Friends quotes
613 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2
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[During Rachel's phone call, Ross loudly grinds pepper. Then his picnic basket catches fire from a candle.]
Rachel: Excuse me -- I'm sorry, I'm going to have to call you back. I've got Shemp in my office.
Rachel: Excuse me -- I'm sorry, I'm going to have to call you back. I've got Shemp in my office.
[Joey and Ross are trying to talk Frank Jr. out of marrying his teacher Alice.]
Joey: You're 18, she's 44. When you're 36, she's going to be 88!
Joey: You're 18, she's 44. When you're 36, she's going to be 88!
[Joey can't believe Chandler is dating Janice again.]
Joey: Look, what do you want me to say?
Chandler: I want you to say that you like her!
Joey: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna... pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her.
Chandler: Thanks for trying. Oh, and by the way, there is no "Count Rushmore"!
Joey: Oh, yeah? Then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain?
Joey: Look, what do you want me to say?
Chandler: I want you to say that you like her!
Joey: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna... pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her.
Chandler: Thanks for trying. Oh, and by the way, there is no "Count Rushmore"!
Joey: Oh, yeah? Then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain?
[Kate and Joey are discussing Kate's boyfriend, Marshall]
Kate: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater you're dating. [Points to Lauren, Kate's understudy and Joey's current girlfriend.]
Joey: It's not the sweater. It's what's underneath the sweater that counts.
Kate: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater you're dating. [Points to Lauren, Kate's understudy and Joey's current girlfriend.]
Joey: It's not the sweater. It's what's underneath the sweater that counts.
[Leslie finishes a song and everybody claps.]
Phoebe: See, see, everyone else is happy she's done.
Leslie: Okay, my next song's called:
Phoebe: See, see, everyone else is happy she's done.
Leslie: Okay, my next song's called:
[Monica and Phoebe are on a double date with UN Diplomat Sergei and his translator.]
Monica: I speak a little French too. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
[The translator shrugs and blushes.]
Monica: What did I say?
Translator: You just asked me whether I wanted to go to bed with you tonight!
Monica: I speak a little French too. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
[The translator shrugs and blushes.]
Monica: What did I say?
Translator: You just asked me whether I wanted to go to bed with you tonight!
[Monica is returning a video.]
Clerk: Six dollars, please.
Monica: Six? I just had it for one night. It's three.
Clerk: Eight o'clock is the cut-off and -- aww, it's 8:02.
Monica: You know, in a weird way, you have too much power.
Clerk: Six dollars, please.
Monica: Six? I just had it for one night. It's three.
Clerk: Eight o'clock is the cut-off and -- aww, it's 8:02.
Monica: You know, in a weird way, you have too much power.
[Monica, not yet dressed for Ross's event, arrives shortly before they need to leave.]
Ross: It starts at eight. We can't be late.
Phoebe: We could not, would not, want to wait!
Ross: It starts at eight. We can't be late.
Phoebe: We could not, would not, want to wait!
[Phoebe plays with a toy dinosaur while making barking sounds.]
Ross: Uh, Phoebe, while we're on the subject, dinosaurs don't go "Ruff!"
Phoebe: The little ones do.
Ross: Uh, Phoebe, while we're on the subject, dinosaurs don't go "Ruff!"
Phoebe: The little ones do.
[Thanks to a comment by Chandler earlier, Ross is picturing his mother when Rachel dresses up in her Princess Leia costume]
Ross: I hate Chandler. The bastard ruined my life.
Ross: I hate Chandler. The bastard ruined my life.
[The gang decides to play touch football.]
Joey: All right! We have to pick captains.
Chandler: And then Tennilles.
Joey: All right! We have to pick captains.
Chandler: And then Tennilles.
[While Chandler naps against the wall in his room, Joey is drilling though the wall. As he drills, the drill bit comes though the wall right next to Chandler, who slams the door at Joey.]
Joey: Oh! Uh, sorry, did I get ya?
Chandler: NO, YOU DIDN'T GET ME!! IT'S AN ELECTRIC DRILL! YOU GET ME, YOU KILL ME!
Joey: Oh! Uh, sorry, did I get ya?
Chandler: NO, YOU DIDN'T GET ME!! IT'S AN ELECTRIC DRILL! YOU GET ME, YOU KILL ME!
Jingle Bitch screwed me over!
Go to hell, Jingle Whore!
Go to hell, go to hell,
Go to hell...
Go to hell, Jingle Whore!
Go to hell, go to hell,
Go to hell...
Phoebe Buffay, what can I say?
I really love when we were singing partners
And I shouldn't have left you that way.
Phoebe: Oh, no: one of those look-for-the-hidden-meaning songs.
I really love when we were singing partners
And I shouldn't have left you that way.
Phoebe: Oh, no: one of those look-for-the-hidden-meaning songs.