Friends quotes
613 total quotesAll Seasons
Season 1
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[The gang observes a video of a young, fat Monica getting ready for prom.]
Joey: Some girl ate Monica!
Monica: Shut up! The camera adds ten pounds!
Chandler: Oh. So how many cameras are actually on you?
Joey: Some girl ate Monica!
Monica: Shut up! The camera adds ten pounds!
Chandler: Oh. So how many cameras are actually on you?
[The gang watches Joey's performance in Freud!, a local musical.]
Joey: [in a German accent]Well, Eva, we've doon some excellent work here, and I would have to say, your problem is qviiite clear.
[singing]
Joey: [in a German accent]Well, Eva, we've doon some excellent work here, and I would have to say, your problem is qviiite clear.
[singing]
[The group struggles to move the couch up the stairs.]
Ross: Pivot. Pivot! PIVAT! PIVAAAAT!
Chandler: SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UUUUP!
Ross: Pivot. Pivot! PIVAT! PIVAAAAT!
Chandler: SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UUUUP!
[While Chandler naps against the wall in his room, Joey is drilling though the wall. As he drills, the drill bit comes though the wall right next to Chandler, who slams the door at Joey.]
Joey: Oh! Uh, sorry, did I get ya?
Chandler: NO, YOU DIDN'T GET ME!! IT'S AN ELECTRIC DRILL! YOU GET ME, YOU KILL ME!
Joey: Oh! Uh, sorry, did I get ya?
Chandler: NO, YOU DIDN'T GET ME!! IT'S AN ELECTRIC DRILL! YOU GET ME, YOU KILL ME!
[While playing Foosball]
Joey: How cool it would be, If you could watch a life size version of this ? How crazy would that be ?
Chandler: As crazy as Soccer ?
Joey: How cool it would be, If you could watch a life size version of this ? How crazy would that be ?
Chandler: As crazy as Soccer ?
[While watching Phoebe's porn video]
Joey: You sick bastards.
Rachel: It's a tattoo. That's weird, Pheebs...wait, that's Ursula! That's not Phoebe, that's Ursula!
[Joey turns to watch the tape.]
Joey: Wait! Wait! Then I can watch that. Rewind it! Rewind it!
[Phoebe arrives.]
Phoebe: Hey, what's up? Oh, my...! What am I doing?!
Joey: You sick bastards.
Rachel: It's a tattoo. That's weird, Pheebs...wait, that's Ursula! That's not Phoebe, that's Ursula!
[Joey turns to watch the tape.]
Joey: Wait! Wait! Then I can watch that. Rewind it! Rewind it!
[Phoebe arrives.]
Phoebe: Hey, what's up? Oh, my...! What am I doing?!
All you want is a dinkle,
What you envy's a schwang,
A thing through which you can tinkle,
Or play with, or simply let hang!
What you envy's a schwang,
A thing through which you can tinkle,
Or play with, or simply let hang!
I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin'
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?
La lalala laaa la lala La lalala la la...
My mother's ashes, even her eyelashes, are resting in a little yellow jar.
And sometimes, when it's breezy, I feel a little sneezy...
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?
La lalala laaa la lala La lalala la la...
My mother's ashes, even her eyelashes, are resting in a little yellow jar.
And sometimes, when it's breezy, I feel a little sneezy...
I'm gonna get your money
And you will never see them
And your fly's still open [Ross looks down]
Ha, I made you look
And you will never see them
And your fly's still open [Ross looks down]
Ha, I made you look
Jingle Bitch screwed me over!
Go to hell, Jingle Whore!
Go to hell, go to hell,
Go to hell...
Go to hell, Jingle Whore!
Go to hell, go to hell,
Go to hell...
New York City has no power
And the milk is getting sour :: But to me it is not scary
'Cause I stay away from dairy.
And the milk is getting sour :: But to me it is not scary
'Cause I stay away from dairy.
Phoebe Buffay, what can I say?
I really love when we were singing partners
And I shouldn't have left you that way.
Phoebe: Oh, no: one of those look-for-the-hidden-meaning songs.
I really love when we were singing partners
And I shouldn't have left you that way.
Phoebe: Oh, no: one of those look-for-the-hidden-meaning songs.
They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch
Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why
You cry and you cry and you cry
And you cry and you cry and you cry...
[Ross gives Phoebe a dollar]
Phoebe: Thanks, Ross!
Ross: I'm paying you to stop.
Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why
You cry and you cry and you cry
And you cry and you cry and you cry...
[Ross gives Phoebe a dollar]
Phoebe: Thanks, Ross!
Ross: I'm paying you to stop.
[a dog is trying to attack them and Joey throws his sandwich at him but he dosen't touch it]
Rachel: Okay, Joey, the dog will lick himself but will not touch your sandwich. What does that tell you?
Rachel: Okay, Joey, the dog will lick himself but will not touch your sandwich. What does that tell you?
[a woman has just run away from Chandler because of his bracelet Joey gave him]
Chandler: He could've gotten me a hat or a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me THE WOMEN REPELLER! The eyesore from the LIBERACE HOUSE OF CRAP!
Phoebe: It's not that bad.
Chandler: Easy for you to say; you don't have to go around wearing a REJECT from the MR. T COLLECTION! [Imitating Mr. T] "I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry! I do, I do!"
Chandler: He could've gotten me a hat or a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me THE WOMEN REPELLER! The eyesore from the LIBERACE HOUSE OF CRAP!
Phoebe: It's not that bad.
Chandler: Easy for you to say; you don't have to go around wearing a REJECT from the MR. T COLLECTION! [Imitating Mr. T] "I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry! I do, I do!"