[Ross confronts Rachel at Central Perk just as she is closing the cafe]
Ross: I didn't get a cat!
Rachel: Oh...that's interesting.
Ross: No, it's not 'interesting'! It's very not interesting! It's 100% the opposite of interesting!
Rachel: Okay, I got it Ross!
Ross: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me!
Rachel: What?
Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you!
Rachel: I was doing great before I found out about you! Do you think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?!
Ross: You should have said something before I met her!
Rachel: I didn't know then! And how come you never said anything to me?!
Ross: There was never a good time!
Rachel: Oh, you only had a year! We only hung out every night!
Ross: Not...every night! And it's not like I didn't try, but things got in the way! Like Italian guys, or ex-fiancees, or...Italian guys!
Rachel: There was one Italian guy! Do you have a point?!
Ross: The point is, I don't need this right now! It's too late! I'm with somebody else! I'm happy! This ship has sailed!
Rachel: So are you just going to put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?!
Ross: I've been doing it since the 9th Grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it!
Rachel: Okay, you go ahead and do that, Ross! I don't need your stupid ship! [Ross leaves, and she walks up to the door to shut it] And you know what? Now I've got closure!!

[Ross draws his laundry detergent]
Rachel: What is that?
Ross: Ãœberweiss! It's new, it's German, it's Extra tough

[Ross is sporting an earring.]
Joey: We don't make enough fun of you already? What? What?
Ross: Oh, yeah. Emily convinced me to do it.
Chandler: You do know that Wham! broke up?

[Ross is talking to Emma on the couch]
Ross: And that's why, no matter what Mommy says, we really were on a break! Yes we were, yes we were! [picks up the baby] Oh, you're the cutest little baby ever! You're just a little bitty baby, but you got big beautiful eyes, a big round belly, and a big baby butt! [sighs] I like big butts. [sings the first few lines of "Baby Got Back." Emma starts laughing.] Oh, my, you're laughing! You've never done that before! Daddy made you laugh! Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot! You want to hear more? [sings another line and Emma laughs again] I'm a terrible father!

[Ross' grandmother woke up from being "dead" and then died.]
Mr. Geller: She may have died.
Aunt Lillian: She may have died?
Mr. Geller: We're looking into it.

[Ross, Chandler and Joey are at Central Perk, talking about Rachel's 18-page letter.]
Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went went wrong in our relationship! She goes on for five pages about how I was "unfaithful" to her! WE WERE ON A BREAK!
Chandler: If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!
Ross: Fine! But this breakup was not all my fault. And at then she goes, "If you accept full responsibility-full responsibility-I can begin to trust you again. Does that sound like something you can do? Does it?
Joey: No...
Chandler: Look, you have what you want, you're back with Rachel! If you bring this up, you'll wreck the best thing that's ever happened to you.
Ross: You're right... Okay, I'll let it go. But you realize how hard it is to forget about it!
Joey: Sure it's hard! But that doesn't mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that beach trip that we should [turns to Chandler] never EVER talk about!
Ross: What the hell happened on that beach?!
Joey: It's between us and the sea, Ross!

[Ross, Chandler and Joey sit on a couch watching a movie]
Chandler: Die Hard, still great!
Joey: Hey, what do you say we make a double feature?
Ross: What else did you rent?
Joey: Die Hard 2!
Chandler: Joe, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Joey: Ohh..well if we watch it a second time then it's Die Hard 2!
Ross: Joey we just saw it.
Joey: And?
Ross: And it would be cool to see it again!
Joey and Ross: Die Hard!
Ross [to Chandler]: Dude, you didn't say Die Hard. Is everything okay?
Chandler: Yeah, I just..i got plans.
Ross: Well, John McClane had plans.
Chandler: Alright, you see the thing is..I wanna get outta here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody "bitch".
Joey: What are you talkin' about...bitch?

[Ross, Chandler and Monica bought tickets for Hootie and the Blowfish concert for themselves and the others.]
Phoebe: I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.
Rachel: Me neither.
Joey: Me, too.
Monica: Guys, we bought the tickets.
Phoebe: Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff.
Chandler: Why did you look at me when you said that?

[Thanks to a comment by Chandler earlier, Ross is picturing his mother when Rachel dresses up in her Princess Leia costume]
Ross: I hate Chandler. The bastard ruined my life.

[The duck walks by.]
Chandler [angrily]: Oh, oh, I'm a duck. I go quack-quack. I'm happy all the time.

[The friends and Emma are at Central Perk and Monica is enjoying a piece of chocolate cake.]
Monica: Mmmm...this cake is amazing!
Rachel: [repulsed] Get a room!
Monica: I would get a room with this cake. I could show this cake a good time!
Phoebe: If you had to, what would you give up? Food or sex?
Monica: [quickly] Sex.
Chandler: [unimpressed] Seriously, answer faster!
Monica: I'm sorry! When she said sex I wasn't thinking about sex with you!
Chandler: [still feeling hurt] It's like a giant hug!
Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Which would you give up? Sex or food?
Ross: [quickly] Food!
Phoebe: How about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: [in a state of uncertainty] My...! It's like Sophie's Choice!
Rachel: What about you Joe? What would you give up? Sex or food?
Joey: [after thinking] I don't know, it's too hard!
Rachel: No, you have to pick one!
Joey: [quickly] Food! No, sex! Food! Sex! Food! Sex...I don't know, I want both! I want girls on bread!

[The future in-laws, including Chandler's cross-dressing father Charles, are chatting.]
Judy Geller: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress.
Nora Bing: As I recall, when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.
Charles Bing: But that was after the wedding. It's not bad luck then.
Nora Bing: Honey, it isn't good luck.

[The gang decides to play touch football.]
Joey: All right! We have to pick captains.
Chandler: And then Tennilles.

[The gang is decorating the Christmas tree]
Chandler: I remember my father dressed in the red suit, the big black boots and the patent leather belt, sneaking around downstairs. He didn't want anybody see him, but he'd be drunk, so he'd stumble, crash into something, and wake everybody up.
Rachel: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
Chandler: Who said anything about Christmas?

[The gang is exchanging Christmas gifts]
Chandler: Ok, I guess that just leaves the gifts from Joey and Chandler.