Chandler: All right, check out this bad boy. Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
Phoebe: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
Chandler: Games and stuff.

Chandler: Hey, some girl just walked up to me and said, "I want you, Dennis," and stuck her tongue down my throat. I love this party.
Joey: Quick volleyball question.
Chandler: Volleyball?
Joey: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you?
Chandler: Joey, a woman just stuck her tongue down my throat. I'm not even listening to you.

Chandler: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. "Oh, no! Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"

Chandler: Richard's really nice and everything. Uh... It's just that we don't know him really well, you know, and plus, he's, you know... old--
[Monica glares at Chandler.]
Chandler: --er than some people. But, uh, younger... than some buildings!

Chandler: Yo, paisan. Can I talk to you for a second?
Joey: Sure.
Chandler: Your tailor...is a very bad man!
Joey: Frankie? What are you talking about?
[Ross comes near]
Ross: What's up guys?
Chandler: Joey's tailor [Pauses for a moment] took advantage of me.
Ross: WHAT??
Joey: Frank? No No. I have been going to the man for like 12 years.
Chandler: He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then there was definite...
Joey: What?
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants. First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Ross: Yes yes, it is...IN PRISON!! What's the matter with you?!

Chandler: [about Joey's ceramic dog] So is he trained, or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the floor? Whoa-stay! Stay! Good fake dog.

Chandler:[To Monica] Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.

Eddie [thinking what he's saying is a joke] I had this girlfriend, Tilly, and one morning we went to a restaurant and we got a huge stack of pancakes, and she says "Eddie," and I say "What," and she says "I don't think we should see each other anymore," and I immediately felt like she had torn out my heart and spread it all over my life. I feel like I'm going down a dark abyss and I'm fallin' and I'm fallin' and I'm fallin' and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop! [laughs, Chandler looks at him funny] That wasn't such a funny story, was it?

Eddie: Fine! I'll go live in my brother's basement! And when he finds out I'm there, I'll go live somewhere else!

Joey [To Ross]: Haven't you ever gotten beat up before?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: I mean, by someone besides Monica.
Ross: No.

Joey: Hey, Gunther. Let me get a lemonade to go.
Gunther: Lemonade? You okay, man?

Joey: I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women.

Joey: My agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!
Phoebe: Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme.
Chandler: Hey, yeah, we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia.

Joey: [as repossesors are taking away his expensive stuff] Careful with that 3-D "Last Supper". Judas is a little loose.

Monica: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. You wanna work out? I can remake you.
Chandler: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying-around time.