Ross: Monica's pregnant!
Joey: Oh, my...! Is that why you guys had to get married?
Monica: Guys! I'm not pregnant.
Joey: Ah. [To Chandler] Slow swimmers?

Ross: I'm kind of going through a dry spell, sex wise...
Joey: oh, for like , months ?
Ross: Five to be.. Lying.. Six...
Joey: Six ? That's rough..
Ross: It's not all bad, I'm learning to appreciate the small things like the sound of a bird and like the colour of the sky .
Joey: The sky's blue, Ross, and I had sex last night...

Ross: Look, I have a son. And his mother and I didn't live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Mrs. Green: That's true. You do have another child.
Ross: Yeah.
Mrs. Green: With another woman. Have you no control Ross?

Ross: Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!

Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married.
Rachel: Why? Because that's your answer to everything?
Ross: Come on, I mean, you don't even like eating alone. How are you gonna raise a baby on your own?
Rachel: I DO SO eat alone!
Ross: When?
Rachel: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!
Ross: I don't know why you don't just admit it.
Rachel: Oh, please! You inhale your food!
Ross: I grew up with Monica! You didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!

Ross: What about "Ruth"?
Rachel: I'm sorry. Are we having an 89-year-old?

Trudie Styler: Look, I've just pressed a button triggering a silent alarm. Any minute now, the police will be here.
Phoebe: The Police, here? A reunion?

[Chandler and Ross looking for camera's, Ross walks over to table]
Ross: Did you find them yet?
[Chandler pops out from under the table]
Chandler: [sarcastically] Yeah, that's why I'm under here, celebrating.

[Cliff's cast is itchy. Phoebe gets a spoon to scratch it.]
Cliff: Wow. I usually get to know a girl better before I let her spoon me.
Phoebe: Relax, it's not like we're forking.

[Everyone is watching Joey finish off the turkey.]
Joey: Well, that's it. I'm done. Whew! [wipes his forehead] There come the meat sweats. [Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.]
Monica: Well, Joey, we're all... we're all very proud of you.
Chandler: Yes, I believe we can expect a call from the President any moment now.
Phoebe: Is there anything we can do for you?
Joey: No, just nobody press on my stomach.
Rachel: You can keep those pants, by the way.
[Joey notices that Monica has a pie.]
Joey: Whoa--hey--wh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?
Monica: Yeah. You want some?
Joey: Ah, just cut me a little sliver.
[Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.]
Joey: A little bigger.
[Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.]
Joey: Little bigger.
[Monica moves the knife again.]
Joey: What? Are you afraid you're gonna run out? Cut me a real piece!

[Joey is reluctant to do another Soap Opera Digest interview because the previous one got him fired.]
Joey: Who knows what I might say this time?
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say!
Joey: Fine, all right, I'll do it. But, hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I, you know, start to say something stupid!
Ross: Just then, or -- or all the time, 'cause... we have jobs, you know.

[Phoebe plays Ms. Pacman, her wedding gift to Monica and Chandler.]
Monica: Oh, my, Phoebe, you are on fire!
Phoebe: I know!
Chandler: One more score to go. You can do it! [touches Phoebe's shoulder]
Phoebe: Don't touch me.
Monica: [To Chandler] Don't touch her!
Chandler: All right. Go left, go left, go right, go right!
Phoebe: I can't, I can't [she loses] No! You son of a bi-!
[Ben comes in with Ross. Epic music swells, drowning out Phoebe's 90-second curse-rant]
Ross: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Oh, hi, Ben. No, don't look at the machine!

[Rachel and Phoebe are checking out of a hotel.]
Rachel: Listen -- y'know what, sir? For the last time, I don't care what the computer says. We did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!
Joey: [arriving] Hey!
Phoebe: Oh! Joey, were you in our room last night?
Joey: No. [Phoebe gives the bill to Joey. Joey turns to the concierge.] I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!

[Rachel is giving birth]
Monica: I can't believe this is taking so long. How're you doing?
Rachel: Not bad. You know that feeling where you try to blow a St. Bernard out your ass?
Ross: And soon someone will call her "Mom."

[Rachel is giving birth]
Ross: Let's go - one more time - one final push. Ready? 1... 2... 3!
[Rachel pushes really hard and jerks her head forward hitting Ross in the head. He falls down]
Ross: Keep pushing!
Rachel: Are you okay?
Ross:[Slowly getting up] You have no idea how much this hurts!
[Rachel and Dr. Long stare at him]
Ross: Keep going! Keep going!
Season 9