Tony: Tony DiNozzo. Italian, gigolo, furniture mover.

Tony: We gotta do something, boss.
Gibbs: Have you ever made a mistake, Tony?
Tony: According to you or me?
Gibbs: You.
Tony: Yeah.
Gibbs: Could anyone make you feel better?
Tony: No.

Tony: Well that gives you a warm fuzzy feeling doesn't it?
Gerald: What?
Tony: That Gibbs trusts us with a contaminated crime scene.

Tony: Well, that's nice. You know what's even nicer? My current view [looks down Paula's blouse] Victoria's Secret? Agent Cassidy.
Paula: Well you enjoy it as long as you can Agent DiNozzo [Gibbs walks up behind her and Tony sees him and shys away] Cuz that's as close as you're gonna get.
Gibbs: Agent Cassidy. Go see how many victims Abby id'd from the scrapbook
[Paula leaves]
Tony: I'll go help her. [gets up]
Gibbs: Wait.
[Paula enters the elavator, the door closes and Gibbs headslaps Tony]
Tony: What was that for?!
Gibbs: Letting her get to you!
Tony: Boss, I was not letting her get to- It won't happen again.

Tony: Well, well. Look who's finally here.
Ziva: Oh, like you've never been late, left early, or gone mysteriously missing.
Tony: Oh no, that's my point exactly. Tardiness is my middle name. In fact, it's expected of me. You, on the other hand, have become the poster girl for punctuality.

Tony: Well, what's wrong, other than the Hamas guy?
Gibbs: The Hamas guy! You know: the terrorist, the bastard, the ass! We call him everything but his name. You know why that is?
Tony: Because we don't know his name?
Gibbs: Because you're not working a hot case. I want his name! I want it today! And don't tell me it's Moby Dick!

Tony: What are you doing?
Ziva: I'm checking into Locke's missing girlfriend. You?
Tony: Same.
Ziva: What? Why?
[...]
Tony: Checking her medical records.
Ziva: Why? Do you think she's been lying in some hospital unable to communicate?
Tony: No, I think she's been lying in a shallow grave unable to communicate.
Ziva: Medical records are privileged information. You need a subpoena.
Tony: Not if you have an IOU from a county clerk with a very expressive poker face.

Tony: What do your... astute ninja Mossad senses tell you?

Tony: What were you having feelings about? You just said you were having feelings.
Ziva: I said that I have feelings, not that I am having feelings.
McGee: That is a pretty sophisticated grammatical differentiation.
Tony: Don't change the subject with your big words, McNerd. Ziva says she had a feeling. Tell us about this feeling. What was this feeling?
Ziva: I felt... overwhelmed. Temporarily. Which does not often happen to me. When we were wrestling with Werth.
[Tony and McGee look at each other]
Ziva: What? What is this look?
Tony: Nothing. [Ziva goes back to working, Tony and McGee smile] You like him.
Ziva: He was powerful.
McGee: You really like him
Ziva: No I am saying he is stronger than any man I have encountered. But strength should not decide a battle. There is a weapon for every fight.
McGee: You itchin' for a rematch?
Tony: Wanna roll around on the ground with him some more?
Ziva: I am trying to describe something -- complicated.
Tony: It's not complicated, Ziva. It's Conan.
McGee: To her Red Sonja.
Tony: Nice.
Ziva: It only lasted a moment.
Tony: You had a moment. A moment and a feeling. And a smack to the head, broken nose, dislocated shoulder. It's been a banner day.
Gibbs: Easy on the painkillers, DiNozzo.

Tony: What's going on here?
McGee: Don't know. Don't care. None of my business DiNosey.
Ziva: You are such a control geek.
Tony: Freak.
Ziva: Yes, that too.

Tony: What's up Abbs?
Abby: Something's...
Tony: Hinky?

Tony: What's your chute number?
Marine: Four.
Tony: Four's unlucky in China.
Gibbs: We're not in China.

Tony: What?
Ziva: You seem, um... different.
Tony: Taller? Hotter?
Ziva: Older.
Tony: Well, it's been over four months.
Ziva: You still beating yourself up over Jenny?
Tony: Not as much as I used to.
Ziva: Drinking?
Tony: Not as much as I used to.
[Ziva touches his shoulder]
Ziva: You could have called.

Tony: Where the hell are you? Fornell's here with a warrant for your arrest.
Gibbs: Well, good thing I'm not there then.

Tony: Who do you think is prettier? Ex-wife number three, or future ex-wife number four?
Ziva: Colonel Mann is at a disadvantage because of her uniform. [pause] Tell me you're not trying to imagine her without the uniform, Tony!