NCIS quotes
1049 total quotesAll Seasons
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Tony: So you stayed at Ab's last night, huh? You guys sleep in the same room?
Ziva: It is a one-bedroom apartment.
Tony: One bedroom, one bed? One coffin?
Ziva: You want the truth?
Tony: Yeah, [as Jack Nicholson] I think I can handle the truth.
Ziva: My building was being fumigated and Abby was kind enough to let me stay over... on the couch... in my pajamas.
Tony: Come on, work with me! Couldn't you lie just a little bit?
Ziva: It is a one-bedroom apartment.
Tony: One bedroom, one bed? One coffin?
Ziva: You want the truth?
Tony: Yeah, [as Jack Nicholson] I think I can handle the truth.
Ziva: My building was being fumigated and Abby was kind enough to let me stay over... on the couch... in my pajamas.
Tony: Come on, work with me! Couldn't you lie just a little bit?
Tony: So, tell me doc. What have I got?
Dr. Pitt: [sighs] Pneumonic Plague.
Tony: Plague? [chuckles] Plague..
Kate: That's right Tony. Plague. 'Cause only you would go off and get a disease from the Dark Ages.
Tony: I didn't put plague in the letter.
Kate: You opened it!
Tony: Yeah. So I opened it. What are you so upset about? It's not like you're lying... [realizes]
Kate: Yeah. That's right,Travolta. I'm infected too.
Tony: [sincere] Oh Kate, I'm sorry.
Kate: Well you're going to be sorrier.
Tony: [all serious] No. Don't tell me Gibbs got it.
Dr. Pitt: [sighs] Pneumonic Plague.
Tony: Plague? [chuckles] Plague..
Kate: That's right Tony. Plague. 'Cause only you would go off and get a disease from the Dark Ages.
Tony: I didn't put plague in the letter.
Kate: You opened it!
Tony: Yeah. So I opened it. What are you so upset about? It's not like you're lying... [realizes]
Kate: Yeah. That's right,Travolta. I'm infected too.
Tony: [sincere] Oh Kate, I'm sorry.
Kate: Well you're going to be sorrier.
Tony: [all serious] No. Don't tell me Gibbs got it.
Tony: Soldier of fortune's about to become a soldier of misfortune.
Ziva: Dogs of war about to taste the hair of the dogs.
Ziva: Dogs of war about to taste the hair of the dogs.
Tony: Someone's setting me up.
Gibbs: Two surgically removed legs dumped into a training area? Do ya think?
Tony: Yeah. I was... trying to think of arrestees with grudges.
Ziva: Wouldn't they all have grudges?
Tony: You see my dilemma.
McGee: [reading over Tony's shoulder] Mike Macaluso?
Gibbs: He's a Mafia boss DiNozzo busted in Baltimore.
Tony: They get a little touchy when they think of you as family and you turn out to be a cop.
Abby: What about that forensics dweeb that you got fired?
Tony: I didn't arrest him, Abby.
Abby: Yeah, but you really, really, really pissed him off.
Gibbs: Two surgically removed legs dumped into a training area? Do ya think?
Tony: Yeah. I was... trying to think of arrestees with grudges.
Ziva: Wouldn't they all have grudges?
Tony: You see my dilemma.
McGee: [reading over Tony's shoulder] Mike Macaluso?
Gibbs: He's a Mafia boss DiNozzo busted in Baltimore.
Tony: They get a little touchy when they think of you as family and you turn out to be a cop.
Abby: What about that forensics dweeb that you got fired?
Tony: I didn't arrest him, Abby.
Abby: Yeah, but you really, really, really pissed him off.
Tony: That was quick.
Gibbs: You solved this case? Already, DiNozzo?
Tony: No. It's my hundredth body. Hey, listen. [handing Gibbs the camera] You wouldn't mind taking a...? Sorry. It's a bad idea. It seemed less disgusting in my head.
Ziva: Compared to what else is in there, I'm sure it was.
Gibbs: You solved this case? Already, DiNozzo?
Tony: No. It's my hundredth body. Hey, listen. [handing Gibbs the camera] You wouldn't mind taking a...? Sorry. It's a bad idea. It seemed less disgusting in my head.
Ziva: Compared to what else is in there, I'm sure it was.
Tony: That wasn't the way it looked, boss.
Gibbs: I know. I know.
Tony: The director kinda suckered me into that deal.
Gibbs: Ziva caved first.
Ziva: I didn't cave in! I was trying --
Gibbs: McGee next.
McGee: It wasn't --
Gibbs: And my loyal St. Bernard held out until last.
Tony: Well I --
Gibbs: Probably all of 30 seconds.
Gibbs: I know. I know.
Tony: The director kinda suckered me into that deal.
Gibbs: Ziva caved first.
Ziva: I didn't cave in! I was trying --
Gibbs: McGee next.
McGee: It wasn't --
Gibbs: And my loyal St. Bernard held out until last.
Tony: Well I --
Gibbs: Probably all of 30 seconds.
Tony: That's a first.
McGee: He called me "Tim."
Tony: Patted my back.
McGee: It was kind of nice.
Tony: Nice? I don't want nice! It's not Gibbs if he's nice!
McGee: He called me "Tim."
Tony: Patted my back.
McGee: It was kind of nice.
Tony: Nice? I don't want nice! It's not Gibbs if he's nice!
Tony: That's kinda touching, Gibbs, remembering the day you hired me.
Gibbs: Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gibbs: Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tony: The eyes need to be bigger.
Kate: The eyes are fine, the nose needs to be bigger.
Tony: Fine, I'll put out an APB for Pinocchio.
Gibbs: Welcome to my world, Abby.
Kate: The eyes are fine, the nose needs to be bigger.
Tony: Fine, I'll put out an APB for Pinocchio.
Gibbs: Welcome to my world, Abby.
Tony: The golf clubs belonged to his RIO, Lt. Lynch.
Kate: RIO?
Tony: Radar Intercept Officer. Also called a GIBs, one B - short for guy in back.
Kate: [to Gibbs] What do you need two B's for?
Gibbs: Second one's for bastard.
Kate: RIO?
Tony: Radar Intercept Officer. Also called a GIBs, one B - short for guy in back.
Kate: [to Gibbs] What do you need two B's for?
Gibbs: Second one's for bastard.
Tony: There is nothing lucky about waking up at your own autopsy Probie.
McGee: Well... at least you know you're not dead.
McGee: Well... at least you know you're not dead.
Tony: There is only one thing you need to know about Officer David.
Lee: Don't make her mad.
Tony: So, technically, really, there are two things. And the other one is, she can take care of herself.
Lee: Don't make her mad.
Tony: So, technically, really, there are two things. And the other one is, she can take care of herself.
Tony: This isn't about orientation. It's about image.
Ziva: So your image is homo-pubic?
Tony: Homo-phobic.
Ziva: So your image is homo-pubic?
Tony: Homo-phobic.
Tony: This kid wanted to be a paramedic - Sgt. Alvarez told him the Marine Corps would "train him to save lives."
Kate: What's wrong with that?
Gibbs: The Marine Corps doesn't have medical personnel.
Tony: They're all Navy.
Gibbs: Technically it is true, Marines do save lives. Mostly through the use of superior firepower.
Kate: What's wrong with that?
Gibbs: The Marine Corps doesn't have medical personnel.
Tony: They're all Navy.
Gibbs: Technically it is true, Marines do save lives. Mostly through the use of superior firepower.