Ross: All right, all right. We're all adults here. There's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee.
Chandler: You know, I don't see that happening.
Rachel: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat.
Chandler: Well, I'm not showing you my tat.

Ross: Carol's late. She's going into labor and still in the cab.
Rachel: Don't worry Ross. It's probably $2.00 for the first contraction and 75 cents for each additional contraction. [laughs, sees that everyone's looking at her] What? It's okay when Chandler does it?!
Chandler: You gotta pick your moments.

Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?
Joey: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.
Ross: Hey, does anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?

Ross: Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left.
Monica: Oh, no, she's out having drinks with Carl.
Ross: Oh. Hey, who's Carl?
Monica: You know that guy she met at the coffeehouse?
Ross:: No.
Phoebe: Oh, well, you see, there's this guy she met at the...
Ross: At the coffeehouse, right?
Phoebe: So you do know who he is!

Ross: I can't believe you two had sex in her dream.
Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and it was someone else's subconscious.

Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Chandler and Joey: That's nice.
Ross: No, no. With him. I'm on this field, and they... they hike me the baby. And I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is coming right at me.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross: Right, but it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us.

Ross: It's amazing, okay? You just reach in there, there's just one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right? As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler: We can? All right, I'm trying that.
Joey: You know what blows my mind? Women can see breast whenever they want, you just look down and they are there! How you get any work done is beyond me.
Phoebe: You know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things and, like, not even care.
[Long Pause]
Ross: ... Multiple Orgasms!

Ross: Oh no, no. Don't! Stop cleansing my aura.
Phoebe: But...
Ross: No. Just leave my aura alone, okay?
Phoebe: Fine... be murky.
Ross: I'll be fine. Really, you guys, I hope she'll be very happy.
Monica: No, you don't.
Ross: No, I don't! To hell with her! She left me!
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian?
Ross: No! Okay? Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know. How should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. [everyone looks at him] Did I say that out loud?

Ross: See, but I don't want to be single, okay? I just-- I just-- I just want to be married again.
[Rachel in a wedding dress enters the shop]
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars!.

Ross: Wait, what were you doing seeing her boobies?
Chandler: Look, it was an accident! It wasn't like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of doughnuts!

Ross: Wasn't it supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be... flung by now?

Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Yeah, you know, you have to take a course, otherwise they don't let you do it.

Ross: Your money is mine, Green.
Rachel: Your fly is open, Geller!

Ross: [Enters, mortified] Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Cookie?
Monica: [Explaining to others] Carol moved her stuff out today. [To Ross] Let me get you some coffee.

Ross: [talking about the baby's name] Wait a minute, why is Susan's name in it?
Susan: It's my baby, too.
Ross:Funny, I don't remember you making any sperm!