Friends quotes
613 total quotesAll Seasons
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Ross: [talks to his unborn baby] And everyone's telling me, "You gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major." So on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills any more!
Ross: [To Susan] It's because of you we are stuck here.
Phoebe:Hi I am Ben. Ben to the rescue.
Phoebe:Hi I am Ben. Ben to the rescue.
Samantha: Do you know anything about fixing radiators?
Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?
Samantha: Of course.
Joey: Oh. Then no.
Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?
Samantha: Of course.
Joey: Oh. Then no.
Stoned guy: Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic!
Monica: Oh, gosh, I'm so glad you like them.
Stoned guy: Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of 'em!
Monica: Oh... well, um... [chuckles] there's all there is of these. But, in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.
Stoned guy: Tartlets? Tarlets? Tarlets? Word has lost all meaning.
Monica: Oh, gosh, I'm so glad you like them.
Stoned guy: Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of 'em!
Monica: Oh... well, um... [chuckles] there's all there is of these. But, in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.
Stoned guy: Tartlets? Tarlets? Tarlets? Word has lost all meaning.
[At the Lamaze class, mother-to-be Carol panics after seeing a videotaped birth.]
Ross: Everything's going to be all right.
Carol: What do you know?! No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi! Is that your nostril? Mind if we push this POT ROAST THROUGH IT?"
Ross: Everything's going to be all right.
Carol: What do you know?! No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi! Is that your nostril? Mind if we push this POT ROAST THROUGH IT?"
[Chandler and Phoebe both get ready to break up with their significant others.]
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
[Joey tells the group about his participation in a fertility study.]
Joey: I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey -- but at the end of two weeks, I get 700 dollars!
Phoebe: Wow! Ooh, you're going to be making money hand-over-fist!
Joey: I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey -- but at the end of two weeks, I get 700 dollars!
Phoebe: Wow! Ooh, you're going to be making money hand-over-fist!
[Phoebe finds something in her can of soda.]
Ross: A thumb?
Joey: Ewwww!
Phoebe: I know, I know. I opened it up, and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker.
Chandler: Maybe it's a contest, you know, like, "collect all five."
Ross: A thumb?
Joey: Ewwww!
Phoebe: I know, I know. I opened it up, and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker.
Chandler: Maybe it's a contest, you know, like, "collect all five."
[Rachel hands out copies of her steamy romance novel draft to the gang.]
Rachel: Oh, and -- and on page 2, he's not reaching for her heaving beasts.
Monica: What's a niffle?
Joey: You can usually find them on the heaving beasts.
Rachel: All right, all right, all right. So I'm not a great typist...
Ross: Wait! Did you get to the part about "his huge, throbbing pens"? I tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Phoebe: I just got to the part about "her public hair."
Rachel: Oh, and -- and on page 2, he's not reaching for her heaving beasts.
Monica: What's a niffle?
Joey: You can usually find them on the heaving beasts.
Rachel: All right, all right, all right. So I'm not a great typist...
Ross: Wait! Did you get to the part about "his huge, throbbing pens"? I tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Phoebe: I just got to the part about "her public hair."
[Rachel opens her first paycheck.]
Rachel: Isn't this exciting! I earned this! I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally... not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?
Rachel: Isn't this exciting! I earned this! I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally... not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?
[Ross draws his laundry detergent]
Rachel: What is that?
Ross: Ãœberweiss! It's new, it's German, it's Extra tough
Rachel: What is that?
Ross: Ãœberweiss! It's new, it's German, it's Extra tough
[Ross' grandmother woke up from being "dead" and then died.]
Mr. Geller: She may have died.
Aunt Lillian: She may have died?
Mr. Geller: We're looking into it.
Mr. Geller: She may have died.
Aunt Lillian: She may have died?
Mr. Geller: We're looking into it.
[The gang watches Joey's performance in Freud!, a local musical.]
Joey: [in a German accent]Well, Eva, we've doon some excellent work here, and I would have to say, your problem is qviiite clear.
[singing]
Joey: [in a German accent]Well, Eva, we've doon some excellent work here, and I would have to say, your problem is qviiite clear.
[singing]
All you want is a dinkle,
What you envy's a schwang,
A thing through which you can tinkle,
Or play with, or simply let hang!
What you envy's a schwang,
A thing through which you can tinkle,
Or play with, or simply let hang!
I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin'
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?
La lalala laaa la lala La lalala la la...
My mother's ashes, even her eyelashes, are resting in a little yellow jar.
And sometimes, when it's breezy, I feel a little sneezy...
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?
La lalala laaa la lala La lalala la la...
My mother's ashes, even her eyelashes, are resting in a little yellow jar.
And sometimes, when it's breezy, I feel a little sneezy...