Phoebe: That is brand new information!!

Phoebe: Well, if you're gonna get to know him then you'd better do it now.
Joey: Why?
Phoebe: Because I'm gonna kill him.
Joey: What? Why?
Phoebe: You guys were right, Parker's too excited about everything. I mean I'm all for living, but come on, this is the Geller's 35th wedding anniversary, let's call a spade a spade, this party stinks!
Joey: I know, I'm having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet, then when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger!
Phoebe: Really? Are you sure it wasn't an oyster?
Joey: I dunno, I guess it could've been. I didn't really look at it. I just wiped it on Chandler's coat and got the hell outta there.

Phoebe: Well, the interview...
Chandler: What about it?
Phoebe: Y'know! You don't make a very good first impression.
Chandler: [shocked] What?!
Phoebe: Oh you don't know.
Chandler: Are you serious?!
Phoebe: Yes, when I first met you, you were like, "Blah, blah, blah." I was like, shhh!
Chandler: What is it that I do?
Phoebe: Well it's just like you're trying too hard. Always making jokes, y'know, you just--You come off a little needy.
Chandler: [To Rachel] Did you like me when we first met?
Rachel: Chandler, I'm not gonna lie to ya, but I am gonna run away from you. [Gets up and hurries out]

Phoebe: I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun Bar Mitzvah. 

Rachel: Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why I'm not drinking on this date tonight: I'm a recovering alcoholic, I'm a Mormon, Or I got so hammered last night I'm still a little drunk?

Rachel: How about James?
Ross: Oh, I like James.
Rachel: ...for a girl.
Ross: Veto!
Phoebe: Is it me...? Or its just that Veto is starting to sound really good...

Rachel: How about: for a girl, Rain?
Ross: Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat."
Phoebe: I know her!

Rachel: How may centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Dr. Long: Three.
Ross: Just three? I'm dilated three!

Rachel: I got TiVo!
Dr. Green: What's TiVo?
Phoebe: It's slang for pregnant.

Rachel: Monica, we need more candy.
Monica: What? There's only been like 4 kids!
Rachel: Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.
Phoebe: No wonder you're pregnant.

Rachel: Okay, in about ten seconds, you're gonna see him kiss me.
Ross: And in about five seconds, you're gonna see why.
Rachel: [on video] Ross, did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
[The other four are shocked, especially Joey]
Rachel: Okay, get ready to see some begging.
Phoebe: Oh, you came on to Ross.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Now I'm so happy.
Rachel: What are you talking about?
Monica: You used the Europe story.
Chandler: That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex!
Rachel: How do you know about that story?!
Joey: How do you know about that story?!
Rachel: I heard it from my friend Irene, who heard it from some guy.
Joey: [raising hand] Some guy!
Rachel: No, no. She told that his name was Ken Adams.
Joey: [again] Ken Adams!

Rachel: Seriously, Ross, breathe louder, that's great.
Ross: Y'know, We should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half-human, half-pure evil!

Rachel: Stupid metric system!

Rachel: Will you guys stop? Giving birth is one of the most..[Sees the video and screams]... Oh my... why is that child torturing that lady???

Ross: Mona, I love you.
Mona: Awwh! And I love spending time with you!