NCIS quotes

1049 total quotes



All Seasons
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Tony: My name's Anthony. My friends call me Tony which, spelled backwards, is "Y-not."

Tony: Next thing you know, you'll be wearing clogs in bubble baths.
McGee: What is wrong with bubble baths?

Tony: Nice girl, wasn't my type though.
Ziva: Really? She was breathing.
Tony: Oh, I have standards, Ziva, otherwise I'd be dating you.

Tony: No boss, you don't understand. I love Puerto Rico.
Kate: Been there a lot?
Tony: [excited at the beginning...trailing off at the end] No that's just it, I've never been there... I mean I'm so wanting to go. Ever since I was a kid I was just...so wanting...sorry...I just always...
Gibbs: [deadpan] Wanted to be there.
Tony: Yeah.

Tony: Normally I hate priority rides, but who cares if it's going to...
Gibbs: What's wrong with priority rides?
Tony: C'mon boss. You tellin' me you like sitting on canvas seats slung between cargo pallets?
Gibbs: Yeah, it makes me feel like I'm back in the Corps.
[Later]
Tony: [laughs, while on a Gulfstream Aircraft] I love priority rides. Boss, this is the best.
Gibbs: I miss canvas seats.

Tony: Nothing says welcome to manhood as perfectly as a skillful lapdance.

Tony: Paris. That's when it must have happened.
Ziva: The two of them alone in another world.
Tony: Putting their lives in each other's hands every day.
Ziva: Not to mention the long nights.
Tony: It was inevitable.
Ziva: Nothing is inevitable.

Tony: Remember the good ol' days, Kate?
Kate: What good old days?
Tony: When Gibbs would confide in us and treat us like peers.
Kate: (incredulously) No.
Tony: Good. I thought it was just me.

Tony: She asked you out? You?!
McGee: Trust me, I'm just as surprised as you are.
Tony: Trust me, you're not.

Tony: She died alone.
Ziva: We are all alone.
Tony: Yeah, thanks for that.

Tony: She doesn't want us involved. If there's one thing I learned about the Director's private wars, it's that it's best to stay away -- for her and for us! She's a big girl, she can take care of herself. Besides, it's probably a coincidence anyway, and she's behind one of those expensive windows munching on over-priced cashews courtesy of Mr. Out-of-Town.

Tony: She sleeps with a gun under her pillow, boss.
Gibbs: That true?
Kate: Maybe... sometimes... yes.
Gibbs: Good girl!

Tony: Shouldn't he be awake by now?
Jenny: You know Gibbs. He keeps his own schedule. Do you know what REM is?
Tony: Sure. Rapid Eye Movement. It happens when you're asleep and dreaming.
Jenny: That's what it looks like he's doing now.
Tony: Oh well, that's gotta be a good sign right?
Jenny: If it isn't a nightmare.

Tony: Slam dunk. We're going out next weekend. Yeah!
Ziva: That's not bad, Tony. Landis asked me out tonight. I said 'no'. I don't want him to think I'm sleazy.
Tony: That term is "easy."
Ziva: What's the difference?
Tony: Mostly the makeup.

Tony: So what's up with El Jefe? Yesterday he leaves the crime scene with no explanation. Today he knew the Admiral had a problem with the victim. Where'd he get that?
McGee: Maybe he's bluffing.
Tony: Uh-uh. It was on the nose.
Ziva: Whose nose?
Tony: On the money. Bullseye. Right as rain. You were doing better before you went back to Israel. You've reverted.