparently he's gotten better.

Ziva: Things are bad enough for NCIS as it is, Tony. You can't --
Tony: [interrupting] I don't remember asking your opinion, Officer David.
Ziva: You see? He's been completely insufferable since you left.
Gibbs: That true, Tony?
Tony: When I need to be.
Gibbs: Yeah? Maybe you were the right man for the job.

Ziva: This is going to be like looking for a needle in a needle stack
Tony: Needle in a haystack.
Ziva: I like my description better.

Ziva: This is killing me. I feel like I know him.
Tony: Mossad?
Ziva: Maybe.
Tony: Internet dating?
Ziva: I will kill you eighteen different ways with this paperclip.

Ziva: Was no secret he was writing about us.
Tony: Oh, come on, it's not about us. I mean the whole part about Lisa and her broken heart?
Ziva: And the memento she keeps from a relationship that never had a chance to happen?
Tony: Yeah. Where's he gettin' that? Or the scene between Lisa and Tommy where they pour out their hearts to each other and spill their secrets?
Ziva: When he tries to explain the profound nature of his identity crisis?
Tony: Yeah, I mean, the hidden struggle between who he is and what he's becoming? I don't even know what that is.
Ziva: Yeah, totally unrealistic.
Tony: Would never happen.
[awkward silence]

Ziva: Where are WE going?
Tony: We're not going anywhere.
Ziva: Who are you taking, McGee?

Ziva: Will you tell me her name if I find the pirate's copy of ARES?
Tony: Pirated copy.
Ziva: That's what I said.
Tony: No, you said pirate's copy. A pirate is a person like 'Captain Jack Sparrow'. A pirated copy...
Ziva: Who is 'Jack Sparrow'?
Tony: Johnny Depp.
Ziva: He's a pirate?
Tony: No, he's an actor.
Ziva: Oh.
Tony: How did we get here?
Ziva: I drove.

Ziva: You attacked the car?
Gibbs: The car tried to kill Abby!

Ziva: I know what you're doing. You're hiding behind all these jokes, and I know what you're hiding from.
Tony: Really? What's that?
Ziva: What everyone who is afraid to love hides from: getting hurt.
Tony: It's not just me that I'm worried about hurting, Ziva.
Ziva: That's because you're a good person.

Ziva: The boy saw a car leaving the scene that looked like a "Karuma." I'm not familiar with the model.
Gibbs: "Karuma" is Japanese for "car," Ziva.
Tony: Your description of the car is "car." Nice work, Officer David.
McGee: The Karuma's the name of a car in Grand Theft Auto III. It's a Chrysler Sebring Sedan.
Tony: McGeek with the save!

Ziva: [to a suspect who has grabbed her butt] Remove your hand or I will rip your arm off and beat you to death with it!

(Ducky and Palmer drive up with the car splattered with eggs)
Ziva: What happened to them?
Tony: I told you, it's Halloween.
Ducky: Sorry we're late, we had a run-in with some local youths.
Gibbs: Yeah, I can see that.
McGee: Did you get a good look at 'em?
Ducky: Oh, we did better than that. (to Palmer) Release the captives!
(Palmer slides open the door and three ninjas stumble out of the car)
Ninjas: Where are we? We said we're sorry!
Tony: Nice work, Palmer!
Palmer: Oh, it wasn't me, Tony. Dr. Mallard chased them three blocks!

(Tony, Ziva, and Carson watching Gibb's interrogation)
Tony: It's almost unfair interrogating junkies.
Ziva: It's like shooting fish in a pond.
Carson: I um�� I think you mean a barrel.
Ziva: Why would a fish be in a barrel?
Carson: Um... I, um... it's a good point. I never really thought about it before.
Ziva: Mm-hmm.
(Tony and Ziva looking at a vacation website)

[Abby and McGee are asleep at their computers. Gibbs walks in.]
Gibbs: [whispers to Abby] Your computer's on fire.
Abby: [wakes up] AHH! McGee! My baby's french-frying! [starts typing furiously]
McGee: [wakes and starts typing] Checking internal core temperature!
[after a few seconds, Abby turns around]
Abby: That is so not funny, Gibbs!

[Gibbs and Mann kiss in her bedroom.]
Lt. Col. Mann: Before we do this, I just need to know one thing. How did you get the damn boat out of your basement?