NCIS quotes
1049 total quotesAll Seasons
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Tony: Is this hacking, McGee? Are we hacking?
McGee: We are not hacking, Tony.
Tony: But it is illegal, right? Don't answer that. I know it's illegal. I'm having fun.
McGee: We are not hacking, Tony.
Tony: But it is illegal, right? Don't answer that. I know it's illegal. I'm having fun.
Tony: It's like when you bring a date home you want them to like you. You don't introduce them to your weird uncle Jethro till like the fifth date!
Gibbs: Since when are you an expert on fifth dates. DiNozzo?
Tony: You are very right, boss.
Gibbs: Since when are you an expert on fifth dates. DiNozzo?
Tony: You are very right, boss.
Tony: Just want to let you know that Special Agent Caitlin Todd is out looking for your mom.
Kody: Don't come back until you find her. I... I won't tell you again.
Tony: All right. I'm going.
Marine: How are you going to tell Gibbs the kid's mom is dead?
Tony: [grimly] I already did. Special Agent Todd is dead.
Kody: Don't come back until you find her. I... I won't tell you again.
Tony: All right. I'm going.
Marine: How are you going to tell Gibbs the kid's mom is dead?
Tony: [grimly] I already did. Special Agent Todd is dead.
Tony: Kaplan is the only one who can identify Evans's killer.
Ziva: And he overdoses.
Tony: Hell of a coinky-dink.
Ziva: What's a kwinkadink?
Tony: Coincidence.
Ziva: You believe this is a dwinkakwink?
Tony: Sarcasm, Ziva; you're back in America, flip the switch.
Ziva: And he overdoses.
Tony: Hell of a coinky-dink.
Ziva: What's a kwinkadink?
Tony: Coincidence.
Ziva: You believe this is a dwinkakwink?
Tony: Sarcasm, Ziva; you're back in America, flip the switch.
Tony: Kate, Kate?
Motorcycle Rider: Who's Kate?
Tony: My dog. She must have run away after the crash.
Motorcycle Rider: What does she look like?
Tony: A Shih-Tzu.
Motorcycle Rider: A what?
Tony: Long brown hair, kinda mangy?
Motorcycle Rider: Who's Kate?
Tony: My dog. She must have run away after the crash.
Motorcycle Rider: What does she look like?
Tony: A Shih-Tzu.
Motorcycle Rider: A what?
Tony: Long brown hair, kinda mangy?
Tony: Let me guess, you never inhaled.
McGee: I inhaled.
Tony: Yeah?
McGee: Once. A little bit.
Tony: How was it?
McGee: Didn't like it.
Kate: You didn't like it?
McGee: No...
Tony and Kate: He didn't inhale.
McGee: I inhaled.
Tony: Yeah?
McGee: Once. A little bit.
Tony: How was it?
McGee: Didn't like it.
Kate: You didn't like it?
McGee: No...
Tony and Kate: He didn't inhale.
Tony: Like my father always said: "Be careful who you marry, Anthony, she may end up being a homicidal maniac."
McGee: Your father actually said that to you?
Tony: No, but I'm pretty sure he thought it.
Ziva: Probably he knew your taste in women.
McGee: Your father actually said that to you?
Tony: No, but I'm pretty sure he thought it.
Ziva: Probably he knew your taste in women.
Tony: Listen kid, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you're not exactly Abby's type.
McGee: I've taken care of that. Remember that urge you were talking about?
Tony: [nods]
McGee: I went with Mom.
Tony: [stands there in shock, realizing McGee just got a tattoo on his butt to impress Abby]
[Later]
Kate: I wonder what he said to make Tony speechless?
Gibbs: He told him he got a tat on his ass.
Kate: [Gapes at the elevator McGee just entered]
McGee: I've taken care of that. Remember that urge you were talking about?
Tony: [nods]
McGee: I went with Mom.
Tony: [stands there in shock, realizing McGee just got a tattoo on his butt to impress Abby]
[Later]
Kate: I wonder what he said to make Tony speechless?
Gibbs: He told him he got a tat on his ass.
Kate: [Gapes at the elevator McGee just entered]
Tony: Look, everybody enjoys a good book, but don't you ever have the urge to just act a little...
Ziva: Childish?
Tony: Silly. Stupid. Brainless.
Ziva: Like you?
Tony: Exactly.
Ziva: Tony, you and I come from two totally different places. In my world, you grow up. Fast. You have no choice.
Tony: Now you do.
Ziva: Childish?
Tony: Silly. Stupid. Brainless.
Ziva: Like you?
Tony: Exactly.
Ziva: Tony, you and I come from two totally different places. In my world, you grow up. Fast. You have no choice.
Tony: Now you do.
Tony: Looks like this guy's a couple puppies short of a pet shop!
Ziva: Most suicide bombers are.
Ziva: Most suicide bombers are.
Tony: Looks like we're going to play Gibbs' favorite game...
Abby: Ooo! Musical interrogation rooms!
Abby: Ooo! Musical interrogation rooms!
Tony: Maybe being a cop isn't for me. [Gibbs smacks Tony on the head, to his surprise] Did you just physically assault me?
Gibbs: I don't have a lot of rules, but rule number five is 'you don't waste good.' You're good.
Tony: You gonna make a habit of that?
Gibbs: I don't have a lot of rules, but rule number five is 'you don't waste good.' You're good.
Tony: You gonna make a habit of that?
Tony: McGee, do you have any idea what world of pain these kids will be in when their dads get home? You ever see The Great Santini?
McGee: Don't need to see it - I lived it.
McGee: Don't need to see it - I lived it.
Tony: My gut tells me we're missing something.
Ziva: Gibbs?
Tony: Yeah. Gibbs.
Ziva: Gibbs?
Tony: Yeah. Gibbs.